z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Repetition Repetition Repetition

by MasterGrieves



It's the sound of death.
Such an intense hum.
Is it even sound?
Or is it my brain?
As my mind repeats,
such drastic commands.

It's the one I love.
That cold click, again.
I want it to live,
forever and more.
As my mind repeats,
such drastic commands.

You may repent it.
You may be hateful.
"It's against nature!"
But you've got it wrong.
As your mind repeats,
such silly remarks.

I'm moving closer,
towards you smiling.
I know I will stop,
once you start to bleed.
As my mind repeats,
such drastic commands.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
530 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 530

Donate
Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:32 am
Renard wrote a review...



I'm glad you wrote this work.
I'm glad you gave it the title you did, because it explains the basis of your writing! XD
And you're acknowledging it. Hee hee. :D

I know I will stop,
once you start to bleed.


The blood is back! Did it ever stop? XD

You may repent it.
You may be hateful.
"It's against nature!"
But you've got it wrong.
As your mind repeats,
such silly remarks.


I think nature and science actually play a big part in your works and that's interesting, because it's a dynamic I had failed to notice before, either that, or it wasn't present in some of your later works.
Either way, it's an interesting dimension to add to this piece.

Kudos.




User avatar
54 Reviews

Points: 5990
Reviews: 54

Donate
Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:55 pm
silentpatronus wrote a review...



Howdy ☺

I’m going to review your work!


such silly remarks.

Such needs a capital ‘s’.

towards you smiling.

Towards needs a capital ‘t’.

once you start to bleed.

Once needs a capital ‘o’.

such drastic commands.

Such needs a capital ‘s’.

Apart from some small capitalisation erros this is a very effective poem. It’s one of my favourites that I have read on this site to be honest.

Keep writing. ☺





The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket