z

Young Writers Society


12+

I am Mari (Chapter 4)

by momonster


Insert continued

To -y top ---ctor Eta:

All -- forgiven, Eta. Troops w--l be sent w---in the week-

End

Chapter 4

I wake to wet. Wet on my face. Over and over again. I blink my eyes open to red, with flashes of light.

Something is standing on me.

I leap up, my weapons engaging. The rockets on my arms open, pointing at the thing that was on my chest that is now on the floor.

Arms fold around me in a tight restraint, and I try to break free. The arms wrap tighter, and I eventually grow limp. I feel weak. I have never felt this way before and I don’t like it.

The arms, still holding me, place me slowly on the bed. They release quickly and I hear a gun cock. I turn to face it.

It’s him. The man from the garden- but not just the garden.

I remember him.

I loved him.

“Now.” He says as he sits on a chair. “My dog is not to be shot or anything harmful.” He gestures to the now growling creature. He points to the door and the dog leaves.

The man points his gun at me. “I’m going to ask you some questions, you’re going to answer them, and you won’t try any funny business, ok?” he say. “Ok.” He responds to his own question.

“What is your name?” he starts.

“TS.”

“I asked what your name was.”

“Test Subject.”

“Are you kidding me?” he asks incredulously.

“Mari.” I say.

“Where did you come from?”

“South.”

He shrugs. “I guess that works. What are you?”

“Test Subject.”

He glares at me. “Who made you?”

“My parents.”

He snorts. “How did a machine have parents? Are you talking about whatever made you?”

“I wasn’t always like this.” My heart breaks (metaphorically, of course) at the memory. “I was…beautiful once.”

He stares at me. “Okay, I’m confused. Your name is Mari, you’re from the south, you had parents, and you have a boatload of weapons. Where did those come from?”

I say nothing. I fear I have said too much already.

He sighs. “You have questions to ask me?”

“Who are you?”

“Kaden Anders.”

“What is the date of your birth?” I ask.

“September 19, 2008.”

“Where were you born?”

“What was America, what is now a wasteland.”

My breath comes in quick, short gasps. “And…what were your parents’ names?”

“Marcos and Rebekah Anders.”

I faint again.


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User avatar
659 Reviews


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Reviews: 659

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Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:46 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Momo!

RandomTalks back with another review!

Well, this story is becoming more and more interesting. I am really loving the face (extremely uncharacteristic of me), and I like how you do not give us time to register one twist before you launch another one on us. It keeps us on the edge of our seats and heightens our excitement.

I wake to wet. Wet on my face.

The word 'wet' sounds a little strange here. I think if you replace it with 'wetness', it will sound better?

I really loved the weird sort of interrogation they conducted in this chapter. It made me realize that the scientists must have completely changed Mari's appearance, otherwise the man, Kaden, I guess would have recognized her or at least thought that she looked familiar.

I am also a little curios about the ending. Why did the name of parents shock her like that and made her faint on top of it? I feel that there is something here that we are not really seeing. Well, I for one, am excited to find out!

Keep up the good work and have a great day!




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166 Reviews


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Wed Jan 13, 2021 3:26 pm
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DreamyAlice says...



You are killing it Momo <333
Upload the next chapter fast we are dying to read it.




momonster says...


Aw <3 thank you!



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93 Reviews


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Sun Jan 10, 2021 5:00 pm
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starbean wrote a review...



Hi Momo! Hannah here for a quick review. Sorry I'm late, I have been kind of busy.

Mistakes:
"business, ok?” he say." Say should be says.

Also, it seems like the man's personality changes often. Like one minute, he is glaring and the next minute he is confused.

What I loved
This was an amazing story! I loved the cliffhanger at the end. One thing that I loved is when he said
"My heart breaks (metaphorically, of course)" it is sensitive, yet funny. I don't know many authors who can put those two adjectives into how one person is feeling. Great job! Overall, this is coming along really nicely! I hope you had a merry Christmas, a happy New Year, that you stay safe, keep writing and have a great day!



Hannah




momonster says...


Thanks



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Sun Jan 10, 2021 2:43 am
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SpunkyMonkey wrote a review...



Hi Momo! Spunky here to review!

Grows:

“I’m going to ask you some questions, you’re going to answer them, and you won’t try any funny business, ok?” he say.


"he say" should be "he says"

Glows:

This is a really amazing chapter! I love how the message at the beginning has some parts missing. It's awesome!

My heart breaks (metaphorically, of course)

Besides this being funny, it shows a lot about Mari's personality.

Overall amazing job! I can't wait til the next chapter comes out!




momonster says...


Thank you!



DreamyAlice says...


Spunky I noticed your reviews the grows and glows are a cool way of reviewing


Random avatar
SpunkyMonkey says...


Thanks Alice!




You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling