Published February 10, 2011
Late at night when the world is sleeping
Theres all sorts of creeping, peeping
As the day falls to rest
And the night comes seeping
Through the cracks, like a shadow
Grinning, Now you can't see me
I lay awake in the dark
To hear the world come alive
One thousand trees, one million buzzing hives
You never really know what happens late at night
When complex thought and deep slumbers
Tend to steal your precious sight
But let me tell you this
You see the darkness is no game
Things slither, crawl, and walk about
Just as on Halloween
As your pillow meets your head
And your brain starts the decision
It's the dreams and constant nightmares
That make their first incision
So sleep on Mother Earth
Because as far as you will know
Once the sun goes down and your eyes close shut
It's darkness that will flow
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,702 Reviews
I loved the way it was dramatic and dark. It didn't seem scary, but ominous. I absolutely loved the imagery and the feel of it.
Oh and try to break it up into some stanzas!
Theres needs to be correctly grammatically. Also, there is all sorts of creeping, peeping what?
Who exactly is grinning? And cant needs a ' between the n and t
The last line just doesn't fit there in my opinion.
So, at first you were using 1st person point of view (I,Me) and now you're using second person point of view. Try to stick to mainly one.
Apostrophe in It's
It may flow better if you switch "...and your eyes close shut" to and your eyes shut close.
But I like this (you are probably thinking "Finally positive feedback")
Overall, this poem has potential, especially since it was written late at night. Just go through some revisions and it will be on its way. Keep writing, you have talent.