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Young Writers Society



How Was Your Day? - Chapter 21.1

by Que


As much as Finnley would prefer to create the spell he needed to help Mia sleep better on his own, he knew it wouldn’t be good this time. He hadn’t done a spell on his own before, and didn’t want to mess with things he didn’t know about. If the only consequence was what Mia or his mother thought of him, he could handle it. Magical consequences... those were entirely different. He had to tell Mr. Vaughn about it.

Finnley went as briskly as he could to the shop after school so he could ask the old man before he lost his nerve. As soon as he arrived, however, Mr. Vaughn loaded him down with practice work while he attended to a customer who seemed to have actually come in for the antiques. Finnley dutifully worked his way through the work — it was just like busy work at school. Can you correctly copy this spell? What piece of this spell is missing? What would you need to activate this spell? What object would be best to place this object on? There had to be enough magicians out there for someone to have made a magical workbook.

Still, Finnley enjoyed going through it methodically. The missing pieces of spells seemed to click into place, and he felt they were right without checking the answers. It was as if he could feel the spell, though that was silly. If faced with an unfamiliar piece of magic drawn up on a piece of paper before him, Finnley felt sure that he could somehow sense its purpose, even without reading the inscription around it. If he thought about it a lot, he thought he could even sense where there were other objects with spells in the room...

“Finnley!” Mr. Vaughn called, creaking up the stairs. “Sorry I took so long.” He stopped when he saw Finnley with the workbook closed on his lap. His eyes slowly pulled from the workbook and he looked Finnley in the eyes. “Did you finish that work I gave you already?”

“Yes, sir,” he said, a little bit nervous.

Mr. Vaughn took the workbook from him and flipped it open. Finnley watched his bright blue eyes flicking over the pages, saw them widen in surprise. “They’re all correct,” he said. He looked up at Finnley again. “Could you do one for me right now?” Finnley nodded, and he folded the page back to a new one, a little farther into the workbook.

Finnley took it from him and picked up his pencil. It was a half complete spell he needed to fill in the other side of. The description said it was a spell for preserving objects. Finnley quickly drew in the other half of the spell and wrote what he felt was the appropriate inscription to go along with it.

Mr. Vaughn lifted the workbook out of his hands and studied the spell. A slow smile crept onto his face. He leafed through the pages until he came to the one he was looking for, then settled next to Finnley on the couch. “This is the answer sheet,” he said. “See the difference between this one and yours?”

“Yes,” Finnley said. He’d spotted it as soon as Mr. Vaughn showed him the page. “The spell centers on keeping the object the same, making sure it’s unchanged. That’s not what I did.”

“No. You had that in there, but you said something here... defense. You used the word for protect. Why?” Mr. Vaughn’s gaze was making Finnley uneasy, but he was still smiling, so Finnley took it as a good sign.

“I don’t know. Just my interpretation of preserve, I guess.”

“You guess. The words are similar in English, but they’re taken much more literally in the magic language,” Mr. Vaughn responded. “The spell in this answer key would keep the words on the paper the same as long as the spell lasts, but the paper will still yellow and tear and crumple. The spell that you wrote will actually preserve the whole paper, and keep it from these things.”

“So why put this in the answer key?” Finnley asked. The difference between the two spells was clear, but the reasoning wasn’t. “It’s not worth very much.”

“No, it’s not,” Mr. Vaughn. “This is an old workbook, out of date. Errors seem to be abundant — more each time I look through it. This was one. Instead of relying on your official knowledge of the language and a word that would achieve the goal, you intuitively understood what needed to happen.”

“That sounds about right,” Finnley admitted. “I didn’t put much thought into any of these.”

“You’re a natural magician,” Mr. Vaughn said. “Any magic blood in your family? That could be one explanation.”

“Not that I know of,” he replied. He had a strange, sudden pang of longing. He wanted to see his father, to tell him about this, to ask about his family heritage. But he hadn’t seen his father since the year before Allie’s death. It wasn’t any good to think about what couldn’t happen. “Mr. Vaughn,” he ventured, seeing his chance, “I was wondering... I mean, if I can write the spells so well, could I activate one? On my own?”

“You could probably do a simple one here...” Mr. Vaughn stopped when he saw Finnley’s face. “You’re planning something, aren’t you? Using magic by yourself?”

“I haven’t done anything yet,” Finnley said hurriedly. “But it’s just Mia. She’s been having nightmares, and I just want to do something.” There is was. He felt helpless to do anything for Mia, for his friend. Mr. Vaughn’s face softened.

“The sleeping spell in that book?” he asked, nodding to the textbook in Finnley’s lap. “I... I don’t want to encourage this. I don’t want you doing any magic outside of my sight. But if I don’t let you, you’ll do it anyway, right?” Finnley was about to answer, but Mr. Vaughn waved a hand. “Draw it out. I won’t let you go do it without practice.”


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Sun Feb 25, 2018 10:05 am
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hiya, Querencia! I'm determined to get through these!

Finnley dutifully worked his way through the work — it was just like busy work at school. Can you correctly copy this spell? What piece of this spell is missing? What would you need to activate this spell? What object would be best to place this object on? There had to be enough magicians out there for someone to have made a magical workbook.


I love that there's something school-ish about magic. It makes it seem more real and accessible, not just epic and dramatic like we usually see in fantasy novels.

Also, this is a side note, but is Finnley still working in the antique shop? Does he have an actual job role, or is he just being paid to be Mr Vaughn's apprentice? I'm just curious, because we don't seem to be hearing about his duties towards customers or anything.

“You guess. The words are similar in English, but they’re taken much more literally in the magic language,” Mr. Vaughn responded. “The spell in this answer key would keep the words on the paper the same as long as the spell lasts, but the paper will still yellow and tear and crumple. The spell that you wrote will actually preserve the whole paper, and keep it from these things.”


I love the concept of translation being a bit of a barrier to spell-writing!! The idea that similar words in English can have really different effects on a spell is such a cool detail. It makes the pursuit feel more real. To that end, it's probably worth thinking up an actual name for 'the magic language'. If magic can be found in all cultures (which I'd imagine it can) then you'd expect there to be more than one language.

“Not that I know of,” he replied. He had a strange, sudden pang of longing. He wanted to see his father, to tell him about this, to ask about his family heritage. But he hadn’t seen his father since the year before Allie’s death.


This is very nicely woven in, but isn't his father dead? Did you change that detail?

“But it’s just Mia. She’s been having nightmares, and I just want to do something.” There it was.


I feel like his desperation to do the spell would make more sense if Mia had consistently been having nightmares. As far as we know she's just had it once, and everyone has nightmares occasionally. Don't get me wrong, it is sweet that he wants to do it, but it doesn't feel like a really pressing issue to me.

Overall thoughts, then? My favourite thing about this chapter, by far, is the discussion about the magic system. I was worried that it wouldn't be unique enough, but you've completely put those anxieties to rest. It feels like a real academic pursuit (one that my nerdy ass would jump at the chance to study) and I love the little details you're putting into it.

Intrigued by the comment about Finnley's dad, as well (even though I totally remember you saying that he was dead at some point and now it seems like that isn't the case). Still I'd be intrigued to know more about his father's side of the family and find out if there was some history of magic there.

Nevertheless, the plot trajectory itself still feels quite aimless. The only major conflict is 'I want to put a spell on Mia's pillow' and that isn't quite enough to carry my interest. It isn't like anything majorly terrible will happen if he doesn't do it. Mia did say that she'd not had the nightmare since she was a kid, so I can't help thinking that there would be every chance that it would go away by itself.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:45 am
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neptune wrote a review...



Hey Querencia! I’ll be reviewing this chapter for you today.

As much I don’t want to jump right into a novel 20 chapters in, this has been sitting in the green room forever and I’d thought I’d take a stab at it! I'll try not to mention the characters or plot much altogether (seeing as I don't know much about what it is) so if I do get something wrong please ignore those comments or do let me know! Without further ado, let’s get on to the review, and hopefully I will help. :D

As much as Finnley would prefer to create the spell he needed to help Mia sleep better on his own, he knew it wouldn’t be good this time.

I feel like I've misread the sentence, but it's confusing and is really a handful in the mouth. Perhaps try rephrasing? It's a good first sentence for the chapter, it just is lengthy (especially that whole long line of no comma for a breath).

Finnley dutifully worked his way through the work — it was just like busy work at school.

I couldn't capture the concept of this sentence because of everything being called 'work'. I didn't know what was what. I feel really nitpicky but the flow of this sentence was wacky and drew back the potential power of the paragraph.

Finnley quickly drew in the other half of the spell and wrote what he felt was the appropriate inscription to go along with it.

Woah! I love this idea! I'm assuming it's some old spellbook in which he writes the spells down (instead of Harry Potter-like spell casting)? That's so neat! I'm all for that.

The paragraph where Finnley thinks about his father and wonders about him is a little rough. The writing could be smoother and less bluntly stated, almost. I can tell you were trying to write his thoughts but it kind of sounded like you were telling the reader about his father. For example:

But he hadn’t seen his father since the year before Allie’s death.

It was a little dull, almost, if that makes sense? It's definitely emotional in some way for Finnley, so it would be interesting to feel more about that emotion, whether it is good or bad. It creates more of a history log of relationships with characters (even though you might have developed your characters a lot already, they are always being edited and written about).

I feel like a say this to a lot of writers, but I am going to say it anyway. I noticed that your chapter started off with description-dense paragraphs. Then we merge into some dialogue, and I see that the content is less descriptive towards the end and leaves less imagery to the reader. Maybe just a caution for the future to disperse and balance out description throughout the dialogue?

This chapter is really making me curious about this world you are writing in! It's very intriguing and you definitely leave a hooking end for the next chapter. The length was also perfect. I really dislike long chapters because they always leave me bored and waiting for it to finish. But, this had enough content as well!

I hope this review helped -- there wasn't a whole lot to say but I hope you consider my little feedback nevertheless! If you have any questions please ask. :D




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Wed Dec 13, 2017 1:26 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Awesome! I like getting to see these specific details about magic/spellwork and not just because at this point your magic is clearly more thought-out than mine Plus, Finnley's intuitive understanding of magic? Intriguing! I can't wait to see if it's because there's magic in his family after all missing dad wink wink or if it's just that he's that understanding of the nature of things.

Plus, an outdated magic curriculum? Omg #relateable . Not the magic part, obviously. Just the outdated curriculum part. It was a nice touch that made this feel realistic in a weird way because of course Mr. Vaughn has a spell workbook and of course it's outdated and Finnley's way was actually better.

I also love that for once a teen character actually talked to an adult about something and asked for help first rather than going ahead on their own and failing catastrophically. Like obviously sometimes adults say no, but isn't it better to do it on your own later, when that's your only option, than to try it on your phone first and royally screw up?

Anyway, that's it. I loved this chapter.




Que says...


I%u2019m glad you liked it! I mean, it just seemed perfectly natural that magic textbooks would get out of date. XD
Also, with what you said about the doing stuff on your own thing, I feel like that%u2019s who Mia is, because she%u2019s more of a hero-type than Finnley, which was totally why I wanted it to be narrated by Finnley. Initially, I was going to have Mia be more prominent and Finnley was just a sort of sidekick, but then he developed into his own person and has his own goals and I%u2019m happy about that. <3

Luckily, the magic is becoming a bit clearer to me, I was struggling for a bit but now it%u2019s easier to work with. I%u2019m always so obsessed with magic based on written things instead of spoken out loud like Harry Potter! I kind of like slow acting magic. :)




You are strong enough to conquer this day and the rest of your life.
— Tuckster