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A Carolina Millennial in A Prehistoric Tribe: Chapter One

by MaybeAndrew


Chapter One

Time travel isn't as fun as you think

There is another dilemma when it comes to Destiny. If you believe in no higher power than the universe, then consequently, you probably don't believe in destiny. You probably believe everything is just a roll of the dice in a chaotic universe. But then, we must look at it closer, and if one admits that there is nothing besides atoms bumpings around, one must also assume your brain is also just a bunch of atomic interactions governed by laws. Therefore,  free will is an absurd illusion,  upon this belief, we realize that with good enough math, one could predict everything that could happen, that the universe, is by its very nature, destined. So, fittingly, Destiny, as an idea, is inescapable. Either a higher being has directed the universe, or the universe is directing itself, and therefore, your destiny is will find you. 

-Paul Meyer, The Worshipers Dilemma 

The crash was sudden but not entirely unexpected. One moment I was ripping down the highway, an expanse of concrete and cars surrounding me. I swerved towards the truck, questioning my own sanity.

And then boom, all eighty miles of my speed were discharged into my body. I was expecting to crash into a truck moving in the same direction as me, but instead, I got a stationary tree.

My body flew forward at more than 80 miles an hour. I would have flown straight through the windshield and who knows how far into the forest, but thankfully my future as a one-time human projectile was prevented by the seat belt and then the airbag. I've always thought of the airbag as a nice fluffy pillow that saves you from the steering wheel. Save me, it did, soft it was not.

So, my first experience of time travel was not entirely comfortable, to say the least.

The change in landscape was jarring enough, ignoring the pain, which really could not be ignored. The car had slammed into a tree that had not existed a moment before. Actually, I think that's a bit misleading - because not just had the tree spontaneously appeared, but so had the entire landscape around me. The bright road highway had turned into a dark forest. So I guess it would be more accurate to say I spontaneously appeared in the unsuspecting forest.

Thoughts swam through my head like it was filled with sap, luckily instinct decided I was no longer a responsible decision-maker, which I grant makes sense. I had tried to crash into a truck.

It took over and fumbled for the door handle and stumbled out of the car, grabbing the backpack off of the passenger's seat because I vaguely remembered that was important.

Night blanketed the forest outside the car. The stars winked and glimmered through the branches above. It was too dark to see the ground, so I did not notice the large root until I tripped over it.

I resisted the urge to curse since it didn't seem like a very respectable way for the first person from the 21st century to greet the prehistoric world. So instead, I bit my tongue and sat up on my hands and elbow. The ringing from the crashing faded from my ears, and the churning of the entire world settled. I could hear the crickets, the creaking of wind through the trees above, and the peaceful sound of liquid leaking from the vehicle behind me.

'That's probably not a good sign,' I thought. A moment before it happened, the image of the flames I had seen while undergoing Destiny's Touch was brought back to my mind.

And then, with a loud whooshing, the forest around me was lit up for a moment as fire engulfed my car. As the brief explosion expanded, sending flickering red light over the tree and plants around, a wave of heat hit my body, and fire momentarily surrounded my legs.

Like I said. 

Not fun.

'Well, I guess that's those plans out the window,' I thought distantly, remembering all the supplies in the car.

The roaring of fire subsided and settled to lesser to a consistent but growl of flames.

I knew my legs were still a bit too close to the burning car, but I didn't feel it much,

You gotta love shock!

You may imagine that a day like this could not get much worse, but through the mist of adrenaline and pain, I heard crunching as something moved in the woods.

A large shadow moved towards me, and the thought that I was going to die uselessly flitted across my brain.

And then, from shock, pain, and the blood loss from the leg wound I was not yet aware of, I fainted.

And that's how I, Mathew Meyer, the first-time traveler, met the ancient world.

***

But before we can discuss the consequences of that crash, I'm going to have to start three weeks before it, when destiny came knocking and woke me from a literal and figurative stupor.

I rolled over in my bed and slapped the snooze button on my phone. 'I need sleep,' I justified as I curled back up in the warm blankets. Hiding from both the sunlight streaming through the window and the feeling of disappointment in myself for sleeping past 11. 'It's for my health.'

I had stayed up until 4 in the morning before reading about various weight loss and workout strategies - for my health.

I had set my alarm for 10:00 and snoozed it every 15 minutes for the past six snoozes, and though my sleepy brain tried not to do the math, my three 3 years of college mathematics that sat so usefully in my mind figured it out anyway.

Not working out.

Not researching.

Not writing.

In fact, I hadn't done much of any of those things in weeks.

And I wasn't getting very well rested either, since I was spending most of my time justifying the fact I should be in bed and thinking of all the more productive things I could be doing.

I smacked my mouth. It tasted stale and like all the worst parts of being alive. Sleep faded back, overtaking my frustrated mind. 'This is probably why Jenna left you,' A corner of me thought.

'That is an unfair argument strategy,' I countered as I slipped back to sleep and stayed there for several minutes. Then, my phone rang, the sound cutting through the sleep and laziness. I shot up, blankets and pillows flying off of me. The ringtone seemed absurdly loud. I might have let it keep ringing and tried to ignore it, and I'm surprised I didn't. But it seemed the only respectable corner of me had been waiting crouched to spring at the slightest chance to actually get something done.

I sat up, blinked hard, clearing the sleep from my mind. And then, I answered.

"Hello, this is Matt," I said like I wasn't sitting in bed in sweat pants.

"Hey Matt, it's Charlie!"

I laughed, as a greeting, and because I hadn't heard Charlie's voice in so long. It reminded me of a time long enough ago I had forgotten the crappy parts about. "Charlie, long time no talk! What's going on?"

"Oh, just the biggest thing!" Charlie had a way of talking about everything as if it was the most significant moment in human history, so I was not entirely convinced.

"What's that?" I said, sliding out of bed and beginning to pace around my apartment.

I heard Charlie laugh on the other end like an excited little kid, "I'm working in France now on this new project-So remember back when we were both at university getting our bachelors for physics, and we had that obsession with nacked singularities?"

"Sure," I said. Charlie was an absolute genius, but also so nice that he assumed you were too.

"Well, we did it. They tried it. It just got declassified, well, kinda. It's bigger than the hadron supercollider. It took lasers and electromagnets and diverting part of Paris power, but they were able to get a nacked singularity to exceed lightspeed. But they figured out a way to get rid of the blast of energy, which caused more than just gravitational waves. It opens up a tunnel for a non-zero amount of time-" he was talking like the words were all pushing and shoving to charge out of his mouth.

"Wow, wow, Charlie, slow down. What's going on? Declassified?"

He took a deep breath, "The government was trying to make a bomb, using a little idea that came out in a paper forever ago. Create a naked singularity, and before Hawking Radiation can destroy it, get it orbiting -well, spinning - near lightspeed, and therefore rip a hole in spacetime. The hole then collapses as reality nits back together, releasing a huge blast of energy."

"Uh-hu," I said, vaguely understanding him.

"It works great on paper, really well in fact - creating a blast more than 100 megaton blast. That's double the power of the best A-Bombs. But it wouldn't work as a bomb. To tear the hole, you need a machine that's has a 52-kilometer circumference. That's not the type of thing you can drop out of a plane. So, they handed their research over to us, we got to work, and saw something else. They just wanted to rip open a hole in spacetime for the blast, but if you can get rid of the blast, then you've simply created a hole in spacetime." He paused, "with the right finagling you can keep the hole open, and make it a bit bigger. We're just now figuring out how to determine where- sorry when - the tunnel opens up to." He paused and took a deep breath, "The hole, is literally a rips open spacetime, allowing you to... I mean with you could theoretically..." He laughed, "you can use too... y'know..." He paused as if saying it might break the beauty of it.

My multi-college dropout brain began to fumble with the facts, "Are you saying -" I paused too. It was too holy to say, like speaking God's name. "Are you saying you can actually keep it open long enough too..." I paused again.

"Yes," Charlie said.

We both sat in silent awe for a moment. And then it occurred to me that I existed. "So, where do I come into this?"

"We want to hire you, here, we'll fly you out to Paris for the interview and stuff. It's too hard to explain over the phone. Are you game?"

It was like my brain had been hooked up to an electric wire. I didn't need sleep for days. I then realized in conversations you're supposed to respond to what people say, "um, yeah, I'd be flattered. When, where?"

"I'll email you the details. But I don't want to interrupt anything that's happening with you. Feel totally free to say no. We could find another person."

I laughed, "Are you kidding? No, I have nothing going on, and if I did, I'd cancel it!"

"Sounds great! Just don't tell anyone since this is still technically a National secret. See you soon!"

"Bye."

He hung up.

I leaned against the wall and stared down at my feet.

They'd done it.

They'd discovered Time Travel.

And they wanted me to be a part of that.

Take that, Jenna!


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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: FIrst of all, I love the science mumbo jumbo we've got here, expect me to do a full nerding out on that down below, that aside...I think solid start here...I originally skipped past this cause of how long it was, but uhh, yeah I regret that now, this is actually, I'm glad you asked me to review it. Well you know the drill by now, more details below. :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

Time travel isn't as fun as you think


Words to live by...

The crash was sudden but not entirely unexpected. One moment I was ripping down the highway, an expanse of concrete and cars surrounding me. I swerved towards the truck, questioning my own sanity.

And then boom, all eighty miles of my speed were discharged into my body. I was expecting to crash into a truck moving in the same direction as me, but instead, I got a stationary tree.


Well this is a fun start, but also weirdly reminds me a question from on our physics exams...I don't if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is definitely a thing. That aside, well, this definitely gets your attention as a reader, cause that looks to be a big ouchie there to get things off to a start.

My body flew forward at more than 80 miles an hour. I would have flown straight through the windshield and who knows how far into the forest, but thankfully my future as a one-time human projectile was prevented by the seat belt and then the airbag. I've always thought of the airbag as a nice fluffy pillow that saves you from the steering wheel. Save me, it did, soft it was not.

So, my first experience of time travel was not entirely comfortable, to say the least.


Yeah, I see this is some fairly low budget time travel tech here. ;) That aside, I love this whole sequence so far. Not to mention I like to see the airbags in seatbelts actually coming into play here...I was kind of expecting this person go right through the windshields, but it looks like they know the basics of how to survive travelling through time.

The change in landscape was jarring enough, ignoring the pain, which really could not be ignored. The car had slammed into a tree that had not existed a moment before. Actually, I think that's a bit misleading - because not just had the tree spontaneously appeared, but so had the entire landscape around me. The bright road highway had turned into a dark forest. So I guess it would be more accurate to say I spontaneously appeared in the unsuspecting forest.


As a wise man once said, this is what happens when you don't think fourth dimensionally. Or perhaps this time travel devices takes you to a different location that the one you started, but umm, considering the title of the story, I doubt that.

Thoughts swam through my head like it was filled with sap, luckily instinct decided I was no longer a responsible decision-maker, which I grant makes sense. I had tried to crash into a truck.

It took over and fumbled for the door handle and stumbled out of the car, grabbing the backpack off of the passenger's seat because I vaguely remembered that was important.

Night blanketed the forest outside the car. The stars winked and glimmered through the branches above. It was too dark to see the ground, so I did not notice the large root until I tripped over it.

I resisted the urge to curse since it didn't seem like a very respectable way for the first person from the 21st century to greet the prehistoric world. So instead, I bit my tongue and sat up on my hands and elbow. The ringing from the crashing faded from my ears, and the churning of the entire world settled. I could hear the crickets, the creaking of wind through the trees above, and the peaceful sound of liquid leaking from the vehicle behind me.


Well, there's a lovely undertone of humor in that one...and well as far as a person that just arrived in a time very very different to their own goes, this one is taking it quite well and just about trying to recover from the car crash by the looks of it. This is getting started quite nicely so far.

And then, with a loud whooshing, the forest around me was lit up for a moment as fire engulfed my car. As the brief explosion expanded, sending flickering red light over the tree and plants around, a wave of heat hit my body, and fire momentarily surrounded my legs.

Like I said.

Not fun.


Not that I don't love an explosion, but uhh what exactly caused this? I'm assuming with the talk of liquid you were referring to the fuel leaking, but umm, I highly doubt that a crash with a well...stationery tree would cause an explosive reaction with the fuel tank, it catching fire makes a lot of sense, but uhh, exploding is a feature reserved for cars in movies, not the regular ones.

'Well, I guess that's those plans out the window,' I thought distantly, remembering all the supplies in the car.

The roaring of fire subsided and settled to lesser to a consistent but growl of flames.

I knew my legs were still a bit too close to the burning car, but I didn't feel it much,

You gotta love shock!

You may imagine that a day like this could not get much worse, but through the mist of adrenaline and pain, I heard crunching as something moved in the woods.

A large shadow moved towards me, and the thought that I was going to die uselessly flitted across my brain.

And then, from shock, pain, and the blood loss from the leg wound I was not yet aware of, I fainted.

And that's how I, Mathew Meyer, the first-time traveler, met the ancient world.


Well I guess traveller through time aren't exactly given the most respect in prehistoric times there....I think you do a pretty good job here capturing the shock of all of this going on...and it makes for a lovely scene change there. The good ol' cold open as it were. Also a really sneaky way to introduce this person's name...and well, its a fun opening.

But before we can discuss the consequences of that crash, I'm going to have to start three weeks before it, when destiny came knocking and woke me from a literal and figurative stupor.

I rolled over in my bed and slapped the snooze button on my phone. 'I need sleep,' I justified as I curled back up in the warm blankets. Hiding from both the sunlight streaming through the window and the feeling of disappointment in myself for sleeping past 11. 'It's for my health.'

I had stayed up until 4 in the morning before reading about various weight loss and workout strategies - for my health.


Well, I am already loving the voice of this character here....the irony of being less healthy because they're actively trying to be more healthy is certainly a funny note to start on...although, well let's see where this is going, three weeks earlier sounds like quite a jump back in time so let's hope there's a good amount of important information in those three weeks to justify that.

I had set my alarm for 10:00 and snoozed it every 15 minutes for the past six snoozes, and though my sleepy brain tried not to do the math, my three 3 years of college mathematics that sat so usefully in my mind figured it out anyway.

Not working out.

Not researching.

Not writing.

In fact, I hadn't done much of any of those things in weeks.

And I wasn't getting very well rested either, since I was spending most of my time justifying the fact I should be in bed and thinking of all the more productive things I could be doing.

I smacked my mouth. It tasted stale and like all the worst parts of being alive. Sleep faded back, overtaking my frustrated mind. 'This is probably why Jenna left you,' A corner of me thought.


Well, so far we're going off on kind of a long tangent there, like I understand you're trying to give us a bit of a picture of this person's life, but right after declaring this is how it all begins, I felt like this discussion with himself, while entertaining went on for a bit longer than it should've...at least the way I see it. :D

'That is an unfair argument strategy,' I countered as I slipped back to sleep and stayed there for several minutes. Then, my phone rang, the sound cutting through the sleep and laziness. I shot up, blankets and pillows flying off of me. The ringtone seemed absurdly loud. I might have let it keep ringing and tried to ignore it, and I'm surprised I didn't. But it seemed the only respectable corner of me had been waiting crouched to spring at the slightest chance to actually get something done.

I sat up, blinked hard, clearing the sleep from my mind. And then, I answered.

"Hello, this is Matt," I said like I wasn't sitting in bed in sweat pants.

"Hey Matt, it's Charlie!"


Ahh, well looks like we're now getting to the important event here, this seems like one of those phone calls to me..when a author calls you about your destiny..I mean, you're friend calls with you some new opportunity.

I laughed, as a greeting, and because I hadn't heard Charlie's voice in so long. It reminded me of a time long enough ago I had forgotten the crappy parts about. "Charlie, long time no talk! What's going on?"

"Oh, just the biggest thing!" Charlie had a way of talking about everything as if it was the most significant moment in human history, so I was not entirely convinced.

"What's that?" I said, sliding out of bed and beginning to pace around my apartment.


Charlie seems like a pretty fun character...I already like him...but also you can just tell these two know each other quite well by the way that Mathew here is reacting to things....and well, it always nice to include little things like that in the first chapter.

heard Charlie laugh on the other end like an excited little kid, "I'm working in France now on this new project-So remember back when we were both at university getting our bachelors for physics, and we had that obsession with nacked singularities?"

"Sure," I said. Charlie was an absolute genius, but also so nice that he assumed you were too.


I am assuming you mean naked singularities, not nacked cause one of those is a very cool physics concept that I love and the other just uhh doesn't exist as far as I know. ;) Hmm, although of course you might have just invented that for the story...I suppose you can never tell with science fiction and I should know, I've invented so much nonsense for my stories.

"Well, we did it. They tried it. It just got declassified, well, kinda. It's bigger than the hadron supercollider. It took lasers and electromagnets and diverting part of Paris power, but they were able to get a nacked singularity to exceed lightspeed. But they figured out a way to get rid of the blast of energy, which caused more than just gravitational waves. It opens up a tunnel for a non-zero amount of time-" he was talking like the words were all pushing and shoving to charge out of his mouth.

"Wow, wow, Charlie, slow down. What's going on? Declassified?"


OKay....*activating super nerd mode*...first of all, I think we've got enough fun terms going on for most people to be fooled an be like "Woohoo, fun sciency things, must be legit", so you've got this discussion quite nicely here. BUut, this statement doesn't quite make sense scientifically, the idea of singularity is this one single suuuper gravitationally active point in space time...it doesn't really travel or do anything to exceed lightspeed unless you're talking about spin where it would make a bit more sense although it would still not solve any of the problems we have with using blackholes for time travel, but yeah mostly from a science perspective, this is what we call a mishmash of sciency sounding words that make
not that much sense...so...yeah there's my thoughts on that. *deactivating super nerd mode*

He took a deep breath, "The government was trying to make a bomb, using a little idea that came out in a paper forever ago. Create a naked singularity, and before Hawking Radiation can destroy it, get it orbiting -well, spinning - near lightspeed, and therefore rip a hole in spacetime. The hole then collapses as reality nits back together, releasing a huge blast of energy."

"Uh-hu," I said, vaguely understanding him.


Hmm, you know a black hole bomb is definitely a thing...so this is actually quite a fun little reference...although you definitely shouldn't use one, cause in that cause its just RIP Solar System not just your enemies. Uhh orbiting and spinning are two very different things...I don't think scientist would ever say something like that, orbiting is what the moon does to earth, and then spinning is just an object rotating on its own axis. Be careful with that one. ALso when you say reality here, I guess you refer to spacetime, cause that sounds vaguely more like something a regular person would say about magic and not a scientist about an experiment.

"It works great on paper, really well in fact - creating a blast more than 100 megaton blast. That's double the power of the best A-Bombs. But it wouldn't work as a bomb. To tear the hole, you need a machine that's has a 52-kilometer circumference. That's not the type of thing you can drop out of a plane. So, they handed their research over to us, we got to work, and saw something else. They just wanted to rip open a hole in spacetime for the blast, but if you can get rid of the blast, then you've simply created a hole in spacetime." He paused, "with the right finagling you can keep the hole open, and make it a bit bigger. We're just now figuring out how to determine where- sorry when - the tunnel opens up to." He paused and took a deep breath, "The hole, is literally a rips open spacetime, allowing you to... I mean with you could theoretically..." He laughed, "you can use too... y'know..." He paused as if saying it might break the beauty of it.


See, this is much better..also trust me black hole bombs are wayy more dangerous, but the fact that it would take a ridiculously large thing to carry it and build it is very true. :D Also umm...how does one "get rid of a blast", I'm assuming something like dissipating energy but its not suuper clear ehre. It is fun though, this appears to be a play on a basic Einstein–Rosen bridge and well, I do love it.

My multi-college dropout brain began to fumble with the facts, "Are you saying -" I paused too. It was too holy to say, like speaking God's name. "Are you saying you can actually keep it open long enough too..." I paused again.

"Yes," Charlie said.

We both sat in silent awe for a moment. And then it occurred to me that I existed. "So, where do I come into this?"

"We want to hire you, here, we'll fly you out to Paris for the interview and stuff. It's too hard to explain over the phone. Are you game?"


Well...I will that's fun...this is definitely a nice ol' hook for readers, and as long as you don't look overly deep into things the science sound okay, except just watch out for the language used there, cause I assume this is a scientist speaking, and there are some words they wouldn't use.

It was like my brain had been hooked up to an electric wire. I didn't need sleep for days. I then realized in conversations you're supposed to respond to what people say, "um, yeah, I'd be flattered. When, where?"

"I'll email you the details. But I don't want to interrupt anything that's happening with you. Feel totally free to say no. We could find another person."

I laughed, "Are you kidding? No, I have nothing going on, and if I did, I'd cancel it!"

"Sounds great! Just don't tell anyone since this is still technically a National secret. See you soon!"


Well, uhh...okay, small problem there, I don't think you discuss national secrets through public phone lines, I hope that was encrypted somehow...cause on does not just drop a bomb like that one the end of a conversation without getting arrested five minutes later.

"Bye."

He hung up.

I leaned against the wall and stared down at my feet.

They'd done it.

They'd discovered Time Travel.

And they wanted me to be a part of that.

Take that, Jenna!


Well, good point to end on here....I can safely say I'm interested enough that I'll definitely take a look at part two of this story...I like where this is going.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a couple of nitpicks for me to point out up there, mostly the science stuff cause I am and always will be a super nerd but yeah, I think solid start. I definitely want to read more...and I'm excited to see where it goes. I'm liking both Mathew and Charlie, they seem like fun people.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




MaybeAndrew says...


Oh, thank you so much for the review harry! I'm glad I can get a second set of nerd eyes on this story so I can make sure all my science makes at least some sense.
I'll be sure to iron out those scientific details! Also, true, a national secret on a normal phone lines a bit weird, I'll figure out a way to fix that.
The orbiting spinning debacle is an example of me not knowing what words to use, so maybe you could help. As far as I understand it, when a singularity spins, it actually stretches out into a circle, since an infinitely small point cannot rotate on its axis. I now realize orbiting is not the right word for that, but what would I call that circler stretching?
Thank you so much for your review! Great feedback!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!!
Hmm, I think its generally called spinning, I haven't seen another word used for it before...I guess maybe you can maybe say rotating :D
And no prob!! :D



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!!
Hmm, I think its generally called spinning, I haven't seen another word used for it before...I guess maybe you can maybe say rotating :D
And no prob!! :D



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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyyyyy! Forever here for a review!

Saw the second chapter in the green room so I decided to start from the beginning. I will review part 1and 2 consecutively.

This was quite an interesting start to a novel. The concept of time travel is not very rare or uncommon but the way you represented it was quite unique. You said you were the first time traveller. I wanna know how you concluded that. Secondly, why were you certainly walking towards the truck? If a truck crashes into a human, the person will surely die... Then, why were u walking? Also, was the time travel intentional? I mean did you know how to time travel before that day?

The portrayal of the forest, starting from the description to everything was quite good. This, if seen deeply can also suggest that it was past because before industrialization was on the rise, it was all green everywhere. So, that can be a meaning of the forest. I don't know if you meant the same but it just came to my mind while reading so I told.

And the forest caught fire then. If I am not wrong, the fire was caused due to the liquid(fuel) leaking from the vehicle that is his car. Something which I wonder about is how did he come back? Did he time travel again when he was unconscious? This was all about the first half.

Coming to the 2nd half, I didn't quite understand the meaning of the first paragraph. Why can a person go back only 3 weeks? I need a bit clarification on the topic. Apart from that, the second part seems to be quite interesting. Like a lot of things happening there. Matthew's friend seem to be a part of the project which aims to discover time travel and has almost discovered it. The start was quite funny and just sums up Matthew's life. I don't know why he says he needs to take care of his health. Is it because he doesn't take care of his health in reality or he just does that to console himself?

Next, is Charlie concerned about his travel time thing? I mean did he know that Matthew can time travel? If yes, seems like a good thing maybe and if no, why would a person hire a multi-college dropout for such a significant task? The task actually seems like an ordeal. Now, the chapter ends with me wondering what is gonna happen with Matthew in the interview. And yes, Matthew obviously seems to be shocked. I wanna know if he was positively shocked or negatively shocked.

Just lemme know if my review was of any help and if you have any questions regarding it, feel free to ask me.

Keep writing!

~Forever




MaybeAndrew says...


Thanks for the review!
I must have to really edit this because I seemed to have not communicated many things to you well.
secondly, why were you certainly walking towards the truck?
I had hoped I had made it clear he was driving a. car, but obviously not. And why would a sane man drive towards a truck? Answers like that come later (;
I mean did he know that Matthew can time travel?

Once again, I must probably rewrite this to be clearer, but the first half of the chapter is a sort of flash-forward of types, and the rest takes 3 weeks before he time travels. Matt has not timed traveled when the second half of the chapter takes place but is about to get a job which might lead to that.
All the other questions are supposed to be unanswered for now, so I will not address them here. Thank you for your feedback and I will be sure to edit the chapter.





Oh I see. The time and transition is not very clear in the chapter. And oh I re-read that part, it says he was driving a car. I just missed that. After you are done with the editing, pls lemme know and then I might tell you if that looks better.



MaybeAndrew says...


Edited that transition bit! let me know what you think!



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MaybeAndrew,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I like the subject matter of your story and how you generally begin by describing something that can't be described very precisely. I think you managed to imagine the time travel well in a way with your examples and the inclusion of several emotions and representations.

That's something I liked overall; your first person narrator doesn't fail to talk about himself and his feelings, but also ties them in with the environment. This makes him seem not dull, but part of the interaction with the rest of the world.

I liked how with the first half you introduced a bit of who Mathew is and how he also comes across character-wise at first glance. Especially with the second half, I thought you managed to give that feeling, like a movie where a short flashback is shown, working towards that moment.

You portrayed Mathew well and also showed that he has a motive to do something, as a reader you get some background information about his relationships and also what social class he is in. By means of the conversation with Charlie I thought you gave some very interesting explanations.

In general I thought it was a well written first chapter, with a great introduction of the character and also some side characters. You didn't give too much information but didn't withhold any either, but enough for the reader to follow the story. Through the structure you manage to create two cliffhangers at once. Apart from some punctuation mistakes, I thought you created a solid first chapter.

Other points that caught my eye:

I was expecting a crash, but with a truck moving in the same direction as me, but instead, I got a stationary tree.


This is generally just about word choice, because you used "but" twice. I would perhaps use however or though.

The bright road highway had turned into the dark forest.


I'm not sure why you're referring to "the dark forest" and not using "a dark forest". Since I assume this is the first time the first-person narrator has time-travelled there, the most he knows about it is from books.

Not fun


A full stop is missing here.

I had stayed up until 4 the morning


I'll give you an inn here and then take away an n so you can insert it here. :D

"Hey Matt, it's Charlie!."


There's one too many punctuation marks here.

I heard Charliecharlie laugh


One Charlie too many. :D

singularities?."


One full stop too many.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you so much for the review! I%u2019ll make sure to make those edits.




We tell ourselves stories in order to live...We look for the sermon in the suicide, for the social or moral lesson in the murder of five. We live entirely, especially if we are writers, by the imposition of a narrative line upon disparate images.
— Joan Didion