Young Writers Society

Hello.

So this basically looks like a "hate" work in the direction of this character:
Megan. Poor girl. XD

Her name is Megan.
She is so jealous.
For some odd reason.
But she can't tell us.
She will talk to me.
And it will be nice.
But if she leaves me.
Then I will then cry.

So, she's jealous in an incomprehensible way, or at least that's how it feels to the narrator. She is only confiding in one person which is nice, but if the narrator gets left alone by her, then he will feel very upset.

Megan!
Megan!
Megan!

exclamation marks + repetition = AJT's writing.

A bisexual.
Knows sex positions.
She loves your staring.
She asks you questions.
She wants it all now.
Can I give it good?
I know I shouldn't.
But I really should.

So we've established Megan's sexual orientation. I assume this is in some way relevant. She has clearly had sex? Or at least knows a lot about her positions. She likes being admired and talks and is eager. The narrator is then questioning himself about being good in the bedroom? He's also experiencing some sort of moral conflict about "giving it to her."
XD

People call her names.
"Whore", "jizebel", "slut".
Those names don't apply.
She's just curious.
She just wants some love.
She wants connection.
She wants to tell you.
She'd cause friction.
If only you gave.
You gave her a chance.
You can make her smile.
You can make her dance.
You can make her love.

Hmm. So people are really mean to poor Megan, because she is a bisexual? I'm not sure that makes sense.
Again, the stacked way this is written and the repeated language are just how you write. XD Erm, I think in some ways this work could be interpreted as childish. or, very desperate and manic? XD I'm not sure, but Megan seems to be having a tough time of it.
I feel sorry for her and the narrator in this. very sad indeed. :/

~L

Hi, AJ!

I think this song is a nice start, but I think it's also missing.... Well, in my opinion, it's missing about half the point. You have some good moments here, which I'll be more than happy to point out to you here, but I'll also give some insight into my perception of the song.

So what I really liked here are verses 1 and 2. Well, definitely verse 2 and only parts of verses 1 and 3. The point of this song is about Megan and who she is, ja? It's only giving us a very... vague glimpse at who she is. A lot of it is just telling us simple facts. Fiction isn't the only place where show-don't-tell is a helpful point to consider. In this case, imagery would be lovely!

After reading this, I didn't... care about Megan as these types of songs tend to do. At least, they provide a certain emotion for the subject. But after I read it, I feel like the speaker didn't tell me everything. As if they're hiding something or holding something back. I still don't know who Megan is or why I should care. Yeah, it sounds like there's some mistreatment going on, but prove to the reader that it's undeserved treatment. (And you know me! I certainly dislike mistreatment, but not every audience is as sympathetic as I am.Or empathetic? Whatever!)

Also, once again, there isn't much technique used with words. You remember poetic devices? (i.e. repetition, parallelism, alliteration) They're not limited to just poetry. In fact, fiction writers still use those. And they're definitely available for lyricists. Lyrics has a habit of making words catchy and memorable. So when writing them, the lyricist wants to consider how to get the listener to remember the words. They want the listener to listen to it again.

People call her names.
"Whore", "jizebel", "slut".
Those names don't apply.
She's just curious.

That all said, I think this part did it pretty well. There's a slant rhyme at the end, which makes the lines catchier than the other parts of the song.

She's just curious.
She just wants some love.
She wants connection.
She wants to tell you.
She'd cause friction.

This, on the other hand, doesn't make me care about her. They're kind of "eh" lines. Basically, why is the speaker telling us this? What are they talking about? The listener could very well just disregard these lines. The speaker doesn't seem to be trying to convince the listener she's wonderful and beautiful. Just that Megan is there so be nice.

Hopefully that gives some insight on the song! I think you can certainly make this better. Like I said, there are some good moments, and you were on the right track. Just needs some more attention!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!