Hello, Nikayla! Gxldencrxwns, once again, here for a review! First, I'll start with your questions, then I'll point out anything I have to say, which is not very much.
First question: Yes, this is very coherent. I enjoy the different meanings the were shown (in my eyes, of course) through every line.
Second question: The flow was perfect. I didn't really see overly huge or overly used words that would break the flow.
Third question: I did find one unnecessary word. In the line: "in your hands as you tore me down from the ground up. from my roots."
I believe the words down, and the ground up could be removed, making it: "in your hands as you tore me from my roots." In my opinion, it sounds smoother than what you had before.
Fourth question: The line about the laser taser line (I snickered when I saw that) is perfectly fine.
Now, on to my words. I have one question: Is there a specific reason it goes from your to I in the lines? There's nothing wrong with it, it just confuses me a bit.
Also, I don't know if that's what you do in poetry, but I'd like to point out the uncapitalized Is. I don't know if that's how they're written in poems, but it kind of annoyed me a bit.
Well, this is the end of this review, have a nice morning/day/night, and keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
Points: 2990
Reviews: 69
Donate