Young Writers Society

Hi! I have just a few things to say.

First, I love the way the poem is set up, sometimes looks do matter. Just reading the poem I can imagine renaissance music in the background.

The visuals you paint for the reader are great, I can imagine everything as you say. There are many descriptions just to make the reader see what is happening.

I can with full certainty tell you this feels like what it is, a bed time story. Something you may find in a movie backstory.

I love the ending, were the child is addressed, it ties the whole thing together!

One thing that I do want to comment on is the rhyming. While I do love when poems rhyme, sometimes it can be overwhelming. In this I feel like something rhymes every two words.

Other than that I really did enjoy this!

An interesting poem! I think I haven't seen many 'children's poems' that have rhymes in the middle of lines; mostly, they seem to have lots of rhymes at the end. I wouldn't read this to a child personally, because it would probably keep them up at night xD I can imagine this being read to a fictional child in a dark fantasy setting, though! Also, the idea that the beast is out for revenge is an interesting twist on the classic 'take the dragon's treasure' quest.

Heyyy! Back at it again with more fun poems.

I really love the sheer amount of rhyming + consonance/assonance you've managed to fit in here. Like no joke that is some Lin-Manuel-Miranda-level rhyming going on in here. (Actually?? I kind of want to listen to someone read this or sing it, just to see if the pauses or held notes make it better.)

However, for all the really awesome rhymes, there is a different meter every line, and that makes it a little difficult to read and also I think hurts the poem's structure.

You have a really clear rhyme scheme here, with these sort of pseudo-couplet pairs. (I say pseudo-couplet because when I read these aloud, a lot of the single lines can actually be split pretty well at one of the main rhyming words, both in length and rhythm) If you commit to an accompanying meter or rhythm, it should actually help to reinforce the weight on each of those rhyming words. Alternatively, you could use meter, or changes in meter, to denote different sections of the poem (ie, the first several stanzas are extolling the... horridness? of the fiend, while the last three pivot to the lesson learned). There are a lot of options, and the choice is ultimately up to you, but I really think it will help to write these kinds of poems with the meter more at the center of the plan.

Additionally, I've found when I write structured or metered poems, it really forces me to be creative with what I want to say, and discover new ways of conveying the information. You're very committed to proper modern English in your poetry, which isn't bad, but also may be holding you back from some really interesting language choices.

Aside from that though, this is still a super fun poem! It's a treat to see these sorts of odes/fables on YWS, since a lot of people here aren't as interested in writing that style of poetry. And uh... who doesn't like fantasy and dragons? The subject matter alone is epic. Awesome job!

-Vento

Hi! I'm going to leave a super short review for this poem!

I absolutely love this. I can't believe that you were able to rhyme the lines, and they also made sense. And also there were a lot of great descriptions.

The words and sentences also have this really resonating sound, and it sounds like such a powerful poem, even though it's just for children. And you used a lot of great adjectives I probably wouldn't have been able to come up with. And like I said, the rhyming was just on point.

One thing though - I think the poem could use a little more figurative language and visual details. I know that it's hard, since you already came up with the rhymes, but this is just a suggestion that I think would make the poem a little better.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem. It's a really cool concept that it's a children's fable. Sorry this review is so short, I hope it's helpful!
Happy Writing!

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