Young Writers Society

Greetings! Otterpop here, with a quick review!

One of the first things that I notice is the frequent use of the word 'they', but sometimes it happens so often I have to read it again to differentiate if you're talking about nature, or people themselves. You might want to switch around some language and words to make this less confusing.

I can definitely tell you're trying a little bit to express your emotions and feelings about the situation, but as a reader I was lacking those feelings myself, possibly because the language/words/phrases needed to invoke those feelings in readers seems to be missing. I cannot say specifically what you might be missing, and I know it's pretty vague, but I can just tell that it's missing.

But if you put this into a more structured format, such as a longer poem (just an example), you may be able to invoke those feelings into a reader and get your point across while also expressing your own beliefs and emotions. For the most part, I feel like it's lacking that strong emotional vibe that it really needs. But with the right structure and the right words, this could turn into a pretty powerful piece.

Hi PaigeFantasy,

Mailice here with an attempt to review your text!

I'm trying to relate to the text here in the review and thinking about what you were trying to say to the reader with it.

The text is quite short and in terms of language I found that it could be developed in many places. Especially your second and third sentences seem to me a bit as if you were angry, which I think doesn't always belong in a text. You should at least try to express what upsets you in a professional manner (after writing an introduction, for example).

I can understand that you're trying to make the reader aware that nature is important for humans to survive, but I also think you could have turned it into an essay and backed up your arguments. Also I think you could definitely write a great poem out of it to get the attention.

Something I also noticed is how at the beginning you talk about "they don't", which refers to humans and it seems like you exclude yourself, but later you write "we humans" and include yourself. I would try to remain constant and take a side.

You've actually made some great combinations and connections where I think some readers aren't always immediately clear what that means. I would even go so far as to consider each sentence as a kind of title, where you can tell more. At the moment it seems more like a short cry that is blown away by the wind with the leaves.

I think it's good that you address a very exciting and important topic, where I think we are all affected by it, because we are part of nature, even if some people don't want to accept that. We need to act immediately instead of waiting for the next generation, as this will only make things worse. However, this huge construct is so difficult to lift that we have to come up with very good ideas to animate the totality of people. We have to do without things so that the next generation can have the least. I think that would be a very interesting question, for example, that you could put in an essay and you try to answer the question.

You had a great idea with that, I think, but there you could introduce us to more of your writing style and opinion! I would really look forward to it!

Mailice.

sorry if this is bad. I just want people to be aware that we humans are killing the environment, and we need to save it.