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Lifes Got Me In Its Pocket (protest poem)

by MasterGrieves

Snatching the babys hand.
For lifes not what I love.
Its the peoples choice.
Its democracy and love.

Adams protest:
No apostrophe.
I can bend language.
All days of the week.

No apostrophe?
This kids mad!
Well you know what?
You better be glad.

To all the snobs.
Concaved in lifes mirror.
Apostrophes arent needed.
For me its no winner.

And I can be as artful
As I so wish to be.
Without a single use
Of a fucking apostrophe.

Then again, who needs flow?
I can use lifes natural rhythm.
And I can use lifes beat.
A beat thats worth living.

So what if one lines got four syllables?
And the others got six?
I know the rules.
I know the consequences.

But I rewrite.
I reitterate.
For lifes no repeat.
When its gone, itll disintegrate.

Oh, and who needs a consistent rhyming pattern?
I dont really have them.
For lifes holy book has no rhyme all the time.
So best to keep it all in line. For this modern age.

And guess what!
I dont focus on technicality.
I focus on words.
For words give me freedom.

The art of being free.
Its the art of lifes bogus policy.

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1322 Reviews

Points: 24411
Reviews: 1322

Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:27 pm
Hannah wrote a review...

Oh, a poem about poeming and being angry at all the ways that different poets like different things and tell you that you have to write different and opposing ways to be successful! I've been there. I've felt that emotion, and you lay it out clearly for people to see.

The problem is that I think it's an emotion that would be beneficial for EVERYONE to read, but you've only aimed this at one audience: writers. Only a poem writer could read this and understand that, and I think that limits your readership a whole lot. So what could you do to open it? Well, I understand the point of it is to write about the rules of the poem and not wanting to follow them. I also know that if you just went to a general metaphor of misbehaving, it would sound trite, because lots of people write poems about doing bad-cool things and being proud of them.

I think the cure here would be an extended, but not too abstract, metaphor. If, for example, you were making a welded metal statue instead of a poem. Maybe you'd heat up one part of the iron too hot so it melts and smokes, just because you want to see what the heat of your torch can do, and you don't really care about preparing the metal before hand. This shows the same disregard for the advice of others, but it's not quite as over done as, "I don't have to write this poem the way you tell me". Of course, it also requires research about the metalwork process. But you can pick something else you know more about.

Hope this was helpful.
Please feel free to PM me with questions or comments about this review.
Good luck and always keep writing!

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933 Reviews

Points: 4311
Reviews: 933

Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:44 pm
Iggy wrote a review...

Hey! SecreteJournalist directed me here, so let's get started. I'm not the best of a poet, but I'll do my best!

This poem was pretty cool, despite breaks in the flow at times. I get the concept you are tryin to get across, and while it was very hard for me to read this without going all grammar Nazi on you, I understand why you did it.

Overall, you did a good job on this! Besides the obvious and intended errors, I didn't see any other things to nitpick at, since I suck at poetry. I especially like how you mad it cealr that you were purposely not using apostrophes and such! Helped save me a lot of confusion.

Keep on writing!

~ Iggy.

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1464 Reviews

Points: 15394
Reviews: 1464

Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:39 pm
Juniper wrote a review...

Hey, 8! June here,

The lovely prior reviewer alerted me to this work of yours, so here I am! Let's have a look, shall we? To begin, I don't like the way the poem begins in an active tense "snatching", because it doesn't continue on that way. While I think variety is just as good a device as any, consistency in poetry for the sake of holding your readers' interest is heavily important.

• The poem trudges forward kind of haphazardly-- there's nothing consistent about the stanza length, no stylistic devices being used. The tenses change and the focus changes from the I-voice to the general and back.

• You repeat and linger on a few ideas throughout the poem. Although there are worst fates your poetry can suffer, a poem about protest could take every space it could get to come across as powerful and strong and exciting. Keep the images fresh and you have a happy audience.

• Lastly, spell check is a gorgeous thing. Use it. It's important to make sure that your work is devoid of spelling and punctuation errors before you share it, because both contribute a degree of detail to the poem.

Just my two cents, hope that helps!


xx June

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171 Reviews

Points: 872
Reviews: 171

Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:24 pm
SecreteJournalist wrote a review...

I was scrolling through your portfolio, deciding what to review (in desprate need to review haha) , and realized this has not been reviewed!! Total outrage! *le frustrated at the lack of reviews*

I would introduce myself, like I always do at a review, but I am pretty sure you know me c; Haha, but anyway, onto the review!

I write poetry a lot, so I laughed. Like.. really hard did I laugh when I read this. I enjoy the protest, because I feel this was a lot as well. I would correct you, for I see a few mistakes, but in the circumstances, I will let it slide!

I do agree with this, for who created such a bogus thing called grammar, technicality? Shouldnt we write to our hearts desire. I dont see anyone correcting Shakespeare! Or Edgar Allen Poe. So why should we be corrected?

Overall, under the circumstances, this is absolutely perfect ^.^ I would bug you to keep writing, like I do in every review, but I know you, know you will keep writing to your hearts desire. Great job Adam!

The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare