This is a poem I came up with in about ten or more minutes. I changed the ending sentence (The other one ruined the poem). But here you go-Five Silence
It’s in the Sound of Silence
That you hear a blink of an eye
You hear half a heartbeat
You hear your breath catching in your chest
It’s in the Vision of Silence
That you see the world slow down
Your colors swirl around you
Your images fade away
It’s in the Voice of Silence
That your words catch your throat
You can’t scream for help
You can’t take back what you said
It’s in the Feeling of Silence
That your head begins to pound
Your skin loses it’s warmth
You begin to dread
It’s in the Thoughts of Silence
That your realize your mistakes
You begin to understand
You're fading away
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you're so good. I love you're poem. It reminds me that sometimes we need silence to realise the small things.
OMG! I feel so stuipd now! >:[ Thinks for the pointers, I'll work one those too. :] I think I messed up because I was thinking about the five senses and thoughts not being one, I counted it out! Wow...:/ But thanks anyways! :]
'You're fading away' is a better choice.
And I really like this poem, it kind of reminds me of myself sometimes.
I also think you could do a lot more with it, too, like add some punctuation, or some advanced vocabulary.
The idea to it is really good though, having the 'sound', 'vision', 'voice', 'feeling', and 'thoughts' of silence. But that is actually 5, not 4 things of silence lol.
Yeah, it wasn't good. So I changed it now from "Your own Death" to "You're fading away"(As you can see). I just hope it's a better choice. :p
I agree that the last sentence isn't the best... but I really like the poem itself. It's very emotional. Great job!