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Sugar and Price

by MiniGem26

They say girls are made of sugar spice and all that's nice

but if that is true

then who am I and who are you

because on my world for the sweet the sour and the power there is price

we all from time to time don't know what to do

and we all get caged like we are in a zoo

so when the world has you in its vice

don't just sit and stew

find something that can help you and others too

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6 Reviews

Points: 24
Reviews: 6

Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:24 am
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AureliaValus wrote a review...

I really like what you're trying to convey in this. I also like the rhyme (cool words :D). I think if you elaborated on why you believe the things in this piece (Ex. why are we caged? Why do we not know what to do?) Then the piece could really give your readers a deeper sense of what you're conveying or trying to get across. Overall I really love the idea and I think this could become great!

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44 Reviews

Points: 515
Reviews: 44

Thu Nov 07, 2019 8:07 pm
dahlia58 wrote a review...

"Find something that can help you and others too." That's the best advice I've heard in a while. And like you said, girls aren't made of sugar and spice, at least not necessarily. The only thing I would suggest changing in this poem would be to replace "on my world" with "in my world." I take this work to mean that it's okay if you're feeling down, just don't let the world get the better of you. I was having a bad day, but this poem cheered me up a bit.

Thank you very much^^

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8 Reviews

Points: 97
Reviews: 8

Wed Nov 06, 2019 2:49 pm
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LilyPhelen wrote a review...

I see that you enjoy rhyming in you poems, I just feel as if the line "because on my world for the sweet and the sour and the power there is price" seems a bit longer or more complicated than need be. Also you say, "so when the world has you in its vice, don't just sit and stew" which I feel breaks your rhyming pattern in a way that just throws the reader off slightly.
Other than that however I enjoy this poem a lot, I like the idea that people are known to be kind, then they should continue to act kind. The idea of just sitting and pretending to be something your not. I also like your use of common phrases to urge us to do something better for others. I enjoyed this overall and I believe I would like to read some of your other works. Keep writing, I'd like to see more poetry from you in the future.

MiniGem26 says...

Thank you.

If you can't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never find what you're looking for. Don't make things quick and easy to feel better short term. Make a change and then you'll feel better longer term.
— Frinderman