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Young Writers Society



How Was Your Day? - Chapter 20.2

by Que


Finnley barely looked at the caller ID before answering the phone. He knew it was Mia. “Mia?” he called into the silence, pushing Rory away as the rabbit nuzzled into his elbow. At first, there was only ragged breathing on the other end. Finnley’s heart pounded in his chest and he inquired again: “Mia?”

“Finnley,” Mia said in a hoarse whisper, and Finnley had never been so happy to hear his friend’s voice.

“Oh man, Mia, you gave me a scare. Are you alright?” he asked, leaning forward in bed as if he could reach her. She tended to call at odd hours of the day and night, but... not like this.

“It was a nightmare,” she said after a moment. “I— I’m really sorry. I just wanted to talk to someone.”

Finnley felt his heart hurt for her as if it was a physical pain. Mia didn’t seem the type to fall prey to terrors in the night, but he didn’t blame her for it. How many times after Allie’s death had he dreamed about the moment it had happened, despite not being there himself? How many times had he awakened in the night, searching for someone, anyone to talk to, unwilling to wake his mother? He felt what she was going through on a deeply personal level.

“No, no, you’re fine,” Finnley told her, as soothingly as he could. “It was just a dream. You, me, talking on the phone, that’s what’s real.” In the following silence, Finnley imagined her curled up in bed — a neighbor’s bed, not even her own — nodding her head in the darkness. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I haven’t had that dream since I was a little kid,” she admitted. “I... I just didn’t expect it to come back. It used to scare me senseless, and, well, I thought I was done with all that.”

“I know,” Finnley said, anxious to keep her talking. “I used to get them too.”

“Really? But not anymore?”

“Getting to know you has helped a lot with them,” Finnley admitted. “But you sort of have to find your fear and face it. Sort of defeat it, you know? I was terrified about Allie’s death. Then there was that monster... well, defeating the monster helped me defeat the monster inside, I think. I knew then that she was really gone, that there was no coming back, and that the only thing that mattered was what I did going forward. Does that make sense?”

“I think so,” Mia replied. Her voice was gaining strength, coming back to its normal self, and Finnley felt relieved. “I’ve just got to keep fighting it, right? Get to the root of it?”

“Yeah,” Finnley said, leaning back against the wall and stroking Rory once more. “Something like that. I think you’re really strong, Mia, and really brave too.”

“Really?” she asked. There was something in her voice that sounded like hope.

“Of course,” Finnley replied, startled. She didn’t know that for herself? “You’re the bravest person I know.”

“Thanks—” there was a muffled scream and the phone clicked off. Finnley sat bolt upright, frantic now, worrying. He hit the button to call back repeatedly, the concern in his face highlighted by the glowing light from the phone in the dark room. The phone rang once before Mia picked up again.

“Mia!” he cried into the phone, clutching it to his ear with both hands. “What happened?”

Whatever Finnley had expected to hear, it was not giggling. A moment later, there was an inhale, then Mia spoke again. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Monica just popped out of nowhere!” Finnley collected himself again and slowly closed his eyes. Were they trying to frighten him to death? Still, he was grateful that it was only Monica — not to mention grateful that Monica was back.

“Is she doing alright?” he asked, pretending like your ghost friend popping up in your real friend’s bedroom in the middle of the night was a normal thing.

“Yeah, she’s good. I just fell off the bed, that’s all,” Monica said. Finnley could have sworn he heard her smile, if smiles could be heard. “I think she’ll stay the night with me; you know, make sure I don’t freak out over a nightmare again.”

“Good,” Finnley said. They said their good nights and hung up. A part of him wondered how Monica could be there for Mia so much more than he was, even though she was a ghost. He had just mumbled along some words about “keep fighting” and Monica had popped into Mia’s room when she needed her the most. He felt helpless, unable to advise his friend, even when he had suffered from nightmares for longer than she had.

After a moment of thought, Finnley sat up and dug around in his room. He hadn’t remembered where he’d set them down the other day... Ah, there they were. His magical text books. They were, unfortunately, just as heavy as normal textbooks, and he heaved them up onto his bed, startling Rory.

One was the book he used to learn the magic language; the other was a spell book. There were various recorded spells in it. Theoretically, a gifted magician could invent his own spells if he knew his craft well enough, but Finnley barely felt competent in the known spells. He would search for one that fit his needs. He turned on the light above his bed and bent over the yellowing pages of the book.

It was a book for beginners, and Finnley hoped dearly that what he was looking for might lie within its pages. If it was too advanced, he’d have to turn to Mr. Vaughn, and he wanted to do this on his own. There were spells for all sorts of little things, an introduction to using magic. Finnley found the dust-preventing spell particularly entertaining, and decided that he would place it on some objects around the house so his mom wouldn’t have to dust them. But that wasn’t what he wanted.

And... there. That was just the spell. He read the text under it, saying that the spell was a simple one to promote good, deep sleep. Finnley took it to mean that it would ward off the nightmares as well. The main design strongly resembled a dream catcher, and Finnley wondered if those had originated from magicians. He practiced drawing it out a few times, making sure he could get it right. He wrote the accompanying words to direct its purpose, and then closed the book. If he could get into Mia’s bedroom, he would create the spell on the underside of her pillow. Maybe it would help.

Feeling better now that there was something he could do, or at least try to do, he went to sleep feeling a little better. Rory nosed over the books Finnley had left on his bed, then curled up on top of them. His own nightmares temporarily banished, he slept easy that night. 


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Sun Feb 25, 2018 9:37 am
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hiiii again, Querencia. I'm going to try and get as many of these chapters reviewed as I can before review day is out.

“It was a nightmare,” she said after a moment. “I— I’m really sorry. I just wanted to talk to someone.”


Ah. This feels like a bit of an anti-climax. I was expecting something a bit more...I don't know, dangerous? Or at the very least something mysterious.

How many times after Allie’s death had he dreamed about the moment it had happened, despite not being there himself? How many times had he awakened in the night, searching for someone, anyone to talk to, unwilling to wake his mother? He felt what she was going through on a deeply personal level.


I am glad Allie is being mentioned, but I would feel the impact of this a lot more if we'd actually seen Finnley have a nightmare about her at some point in the story. This is only the first (or maybe second?) time I can remember him talking about having bad dreams about her. His grief about Allie only seems to come up when it's convenient for the plot.

“Getting to know you has helped a lot with them,” Finnley admitted. “But you sort of have to find your fear and face it. Sort of defeat it, you know? I was terrified about Allie’s death. Then there was that monster... well, defeating the monster helped me defeat the monster inside, I think. I knew then that she was really gone, that there was no coming back, and that the only thing that mattered was what I did going forward. Does that make sense?”


Okay, but I find it odd that Finnley isn't having nightmares about the monster. Yes, he might not dream about Allie now (though even that seems thin) but you'd think it would be displaced by other nightmares. He's certainly seen enough horrors.

He hit the button to call back repeatedly, the concern in his face highlighted by the glowing light from the phone in the dark room.


Can you describe his expression rather than just saying it was concerned? Is he frowning? Wide-eyed? It's not a massive issue, but it's part of the ol' show don't tell.

He had just mumbled along some words about “keep fighting” and Monica had popped into Mia’s room when she needed her the most. He felt helpless, unable to advise his friend, even when he had suffered from nightmares for longer than she had.


I know self-doubt is a thing, but Finnley looked to be doing a pretty good job at comforting her from where I was standing. He was reaching out to Mia, telling her she wasn't alone, telling her she was brave - that's ticking a lot of boxes. She seemed to be getting something out of it, as well. I'm not sure it fully makes sense for Finnley to think he was doing a terrible job.

So, overall thoughts. This is a really sweet chapter. It's cute that Finnley is planning to perform a spell for Mia, and I'm glad that Monica is back safely. I continue to be pleased that Monica and Mia are such good buddies.

I do kind of wish we'd got to know more about Mia's dream. Unless the content of it is plot-relevant and is going to come to the fore later? It did seem like Mia was being deliberately evasive. When Finnley asked if she wanted to tell him about it, she kind of dodged the question and just said she hadn't had the dream since she was a kid. I wouldn't be surprised if the dream turned out to be more than it seemed.

If I'm being totally honest, I feel like the novel is still in a bit of a slump. I was excited about the phone call but it didn't really go anywhere in this chapter; it just turned out to be a nightmare, which sucks for Mia but doesn't actually carry any jeopardy with it. The story feels like it's in a slightly aimless period. Things have gone back to the status quo and we're just waiting for the next conflict to arrive. I see that you've hinted to previous reviewers that there are things going on behind the scenes, but a reader isn't going to know that. You still need to hold our attention while you build towards the real drama, even if it's with a secondary conflict.

Sorry, that's a bit of a downer ending to the review. I never don't enjoy reading this - it's a delightful little story; I'm just eager for something to happen again. I feel like plot conflicts should be like links in a chain - as you resolve one problem, it should tie neatly into another. It feels like there's been a break in the chain these last few chapters.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:16 am
jamgalloway wrote a review...



Hello, there! I reviewed one of the earlier sections of this and decided to do this one as well since it's here. And i really don't have much to say this time either. Last time I was pretty much just searching for any possible flaws/nitpicks I could find, as I am this time. And that's a good thing, because I have a hard time finding anything to point out since your writing is so good.

Finnley and Mia are consistent from what I read the last time, though, that's not surprising considering I just read one other section, lol. But that's a good thing either way. Their interaction this chapter was sweet, you know, cute. A bit sad too. The plot didn't do move forward much, but that's not necessarily a bad thing since this since this isn't a very long section, but I liked the bit at the end about the magic and spells. It was cool to see a specific use for one of the spells, you know, like "this spell helps with nightmares" or "this spell keeps the house warm" or whatever. A lot of books/movies kind of just gloss over small spells/uses of magic and goes straight to the major ones. So that's nice to see.

Anyway, the grammar was great, the sentences went well together, words were used right, all that good stuff. Don't really have any suggestions for you because everything was great this section. So, I'm being useless right now pretty much, lol. I guess all I have to say is keep it up and good luck! And as usual if you need help with anything, want me to review something, just want to talk, etc., etc., just let me know! Have a great day!




Que says...


%u201CThis spell keeps the house warm%u201D I am totally using that. Mm and the plot did progress, you just don%u2019t know it yet. ;) at least it%u2019s being set up haha



jamgalloway says...


Ahh, yeah, I've had some chapters like that. Where people are like "why is this here" and I'm just like...you'll see. Patience, grasshopper. And I'm glad I gave you an idea! I was mostly just saying stuff and hoping something helped



Que says...


Yeah I%u2019m always trying to think of good spell examples for Mr. Vaughn to give or something, simple stuff like that. I was proudest of the anti-dust one, haha. :) Thanks for the review!



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Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:47 pm
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hiii, my friend! This review is gonna be really lame because I haven't read any of the previous chapters, unfortunately. But I wanna get this out of the Green Room and give it some love, so I apologize. </3 I hope you don't mind!

Anyways, shall we?

This was soooo cute! I loved reading this. I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I like that there was some context scattered throughout the chapter so I could kinda piece together what was going on. So, a friend of theirs died recently? That really sucks and I can see why Mia would be so shook up about it. I really loved that you added more than just the dialogue to this chapter, since it revolved mostly around the phone call and sometimes, it can be boring to just read the dialogue. You added a lot of action too, especially as the phone call was going on, so that was really good because it made the chapter fun to read. I also love how cute these two are <3 their relationship seems really pure and good. I can't say I ship it, since I don't know anything about them, but I can say that it's really cute and if it hasn't happened yet... consider it ;)

Haha but yeah, I didn't see any nitpicks in this! It was really fun to read. I hope this review helped at least a little bit xD

♥ Igs




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Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:24 am
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BluesClues says...



OH MAN YOU SCARED ME SO BAD.

Thank goodness it was just a nightmare! And just Monica! And it's so sweet and a bit sad that Mia called him because she had a nightmare and just needed to talk to someone. <3





Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy