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Planes

by MasterGrieves


Someone's picking me up
Picking me up from the airport
And when they pick me up
I wish I was still on the floor
Not so high in the air- 30,000 feet
There's bound to a collision
And when we get too high in the air
I'll jump out for no apparent reason

I have a fear of planes
Which is a disadvantage any way
I have a fear of air
The fact that something dangerous is everywhere
I have a fear of clouds
The last thing I'll see when the plane goes down
I have a fear of wind
I get so worked up it might do something to me

They better be in traffic
To delay what I must do
Stepping on board, talking to strangers
Forced to eat when I don't want to
I can imagine the smell of perfume
I can imagine the smile on a face
Yet little do they realise
Something is wrong with this place

I have a fear of planes
Which is a disadvantage any way
I have a fear of air
The fact that something dangerous is everywhere
I have a fear of clouds
The last thing I'll see when the plane goes down
I have a fear of wind
I get so worked up it might do something to me

Planes scare me everyday
Planes make me nervous


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530 Reviews

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Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:23 pm
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Renard wrote a review...



The title of this one sounded like a pop song. But I didn't expect you to write a pop song,don't worry. XD

Someone's picking me up
Picking me up from the airport
And when they pick me up
I wish I was still on the floor
Not so high in the air- 30,000 feet
There's bound to a collision
And when we get too high in the air
I'll jump out for no apparent reason
The style of this one is very cinematic, like you're describing something you're seeing as it's happening, that translates well as I read it, although you are a bit word heavy towards the end of the stanza/verse.

They better be in traffic
To delay what I must do
I feel like there are parts of this you have added just for the sake of it? How much of it is relevant to your point? And what is your point? Or maybe this is a work that doesn't have a purpose.
But you have used punctuation, so;;; WOW!
XD

I have a fear of air
Poor you. :P
XD




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55 Reviews

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Sat Nov 24, 2012 5:14 am
mb1221 wrote a review...



Overall, I really liked your poem. The topic was really interesting and it exactly expressed my opinions and feelings about planes as well :D

My advice for you about this poem would be; try to use less repetitions. There're a lot of repetitions you used to tell your fear about planes. You might have wanted to emphasize that part specifically, but I think that is a lot...

On the other hand, I enjoyed reading this one! Keep up with the great work, continue writing :)




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Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:05 pm
Ego wrote a review...



DISCLAIMER: The following is my opinion only. In no way is it an objective analysis of the quality of your work, nor a reflection of you as a writer.

I have a fear of planes
Which is a disadvantage any way
I have a fear of air
The fact that something dangerous is everywhere


Too much inconsistent, forced rhyme. I think it ruins the flow of the piece, because instead of choosing words that work, you've crammed square words into circular spaces for the sake of a kind-of rhyme. Also, the second quoted couplet does not fit with the first, because the structure of the two couplets is totally different. Two medium length lines followed by one short one, and one long one - reads funny.

They better in traffic


Whut. I don't actually know what this means. There's a couple places in the this poem where the line is really ambiguous and arbitrary - you might want to tighten it up.

This being said, I'm a fan of the subject matter and the concept of a plane ride as a metaphor for a relationship, aerophobia for commitmentphobia [a crappy, but real, word].

- D





Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon