Young Writers Society

This could be the shortest chapter so far, but bear with me!
Thank you for reading!

-Mercedes

Heya, Mercedes!
I'm on mobile so expect crazy typos and no apostrophes, lol.

I really liked how you had Yagi making origami. This little detail says a lot. First, he is good with his fingers and precise. Second, he has a lot of time during which he is doing nothing, so he's occupying himself with origami. Just a detail to consider, tho, where did he get these nice colors? Maybe add a detail that he has a precious stack that he's hiding safe from anybody who could take it? Like under his cot or something? I just see this as being something really close to Yagi and I can see him being protective of his art and art materials.

Also, I really loved how Yagi was going to leave an origami animal for his friend by putting it in through the vent, but wouldn't having the vent open allow Sako to smell Yagis blood? Or does he shut it with the origami on Sakos side? (Trying to figure out how this works, lol.) If you want to add the idea that Yagi has been doing this for a while since Saki left maybe have that Yagi adds the origami animal he's working on now to a collection already waiting for Sako in the vent? Just suggestions.

We care about you

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a nice little sort of bridging chapter this as we wait for a proper verdict on everything that has befallen Sako and we get a glimpse at how Yagi is trying to process all of that. A short but very punchy little chapter that I think does its little bit of almost filler work pretty well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Yagi was lonely. He had no one to talk to since Sako was still in the care unit. He wasn’t used to this still silence. He missed Sako. Sako had been in the care unit for two days now. Doctor told Yagi that he would hopefully be back by the fourth day.

With no one to talk to, Yagi busied himself with some origami. He made a blue and white bird for Sako and wanted to give it to him. But since he couldn’t see him without triggering the nausea, he set it aside so that when Sako came back, he could give it to him through the vent.

The door opened and Doctor walked in. Yagi had been sitting on his bed making the last few folds for his newest red origami fox. Doctor asked how he was doing but Yagi pretended he didn’t hear so instead Doctor sat next to him. “Did you make all of these yourself?” He asked Yagi.

Yagi blew some of his blonde bangs out of his face before nodding. "I don't know who else would since I'm the only one here."

Doctor nudged the arm that had been hurt, “Nice to see your arm is all healed up.”

Yagi shrugged and finished the fox." Sako might still react to it." He sat the paper creation on the palm of his hand as he looked it over making sure every fold was precise and where it needed to be. He became nitpicky when he was anxious.

Doctor sighed, “Yagi, I was told you haven’t been eating or drinking again. You’ve also only been sleeping three hours or so a day.”

Yagi stopped for a second and got irritated. He lifted his head and looked at the mirror. They were always watching him. How else would they know that he only slept three hours a day? He scoffed, “Damn rats. Always telling me off to someone.” He muttered looking back at his fox. Inside he was silently laughing at himself for sounding a little like Sako for a second.

“Yagi, it’s not like that. You have signs on sleep deprivation. There’s no reason to get all mad. We care about you. Especially right now since we know you miss Sakuro. But you can’t punish yourself because he’s in a care unit and you miss him.”

“I’m just not hungry. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He said as he went to fix the left ear of the fox.

“Yagi, you haven’t touched your food at all. Your lunch is still on that table.” Doctor said as he gestured to it.

“Because it’s drugged.” He put the fox down and looked at Doctor, “Do you think I’m just stupid or something? Obviously you guys want me to eat and drink and then get more sleep. You know I’m not going to do it willingly either so you try to trick me!”

Doctor frowned, “Yagi, you don’t have a choice. You’ll have to sleep whether forced or willingly.”

Yagi shook his head and sighed. “Please just leave.” Yagi said as he turned away.

Doctor sighed and picked up a paper butterfly. Yagi's blue eyes moved toward the butterfly and it immediately triggered his irritation caused from the lack of sleep. He walked over to the door and pointed at it while looking at the man still sitting on the edge of his bed. “The door is over here. Leave.”

Doctor glanced at him and stood up after he put the butterfly down. He looked at Yagi, “You’ll thank me later.” He said.

“For what?” Yagi asked as he took a step back.

He pushed Yagi so his stomach was against a wall so that he could push a needle into his arm. Yagi pushed him away before Doctor could even pull the syringe out. Yagi turned around and pulled it out of his arm and threw it towards the door. "Did you just drug me?"

Doctor put his hands out in an act of innocence and to be ready to catch Yagi if he fell. “Just relax, Yagi. Everything is going to be okay. You just need some sleep. This will help you. I promise.”

Yagi’s eyes started to feel heavy and he stumbled back with a shoulder against the wall. “I hate you.” He mumbled. He shook his head several times trying to shake it off. But it was pointless.

Doctor walked over and wrapped his arms gently around Yagi and helped him to the ground. Yagi tried to push him away but it was pointless. He was too tired to accomplish anything.

Yagi felt hot tears fall down his eyes and he didn’t understand why. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that caused his body to turn against his will as his sleepiness became mixed with the other negative emotions he had been experiencing recently. “Sakuro needs me.” He mumbled tiredly, still trying to push Doctor’s arms away. “I can’t sleep. I need to be there for him if he needs me.”

“Just go to sleep, Yagi. Everything is going to be okay.” Doctor whispered. “Sako will be okay.”

Yagi tried to fight it but the drug pulled him farther and farther into darkness. Before he knew it, he could hear Doctor’s heartbeat as his eyes closed as Doctor pulled him closer, picked him up, and laid him in his bed.

“You have to get us out.” He mumbled to Doctor. "My brother cannot die."

"I promise you, he won't. Not on my watch."

After that, everything went dark.

The doctor just drugged Yagi?! Probably so he could go to sleep. If it’s anything bad, then… Yagi should have never trusted the doctor. Or maybe the doctor is finally going to free Yagi and Sako. I really do hope that they are both able to escape and go into the real world. Then again, they haven’t been out in a long time…who knows what will happen?

I hope that you will have an amazing day/night.

This is SO SAD!! Yagi is really falling apart without his friend. It makes me want to cry what he said before he passed out. He's such a sweet friend! I really hope that Yagi and Sako's friendship ends up working out, even though they seem to be fated to be enemies. Well, I for one, believe in them!

Also this chapter was incredible! This is the sort of description I'm talking about! This chapter was so effective! I could really picture what was going on and it made the story vivid and so lifelike. I know writing is one of those things that sort of goes up and down depending on inspiration and interest, but this was a tremendous improvement - good luck on keeping it up! (I know that part is hard too) I have absolutely no complaints about this chapter, it was so so good.

And as an ending note for this short review, it is very cute that Yagi does origami.

Very well done!