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What animals see

by Nicole136, MapleWay, Nicole136

what animals see

The world used to be vibrant.

And full of wonder.

But since then humans have come

and claimed our land as theirs.

They have come with there

Pollution and machines

There houses and roads

Taking away our homes.

Our food and our lives.

They hunt us with guns

big and small.

Even predators are now prey.

They don't care.

They won't care.

We were once mighty hunters

But now were are pet's for there enjoyment

And we are forced do do there work.

So it is now we sit here in our hidden homes

hoping they wil realize what they have done.

And maybe someday.

This wrong will be righted.

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415 Reviews

Points: 26200
Reviews: 415

Sun Apr 18, 2021 10:57 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...

Hey there, I would love to leave a short review for you! <3 I'll try not to be repetitive with what other reviewers say, but if I do repeat something, then I apologize in advance! ^_^

I love the idea behind this poem. It's always interesting when a poem is in the point of view of something other than a person, and I really like how you made this specific to animals who have been hurt from human actions. I love the use of specific ways animals have suffered by the hands of humans - pollution, machines, houses, roads, and guns. A lot of these thing you mentioned are things that are beneficial to humans (except for pollution cx) so it's interesting to see how the things we treasure lead to the destruction of something else. I think one of my favourite lines is this one

Even predators are now prey.

It's a simple statement, but it's quite thought-provoking, and it's also quite true! Even the "mightiest of animals" sometimes can't help but yield to human destruction. So I really like the thoughts this line encompassed c:

I think my biggest advice for this poem would be to be more specific in language and add some images that the reader can visualize! c: I'll give you some examples ~

The world used to be vibrant.

And full of wonder.

Can you show the reader those vibrant views? Maybe by naming specific colours, perhaps neon, or just vibrant ones in general! And what wonders did they see? Was it nature, like sunsets and sunrises, or the dew on blades of grass? Or was it their family and the wonder of how beautiful life is? Just some thoughts to consider c:

Pollution and machines

How is the pollution harmful? Like what exactly does it do to animals? Do nets tossed in the ocean tangle turtles fins and cause them to not be able to swim? Does smoke get into their lungs and blacken them? Some specific imagery can make this poem even more haunting and arouse sympathy out of your readers

And that's all I got for you! ^_^ You all did a wonderful job on this poem c: I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped!

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13 Reviews

Points: 406
Reviews: 13

Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:21 pm
Ilium417 wrote a review...

Heya, Ilium here for a review!
Bro, I love this so much, great job! :D What you wrote about it was soo true- we continually screw up and expect future generations to take action against it. The topic was really good and really true so that automatically helped your poem. You could definitely expand this into
I agree with stygianmoon17's review with the grammar and the punctuation, the multiple "there"s that that were misspelled threw me off a little bit, and the punctuation could be fixed too. I don't look at punctuation as much, I just read with my own internal emphasis, but punctuation is very important, because it shows the breaks and breaths that a reader is supposed to take (I guess I'm just a wild one XDD)
I love how you put yourself in the perspective of the animals. Writing from a new and different perspective really intrigues people and makes them think in new ways. You did a good job on doing that yourself and being in this perspective which worked well. It's awesome to see how you are from the perspective of the animals and place, not intense anger and hatred, but fear and hope that they will realize soon, placing all the action on the men themselves. It's awesome!
Also, your staccato-like lines did well too. They worked better than punctuation because the reader can read them however they want- either quick and rushed, or slow and emotional.
In the end, this poem had an awesome idea and a great delivery. Please keep writing stuff like this!
Peace and Tacos be with you!

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121 Reviews

Points: 21970
Reviews: 121

Sat Apr 17, 2021 12:23 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...

Hi there :D

Quick typo or/and grammar mistakes list:

They have come with there

"with their"

Pollution and machines

There houses and roads

again, "their houses"

But now were are pet's for there enjoyment

"we are pets" or "we're pets" and "for their"

And we are forced do do there work.

"their work"
and "to do"

hoping they wil realize what they have done.


This wrong will be righted.

"Will be righted", I'm pretty sure doesn't mean anything, and should be something like "This wrong will be put right" or "this wrong will be corrected/arranged/.."

The punctuation was also very jarring. Full stops at almost every line, when really a comma could've done the trick. Try reading out loud your poem, insisting on full stops and commas, and you'll see that it's hard to read as there are a ton of full stops that really slow down the lecture

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155 Reviews

Points: 802
Reviews: 155

Sat Apr 17, 2021 4:07 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hello! You two did a great job collabing! Here for a review!!
This caught my attention as I have always wondered about the POV of each and every creatures and organism and even of what we call ‘non-living things’.

I liked it cuz it tells about how humans have hurt them and literally tortured them. Could you be specific in the poem and make your readers wonder? Except the last four lines, the poems seems to be a generalisation. Maybe you could just greatly insult the humans as they do to the animals. You could tell that humans have forgotten that they are just the evolution of us and one day we will also evolve and might be more superior to them. Or you can add something more specific.

The next thing I noticed is the structure of the poem. I will suggest a few changes. However, it's completely upto you whether you will take my advice or not.
First of all, divide it into stanzas. That will just be visually good and also be organized.

what animals see

Is this a line of the poem? If not, please remove it. I guess it's not a line but the title.
And full of wonder

In the next parts, as you have used lowercase letters to begin lines, you can use that here also. And I really don't understand the significance of full stop in the earlier line. Please remove that.
They have come with there

I noticed this in other parts too. The spelling is ‘their’ and not ‘there’
And we are forced do do there work.

It's a mere spelling mistake.The first ‘do’ will be ‘to’

Overall, it was a good job but would be better with some specifications!


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