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Whimsical Wisps

by Poetry Misfit


The sky is an ocean, the twinkle of its waves reflecting the lights of the world. There is a greater depth to be discovered, full of strange creatures shrouded in mystery. A mermaid swims by, her illuminescent beauty gleaming as she glides across the surface of the cosmos. The moon is an island and it is a lonely place to be. The waves lap against her pale shores and at times completely wash over her, until there is nothing but a roiling dark surface where she used to shine.

She was a walking dream with footsteps trailing starlight in her wake. Her smile was the crescent moon illuminating the world and her eyes were indigo oceans too deep to fathom. She slept on the sun and recited poetry to the wind that carried her words to every corner of the world. She was a lover to no one but the sky and her delicate form could be found twirling among the constellations.

When I sleep, my head is like the sky and my dreams are the colors displayed across it. I have dreams full of happy memories and gumdrop fantasies so sweet, the clouds look like cotton candy. And there are dreams that tear across the sky like a storm, leaving only darkness in its wake. Sometimes, a light shines through the clouds when my mind is lost deep within the dark enfolds. The illumination of a better dream clears the sky, ridding it of any remnants left by the nightmare. And the sun shines brightly, making the colors in my sky glow, so when I wake up, the sun shines on a sky full of happy thoughts. 


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8 Reviews


Points: 188
Reviews: 8

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Tue Sep 07, 2021 10:44 am
BetsyJ wrote a review...



Hi, here is a quick review:

I noticed that nature and its vastness are a couple of overarching themes here...you have tried to describe the sky as an 'ocean', and your head as a 'sky' of dreams, etc. I did find many of the metaphors and similes you have used to be abstract and hyperbolic. It would help the reader to picture your descriptions better if you used more concrete examples in your descriptions.

I liked the idea of the mermaid. However, again I was not able to visualize what you were trying to say, and the descriptions of the mermaid such as "she was a walking dream", " her eyes were were indigo oceans too deep to fathom", "her illuminescent beauty"... were abstract and vague.

Do keep writing!

These are just opinions. Please take only what you can accept, and discard the rest.
Have a great day!




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465 Reviews


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Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:29 am
starlitmind wrote a review...



NEW STORY FROM YOU omg I'm excited and I'll just get right into it :)

The sky is an ocean, the twinkle of its waves reflecting the lights of the world.


Yess, I love the use of a metaphor instead of a smilie; I find that to be a lot stronger c:
I'm not sure if I quite get the metaphor, though; what part of the sky seems like waves? And are the twinkles themselves reflecting the lights or are the twinkles a result of the reflection?

A mermaid swims by, her illuminescent beauty gleaming as she glides across the surface of the cosmos.


Ooh, this reminds me of the "fish swimming in the skies" origin story that I can't remember the name of :p I love the concept of a mermaid swimming in the sky; it's so unexpected, and adds to that "mystery" aspect of the sky you mentioned before
Also, I'm not sure if "illuminescent" is a word? Did you perhaps mean "luminescent"?

The moon is an island and it is a lonely place to be.


I honestly think you could have a separate vignette for the moon. I kind of want to hear more about the sky, and the moon seemed to come out of nowhere. Yes, the moon is part of the sky xD but I feel like there's a lot more to discover about both the sky and the moon; perhaps you could separate the two? That way it doesn't feel like it's jumping a lot, from the sky to the mermaid to the moon

She was a walking dream with footsteps trailing starlight in her wake.


I love this opening! c: "walking dream" is such a neat concept, almost reminds me of sleepwalking :)
I don't have much to comment on this one! ^_^ Maybe you could try something different where there's only one image you're centered on? Like here, you have a lot of different images in one: the sun, moon, ocean -> and not that I don't like this!! I think it's really pretty, and I'm just offering another suggestion that you could have a different version where the images are more connected so it all feels like one piece ^_^

I have dreams full of happy memories and gumdrop fantasies so sweet, the clouds look like cotton candy.


I love the gumdrop fantasies and cotton candy clouds ^_^ it's cool to see all of your images connected and centered on one idea c:
I'm curious what those happy memories are; not them specifically, like riding on a bike, but maybe what images they evoke?

And there are dreams that tear across the sky like a storm, leaving only darkness in its wake.


A very random suggestion that you can totally ignore; what if you replaced "like a storm" to "in a storm," so it's like the dreams are traveling / tearing across the sky in a storm? Just a thought ^_^

Sometimes, a light shines through the clouds when my mind is lost deep within the dark enfolds.


I believe "enfolds" is only used as a verb, so I'm a bit confused how someone can be lost deep within that verb ^_^ or maybe it has a noun counterpart; but I've never seen it used as a noun

And the sun shines brightly, making the colors in my sky glow, so when I wake up, the sun shines on a sky full of happy thoughts.


Just wanted to point out that repetition that, personally, makes the ending a bit weaker. But that's only my opinion! ^_^

Ahh I love these vignettes <3 I already knew they'd be good, based on your other short stories. I always seriously enjoy your celestial imagery and the pictures you are able to paint. These little shorts have no conflict or main characters, but they feel so tangible and are super enjoyable to read. I like how you took concepts and were able to make them so vivid and observable. This was a really nice read :)

I hope my comments prove useful to you, and I hope to read more soon!




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41 Reviews


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Tue Jun 08, 2021 7:52 pm
MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hi Poetry Misfit!
Here's a review for you today!

When I sleep, my head is like the sky and my dreams are the colors displayed across it.


I love your idea behind this sentence, but I feel like the word "displayed" disrupts the flow a little bit. What if you tried: "When I sleep, my head is like the sky and my dreams are the colors carried across."

I have dreams full of happy memories and gumdrop fantasies so sweet, the clouds look like cotton candy.


These are two different ideas that you spliced together with a comma, and they feel like they should be two sentences.
- If you want one sentence: "I have dreams full of happy memories and gumdrop fantasies so sweet that the clouds look like cotton candy."
- If you want two: "I have dreams full of happy memories and gumdrop fantasies so sweet. Within them, clouds appear as cotton candy."

And the sun shines brightly, making the colors in my sky glow, so when I wake up, the sun shines on a sky full of happy thoughts.


I like all of the imagery you've accomplished here; however, this last sentence is a little long and redundant. Try this on for size: "The sun shines brightly, making colors glow, amidst a sky of happy thoughts for my awakened self."

A mermaid swims by, her illuminescent beauty gleaming as she glides across the surface of the cosmos.


This is my favorite part! I love the imagery of a dark sea of stars rippling as the mermaid disturbs the water. It's very serene and satisfying!

Anyways, well done with this! I really enjoyed reading and thinking about the picture this paints. Take what you will from this and keep on writing!





I’ll paraphrase Thoreau here... Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness, give me truth.
— Christopher Johnson McCandless