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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

This Was Her Life, And This Was How She Lived It

by MasterGrieves


She’s making a poet of herself
And she doesn’t even care
Must be nice to be so nonchalant
Not even aware

The people in the crowds are watching
She’s got her audience
She becomes their marionette
And they watch her prance

A dancing child for the masses
Where did her love go?
Disappeared as a mere bite of the mind
And soon fear took hold

Oh, how fear was her downfall
Locked herself in her own house
Built a wall around the perimeter
So she couldn't ever get out

This young poet would die at old age
No sunlight reached her aching lips
Instead, she relied on her many collections
That no-one would ever read or keep

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802 Reviews

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Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:52 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hello! Team Aqua has come for a review! ;) I'm going to go through the nitpicks first, so here goes...

Must be nice to be so nonchalant
Not even aware

I think it would sound better if you changed the second line to /And/ not even aware.

So she couldn't ever get out

So she could never get out might be better.

Okay, now I tell you how much I loved this bit...
Instead, she relied on her many collections
That no-one would ever read or keep

It's really relatable. So many of us won't be published. It will just be us and our beautiful collection of words.

Nice job.




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54 Reviews

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Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:08 am
LanguidLiger wrote a review...



So it seems from the opinion youve effexted here that you have a suspicous outlook on the future of a poet. In the first paragragh you relate your feeling that youve acheived an sudience and a demand you can supply, but this is not where your true passion lies. A marrionette dancing to the tune of thier desires. Instead your passion may lie in private works that you keep from the public eye, considering it unsuitable. Then you relate your initial confusion at this loss of inspiration by saying "where did her love go?". In the end you say the sun light will never reach the poets lips. Does this hint at a desire to be discovered by the public? A revival of that former passion? Anyways, good writing, the grammer works, and your all set.




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Tue Jul 08, 2014 10:04 pm
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EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hello again.

Technically this is a collaborative effort. ;)
So I am not going to review the first two stanzas because I understand them very well. *cough cough*
Anyways....

A dancing child for the masses
Where did her love go?
Disappeared as a mere bite of the mind
And soon fear took hold


This work is very depressing, which you have said yourself. I like the fact you kept the stanzas regularly. The rhetorical question works well and the "mere bite" phrase sounded cooool. :)

Oh, how fear was her downfall
Locked herself in her own house
Built a wall around the perimeter
So she couldn't ever get out


It has a very "woe is me" kind of quality to it :) It's great because it's honest but also very characteristic of a dramatic person.

This young poet would die at old age
No sunlight reached her aching lips
Instead, she relied on her many collections
That no-one would ever read or keep


I feel the first stanza is a bit heavy on the language. You've got a bit of purple poetry going on there ;) The rest of it is good: emotive, dramatic and evocative of certain heartfelt feelings.
Well done.

I love you ♥





Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
— Carl Sandburg