Young Writers Society

So this is a more interesting work. XD

I will do the review in the parts of the poem. So: Part 1:

Where is that fragrance,
that used to haunt me? - interesting opening, glad it questions something
Dissolved in the air? - scientific sounding
Maybe it's still there. - doubt is interesting
Give me that sweet sound,
which drives me near. - near to what?
Perhaps it's still there,
and I can't see where. - confusion. In the reader and the character XD

But the truth backstabs. - nice line
And the truth just kills. - bit too hyperbolic. You made this point in the first line.
To know I'm alone, - sad
so far from my home. - very sad indeed
My house has transformed,
into a shroud of faith. - this seems more metaphorical than literal. Cool.
But as cars go by,
I lose sense of time. - nice, ambient, kinda cliche, but it works.

Everyday's the same. - ah ha: a groundhog day kinda feeling.
Progress and movement,
are concepts stillborn, - love those lines
without schools of thought.
I failed my deadline. - hmmm so this work is about failure.
No need to repair.
So this is real life:
a long distance wife.???? Based on real life?

A button that implodes,
and barricades light. - you have a very poetic way with words in this piece. I like it, it's unusually flowing for you, with less repetition.
As I navigate,
the pressure breaks weight.
Collapse into now. - Yes, my opinion has been confirmed.
The fate in my hands.
I could end it all,
and just watch it fall.

THIS IS YOUR BEST WORK!

Out of all that I have ever read by you, this is it. It's truly beautiful. Very jealous of your words. Well done hunny.
I love you.

~L
xxxx

Really well done; it has a quick, springy rhythm to it that I really like, and your use of language is strong and lyrical.
At the same time I must say that the rhyming seemed kinda... off. As if you couldn't decide whether or not you actually wanted the poem to rhyme and just kept switching back and forth - and those rhymes that did make it in either sounded a bit forced or too loose to be truly called a rhyme. I think the poem sounded a lot better at the points where you weren't trying to rhyme anything - a lot more natural and poignant.
My favourite lines have to be

Paranoid old me.
Just waiting for the backlash.
Like I always do.

Just one word: MAGIC!

Wonderful, Twin!!