Hello again.
Back to the reviewing. Hmmmm.
I feel that this work is a bit like a game:
Here's perfection
Here's my blessing
Glad you agree
And you're nodding
People think
My time is up
But it's only begun
The narrator starts by being sarcastic, then keeps rambling. Emphasised by the lack of punctuation.
There's the king
Kill the king
No need for kings
So kill the king
These next lines make it feel like a game of chess to me. XD That you are rebelling against the monarchy in a calculated sort of way.
Don't remember
What I do
To make sure there is
(stop)
Pure perfection
(breathe)
Making profit
Off the wrong hands
(wait)
Isn't it sod's law?
(we've done way too much)
All the parenthesis in this work makes it hard to know what's real and what are just character's thoughts. Nonetheless, it is an interesting idea.
At the end:
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
You pull your classic move and I begin to feel like your writing is just a game. it has rules and conventions to it, and this is an example of where you don't break them.
Points: 240
Reviews: 530
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