Young Writers Society

Ooh, you wrote this one with nasty intent XD
Ha ha. I like it, very bitter the narration in this and that carries well from the tone you've created.

I wish you could no longer smile
I wish you could no longer smile
I wish you could no longer smile
I wish you could no longer smile

Sometimes glee
Is not the right emotion
Somebody's leaning me

This piece is confusing to a certain sense...the meaning of it is not clear and out there but it is good and shows much emotions..
Imbguessing that it has something to deal with heartbreak and pain...

Also hate is a strong emotive word and so it shows the anger and passionate hate there is in the poem for the pests on or thing it is directed to.

It is dearly a good piece of work yet still confusing because of the clouded vision it leaves me with...also the repeated line: " I wish you could no longer smile." is maybe repeated too many times but shows expression..

It is under he category of lyrics and so I imagined it to be singable but it isn't really possible to be tuned I am not saying it is a bad piece of work because every artist has beauty in there work some way or another but I needs slight work...yet still is amazing stay passionate ....xoxo

Okay how to begin....
This poem is one of those ones that is very clouded for me. Namely because i don't know the meaning behind or am unable to find out from reading. therefore it leads me to think up my own intepretation for it.

That is something i like in poetry. Whilst some direction is good i like it when the reader is able to make his or her own opinions. In this poem's case i see a passionate hate of someone. Especailly at the part where you hate them even moving around. It suggests an unhealthy mind. But then i think it is too literal. when i read the part about the car i think there is something else there. So it occurs to me that it is not simply hate but a different feeling of dislike hidden away.

In some ways it is not completely insane. This is a common feeling that often comes to almost anybody when they are caught in a moment of rage. You know when you are really annoyed of someone on one particular day and you just hate everything about them. in ones mind they think of the most stupid ways to hate them. I know when someone annoyed me in school i thought silly things like them getting slapped across the face so that they wouldn't smile anymore. (twisted i know but hey everyone has their moments) It seems to me like you have captured that emotion and wrote it down. what makes it better is that the poem is full of simple words that have been written quite childishly. the repetitiveness and the constant use of the word hate all add to this idea of rage. Not serious rage but that temperary moment of rage that i talked about earlier.

The lines where you say 'I wish you could no longer smile' is what really strikes me. It is so overused that it drives me to think that this poem has no real serious background. If someone was really angry at someone else or something, they would never write something so trivial yet the fact that they have suggests an irrational way of thinking.

I don't know if this is what you intended but this poem literally translates to me as a child's fury from everyday life issues like bullies at school or having a fight with an older brother. It is really good how you captured such emotions and poured them into a poem. People often go and write great works on epic moments and here you have written about the most common of times. In a way yours trumps many others because it so relatable.

Having said that i don't know what the part about the cars and stuff is about. I am actually not that great at understanding poetry. So go ahead and tell me?