Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » General

There Is Nothing Left To Lose

by Ohio Impromptu

There Is Nothing Left To Lose

The wind howled against my window that night and fell to the pane below it. The air behind it was calm like the stagnant beast, ominous to the ignorant. Seeing its short temper I remained as quiet as I could. Outside my window was nothing but tension hanging in the air, threatening my sleep. I was awake anyway so I cared not. The room I call home was large and empty even though it felt cluttered with my many unrecognized thoughts, scattered about like remnants of an explosion in an already abandoned factory. I felt the need to escape but knew I would only find another place like this, only more alien and uninviting. This place was almost a friend in my times of self doubt. It served as a sanctuary when I needed solitude from restlessness that I felt outside. As I sat there in my fortress of loneliness and joy, I felt a tapping at my window. Scared, I remained in the security of my bed. Tap. Again it sounded. Not wanting to know what might be there I fell into my imagination. Wild images of unknown fears and my own insecurities took over. Tap-tap-tap. It wasn’t going to leave me in peace. I gathered up my courage and forced my numb self to stand up. Pushing across the curtains I found my staring into an unknown figure. Draped in white and shining through enveloping darkness there stood beauty personified. Hair of sable and deep brown eyes, like puddles of mud molded into desirable statues of unrivalled splendor. She beckoned me to join her under the night sky on this night of eloquence. Reluctantly I followed.

We left my house and street behind as we ran away from the familiar, all the while smiling at each other like we had known each other for many years, it almost felt like we did. We ran down the road where it curved into the valley and drifted slowly outward into a misery of curves and lines and unknown paths. Feeling that there was no need to run anymore, we slowed to a pleasant walk amongst the forest that covered the valley in shades of emerald and auburn and there we carved our names the flesh of the earth. We halted under a large tree that stood alone and proud on top of a hill, sheltering us from the fears that were thrown down from the sky. Fear was gone. It was replaced by a joyful feeling that there was nothing left to lose. As we stood, alone, gazing into our own desires, falling into what we knew to be alleviating, we saw that neither of us were going back into depression without being weathered and corroded down to our bones. This would only cause sorrow for me though, not her. She didn’t carry the burdens of humanity. She was the untouchable.

Lying on the hillside awaiting the sunrise, she spoke of the moon as if it were her closest friend. “Darkness is merely a veil for one with no need to express their happiness,” she said, trying to teach me about myself. I believed every single word she uttered through her mouth that made me feel empathy for the dumb. “Why is life only a support of death?” I asked in awe of her knowledge. “Like the morning sun in the shadow of its fall, life will be a support for death until it finds its independence from it. Do not ask to be spared when your time comes, for you will only find disappointment in what you are granted.” Her answer was like centuries of literature and philosophy rolled into a single proclamation of reality. All of a sudden I felt content with mortality and everything it entails. Silence fell once again as the sun began to rise over the lonely hilltops that formed the horizon.

Like an ethereal body of radiance, the sun cast light upon the world. Sunrise had never seemed so beautiful. As the light ran up the side of the hill like a messenger delivering the new day, her image grew thinner. She was fading. I knew it would come to this but somehow I ignored it. The look of sorrow on her face had washed away the warming smile I loved so, a pantomime of regret acted out with silence. On top of that hill, under that tree, we embraced like estranged lovers cast adrift years before and only just being reunited. As she became more transparent with every second and every new beam of light, my thoughts strayed to the night before. My joy, my first smile in what felt like ages, my feeling of ecstasy. This was the end of this dream lined with reality. As a tear escaped one of her deep-set eyes, she uttered the words, “Live, it is the way to salvation.” With that she was gone.

I was left alone in my pool of self doubt, drowning in it. Asphyxiation of the heart took hold and was about to take away my last breath when I remembered her words, “Live, it is the way to salvation.” I knew she was right and decided to fight the suffocation in my chest. It felt like acid was flowing through my already decaying veins but the thought of her kept me alive. Cold sweat dripping from my forehead, the taste of copper in my mouth. Then all in one moment I felt totally healed for some reason. I sat up and felt an eerie presence behind me. I turned around and saw nothing but faintly I heard an angelic voice, speaking no words but offering reassurance, I knew she saved me. Feeling disheartened but thankful, I sat on the hillside for many hours, pondering her wisdom, remembering my joy, thinking of the night before.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
331 Reviews

Points: 21430
Reviews: 331

Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:30 pm
fraey wrote a review...

Hello there.

Popping in to give you a review that's very long in coming.

First off, this has an extensive vocabulary, which well neat to read, makes me a little confused as to what type of person this MC is. The fact that they are so impressionable makes me think of a younger figure, but with the way they describe things, this sounds much closer to an older adult. I feel conflicted as to what led to this person being in this apparently horrid place to live. I simply want to know more about whether they have a family, if they have any friends, if they haven't always lived here, and longed for a different place. Some of these mannerisms don't link too nicely with one other, but some more information would help that.

Continuing on, I think formatting would benefit you greatly here, as even the paragraphs without dialogue are a little long. It's hard to keep up with the winding of thoughts through a section as there's so much information to compile and sift through. My suggestion would be to cut these into smaller portions, as this could not only help the organization, but also a higher interest in this.

Finally, the sentiments of this character especially seem all over the place. They were disturbed by the knocking on their window. But they still said yes to leaving and is somehow exchanging smiles after following with reluctance. This doesn't seem too realistic even if this person was basically hidden (or chose not to leave) in this place for a while. From my stand-point, the feelings simply changed way too quickly to garner an explanation why. The MC being apart of a world can be a factor, but still.

Overall, I think that this is interesting enough, but I do like having some background information on the MC at least.

User avatar
131 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 131

Mon Feb 21, 2005 10:02 am
View Likes
Ohio Impromptu says...

Thanks guys :)

Anyone else have anything to say?

User avatar
683 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Mon Feb 14, 2005 10:38 am
Emma says...

Its touching. And yes, start a new line after someone is speaking. But thats it... Its quite amazing!

User avatar
1258 Reviews

Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Sun Feb 13, 2005 6:46 pm
View Likes
Sam says...

Wow. have an awesome vocabulary, and you use the words in a very elegant style.

My only critique- when people are speaking, start a new line. that's about it...

God. i have to read this over again.

You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh