z

Young Writers Society



Just The Five Of Us

by MasterGrieves


Spoiler! :
This was a script I wrote 3 years ago. It is flawed in places and fairly short, so don't expect anything up to the standard you expect from me. This was my attempt at writing a zombie film.

JUST THE FIVE OF US

WRITTEN BY ADAM

We start off as we fade in to a cd player. The song Help! by The Beatles plays. The opening credits roll over a montage of empty parts of a city. When the song ends, the camera pans over to JERRY KEATON unconscious. He wakes up. He scratches his head. The camera pans over to the landscape and back to him.

JERRY

What the hell?

Suddenly, someone jumps up on him from behind. The person is roaring, and showing it’s teeth. Jerry pushes it off. He looks over. Another one is running towards him. But then, the zombie running flies back. Jerry looks confused. Cut to the other zombie. It is stumbling to it’s feet. A foot goes on it’s body. The camera pans up. LEE BENNET is holding a gun. We hear a gunshot. He turns. Cut to Jerry. He stands up. Lee approaches him.

LEE

Name?

JERRY

Jerry Keaton. Yours?

LEE

Lee Bennet. Have you been bitten or scratched?

JERRY

No. I don’t think so.

We dissolve into them walking down a path.

LEE

Why are you here? In this park?

JERRY

I don’t know anything. I just blacked out.

LEE

You didn’t know?! How- Ok. Let’s get this straight. You can remember only BEFORE the events?

JERRY

I already told you, Lee. Besides what were those things?

LEE

Zombies. You know, Left 4 Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, “They’re coming to get you Barbara”, nothing?

JERRY

I know what a zombie is. I thought they were only myth.

LEE

Well, technically they're not zombies, but they very much act like them. This is how it all started. In 2011, Barack Obama announced that scientists would reanimate body parts that were either removed or forcefully taken off. It backfired. The things that they used contained a new type of super bug, some kind of bacteria. It didn’t do the trick, but it did have a deadly effect. It passed on through one of the scientists. They passed it onto Obama. Then to here in the cities in England. The only part that is safe is the countryside.

JERRY

Really? How many left?

LEE

Including you and me, 5.

JERRY

Oh.

LEE

Just the five of us, I guess.

We dissolve into them meeting with FRED MANN.

LEE

Fred, this is Jerry. A survivor we found.

FRED

Nice to meet you. I guess.

JERRY

Why is he, um, depressed?

LEE

His best friend had to be killed. Turned into a zombie.

FRED

It’s ok, he won’t make the same mistake, you know?

JERRY

Well, where’s the house?

FRED

Across the road. We’ll need some supplies. And perhaps sooner than we thought.

LEE

Yep, and Jerry, you can talk with Dean who leads the operation and even Harvey.

FRED

Harvey hates people who can’t fire guns.

LEE

Regardless, he has to come. He’s not safe here. None of us are.

FRED

ZOMBIE!

Cut to the other side of the field. Another zombie is running towards them. Cut to Lee. He whips out his gun and fires. Cut to the zombie. It falls down. Cut back to them. Jerry wipes his head.

JERRY

What things do we need?

LEE

Ammo. And a lot of it. Luckily, the military failed to take them down, so we took some guns. See if there is more ammo, Fred. Particularly machine gun.

FRED

Why?

LEE

I just want to pump them full of lead before I shoot their heads. Only way to kill them by the way, Jerry.

JERRY

I know. From movies.

FRED

Lets not waste time, let’s go.

We dissolve into them approaching a house. Fred is carrying a machine gun, a scythe and 2 pistols.

FRED

Can someone help me, please? This is WAY too heavy.

LEE

Sorry, man. Can’t do anything about that.

He knocks the door. Out steps DEAN COLE.

DEAN

Hey Lee, Fred, and you must be Jerry. Lee’s my step brother; he told me about you on the phone on the way here.

FRED

Where’s Harvey?

DEAN

Inside, I’ll call him. HARVEY!

Out steps HARVEY TAYLOR.

HARVEY

Who’s this?

DEAN

Jerry. A new guy.

JERRY

Hello.

HARVEY

I don’t like him.

He goes inside. They others sigh and roll their eyes.

JERRY

Is he ok?

LEE

He’s always like that. Friends murdered at the same time. They were zombies.

DEAN

What’s the situation?

LEE

It’s gone critical. They’ve gotten smarter. We need to move. To the countryside.

FRED

How? Just-

Harvey swings the door open.

HARVEY

Ok, newbie, you got what it takes?

Cut to the outside. He is practising his shooting.

HARVEY

Fire!

Jerry shoots. Harvey laughs and claps.

HARVEY

Good, in less than 3 minutes, you now know how to use a gun. You need that in close combat, so aim for the head. As well as using blunt objects like bats.

JERRY

Well, thanks Harvey. Very much. What about using hands? They say you know how to.

HARVEY

That’s coming up.

Cut to inside. Lee is putting crisps in bowls and Dean is cutting some vegetables.

DEAN

What should we do, when the food runs out?

LEE

I may be smart, but I ain’t that smart.

DEAN(Laughing)

Oh really? You were a lawyer, before this whole thing happened

LEE

Well, since Melissa and that, I’ve-

DEAN(Putting down knife)

Come on, Lee. That was 2 years ago. You did the right thing.

LEE

Kill my own child?!

DEAN

It was gonna become a zombie! She was bitten whilst in labour at the evacuation site. That’s when I found you. Remember?

LEE

She was left for dead! BY ME! And my- my stupid ways.

Fred enters.

FRED

There’s some heading this way.

LEE

Well, let’s go.

Cut to outside. Harvey turns and runs into the house. Jerry stands there. Harvey turns back to Jerry.

HARVEY

What are you waiting for?!

Jerry runs inside. Cut to outside. Jerry goes out of the house. Lee is shooting a zombie with a machine gun, Fred gives Jerry a gun, and Jerry starts shooting, Fred goes back to what he was doing which was hitting one of the zombies, Harvey picks up a pistol and shoots some zombies and Dean is having a fight with one of them. Cut to Dean. He kicks the zombie, and punches it repeatedly. When done, he spits on the body. Cut to Harvey. He fights off two zombies and shoots them both back to back. Cut to Jerry. He almost gets bitten, but shoots it up through it’s mouth. Cut to the zombie. Blood is all over it’s face. Cut to Lee. 3 zombies corner him. He shoots away until they both fall down. Individually, he kicks their heads in. Cut to Fred. He’s beating down on a zombie. He turns, and a zombie bites his neck. Cut to Jerry. He turns, and looks ahead.

JERRY

Fred!

Cut to Fred. He falls down, blood all over his neck. Jerry runs to him, and shoots the zombie in the head. Lee runs to them. A zombie goes in his way, but he shoots it and when it goes on the floor he shoots it in the head. He picks Fred up. Cut to Harvey & Dean. As they finish of the remainder of the zombies, they look ahead. They run off screen. Cut to inside. Fred is on the sofa, sweating. Harvey is pacing.

HARVEY

You alright, Fred?

FRED

I think I’m gonna be sick.

Harvey sighs. He goes into the kitchen. Cut to the kitchen. Lee is loading a gun. Harvey bangs the table. Lee goes inside. Cut to Jerry. We hear a gunshot off screen. Jerry sighs. Lee goes in. He sighs as well. Harvey breathes heavily. Dean goes inside.

JERRY

He’s in a better place now.

Harvey turns and punches him. Lee holds him back.

HARVEY

Did you even know him as long as I did?!

LEE

Calm down, Harvey! If I can control my anger, you could. Did you have a child? Which at just a few minutes old was killed because of a stupid virus?! NO! So shut up.

He pushes him away into the wall. Lee storms in. Cut to the garden. Dean is putting soil onto the ground. He looks down.

DEAN

Goodbye, my friend.

The song Fifty On Our Foreheads by White Lies plays over a montage of them sitting around, boarding up windows and packing bags. When the song ends, they sit down.

DEAN

Well, the car’s on full petrol. We’ll make it to Norfolk. Easy.

HARVEY

You sure?

LEE

When he says we are moving, we really are moving.

JERRY

When shall we set off?

LEE

In the morning.

JERRY

That’ll be good, they won’t see us.

HARVEY

Besides, they’ll go hungry.

DEAN

They could eat themselves.

LEE

The flesh would be rotten.

DEAN

I’ll get some supplies, from over the road. I’ll bring a gun.

Cut to outside. He is walking down the street. He looks over. A zombie runs over to him. He shoots it. Another one comes, but he punches it and shoots it while on the ground. Cut back to the house. Harvey is looking out of the window.

HARVEY

He’s good with a gun, that’s for sure.

JERRY

He’d better be careful. Those things are deadly.

LEE

Don’t worry. He’ll be alright.

He smiles. Cut to Harvey. He looks confused.

HARVEY

He was there a minute ago.

Cut to Dean. A zombie is mauling him. Another set of zombies approach. Cut back to the house. Lee looks shocked.

LEE

Dean!

Cut back to Dean. More zombies approach him. He presses his gun. It’s out. He screams. Lee runs towards them and shoots them off.

LEE

You ok?

DEAN

Yeah.

He turns and faces the house. He gives a thumbs up towards it. He looks down. Dean is gone. We hear screaming and rustling of the bushes. He looks through the bushes but he can’t find anything. Cut back to the house. He closes the door and rushes in. He puts more stuff in the bags.

LEE

We’ll have to leave quicker than I thought!

JERRY

Why? Where’s Dean?

HARVEY

He was taken, I know he was.

LEE

Probably, yes.

JERRY

Come on, we’ll set off at, like, 7am in the morning.

LEE

No. No. I want revenge. We have to kill them.

HARVEY

Relax, will ya?! He’s dead and gone, okay?! Like Fred, like Melissa, like my soul!

LEE

Your soul, ain’t my problem!

Lee punches him. Harvey falls down. Harvey runs upstairs. Cut to Harvey. He goes inside and locks the door. Cut back to the two.

JERRY

Anything I could-

LEE

Tomorrow……we’ll kill those little suckers.

We dissolve into a bedroom, the lights are on, the curtains are drawn and Jerry is reading a book. Lee enters the room.

LEE

What are you reading?

JERRY

A comic book.

LEE

Which one?

JERRY

Sin City.

LEE

Is it good?

JERRY

I could read it to you.

LEE

Knock yourself out.

JERRY

Ok. “I feel lousy in a lousy part in a lousy town. In deep thought, I look into the eyes of a goddess. Her name was Goldie.”

While saying this, Lee drifts off to sleep. We dissolve into Lee sitting around in a house. There is a knock on the door. A man sits up and opens it. Suddenly, zombies jump on him. Another zombie approaches Lee. He screams. Cut to the bedroom. He wakes up. Jerry puts down his comic book.

JERRY

You ok?

LEE

I had a nightmare.

A zombie jumps up from the bed and grabs Jerry. Lee screams. Cut to the bedroom again. He wakes up. He looks around. Jerry is asleep. He sighs.

LEE

Tomorrow it is.

He goes back to sleep. We fade out. Fade in to the street. We cut to several empty parts. We cut to inside. Harvey is sitting in a chair. There’s a thump. He stands up. He looks over. He gulps. He rushes off screen. Cut to the bedroom. He enters. He shakes both of them.

JERRY(Waking up)

Harvey?

LEE(Waking up)

What is it?

HARVEY

They’ve completely broken the lock. They’re-they-they’re coming in.

LEE

Crap! Ok, lets go.

JERRY

I’ll get the machine gun this time.

HARVEY

I’ll get the bat from the garden.

LEE

And I’ll get the pistol.

Cut to outside. Zombies are banging the door. Cut to the garden. Harvey is looking around. He looks up. He gulps. Cut to the other side. Dean is there, panting. Cut back to Harvey.

HARVEY

Crap.

Cut to inside. Jerry runs out with the machine gun. A zombie gets in. He shoots it. Cut to lee. He is shooting from the window. Cut to outside. A zombie falls down. Cut to the garden. Harvey is trying to fight off Dean. He dodges Dean. He pushes him off.

HARVEY

So, you tried to kill me, huh? You were always as pathetic as-

Another zombie jumps on him. Dean gets up. Suddenly, more come for him. They proceed to eat him. Blood comes out of his mouth. Cut to the zombies. They are ferociously eating parts of him. Cut back to Harvey. He closes his eyes. Lee runs out, and shoots them. He looks at Harvey’s body. Then at Dean.

LEE

I’m sorry, Dean.

He shoots Dean. Dean falls down. Cut to his face. Blood is coming from his forehead. Cut to Jerry. He is still shooting a couple of zombies trying to get in. He reloads.

JERRY

Lee?! I need your help!

Lee enters the room. He shoots a couple of the zombies. When he tries to reload, he drops to the floor. He is rolling across the floor. Cut to the living room. He stumbles to his feet. Cut to Jerry. He picks up the pistol and shoots one in the head. He goes into the living room. Cut to the living room. Jerry is helping Lee up.

JERRY

Come on, Lee. Still some fight to go. We’re gonna fight them off and- Lee?

Lee roars. He pushes him away. Jerry locks the door. He picks up his machine gun. He pulls the trigger. It is out. He picks up the pistol. He busts the door open. He accidentally puts the safety on. Lee collides into him. They both struggle. Jerry reaches out for the gun. He hits Lee with the butt of the gun. He gets up, and puts the safety off. He shoots Lee. He puts it down.

JERRY

I’m-so…sorry.

Suddenly, the door busts open. 2 more zombies go in. He shoots them both. He runs into the garden. Cut to the garden. He looks down at Harvey’s body and then Dean’s.

JERRY

That’s where you went.

He runs to the end of the garden. Cut to the street. A zombie approaches him, but he shoots it. He approaches a car. He puts the key in. He turns. More zombies are approaching him.

JERRY

Come on!

He eventually opens it. He shoots the zombies. Cut to inside the car. The song Death by White Lies plays. He starts it up. Cut to the windscreen. It is driving down the road. The car drives away. Cut to the inside of the car.

JERRY

I’ll…be…ok-

But then, he brakes. We go into darkness. The credits roll.

THE END


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Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:48 am
Renard wrote a review...



F@ck me. This is like the longest piece I have read on here ever. I haven't seen many scripts and I certainly didn't expect one from you. LOL
I know you think Media is a Mickey Mouse subject, but I can critique you in A* terms here, so brace yourself...

1. The dialogue is good. Could do with being made a bit more dramatic in places. Such as: 'That’s where you went.' Hmmm.... Doesn't exactly entice the viewer if you get my drift?
2. You 'cut' an awful lot in your script. Kind of funny actually. XD Anyway... no, you seem to have understand how you would move around from shot to shot and scene to scene and the ordering is good.

As for the content of the script as well, I think there are already plenty of this sort of film out there, so no marks for originality unfortunately, but I don't think that's what we're aiming for here.
I liked it overall... but I wouldn't expect an Oscar any time soon.

~Bloodink




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Sun Aug 28, 2011 5:49 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Oh I love zombie films! My first advice, before reading this though is to organise it like a script. The name of each speaker should be aligned on the left and followed by a colon which looks like this : It just makes it easier to follow and is good practice for the future as schools and agents expect scripts to be in standard formatting ^^

Specific Comments

Alright, first you get a quick lesson in grammar. You've used it's in a lot of places where it should have been its. Now normally, apostrophe s can be used in two ways, both for possession and as a conjunction. So it is becomes it's and the leg belonged to it becomes it's leg. Except that doesn't happen. It's leg is actually wrong as, to avoid confusion, the grammar experts decided it's should just be used to mean it is.


LEE

You didn’t know?! How- Ok. Let’s get this straight. You can remember only BEFORE the events?
Here Lee jumps to conclusions too quickly! The guy only said that he doesn't remember why he was on the bench, he hasn't said that he doesn't remember anything at all. Don't build on dialogue that isn't there.

LEE

Well, technically they're not zombies, but they very much act like them. This is how it all started. In 2011, Barack Obama announced that scientists would reanimate body parts that were either removed or forcefully taken off. It backfired. The things that they used contained a new type of super bug, some kind of bacteria. It didn’t do the trick, but it did have a deadly effect. It passed on through one of the scientists. They passed it onto Obama. Then to here in the cities in England. The only part that is safe is the countryside.
Noooo! Avoid long, boring monologue explanations wherever possible. This is an action script, by now there should be some more zombies on screen chasing after them. This guy can not just stand there and talk about bacteria and scientists. Also, maybe add some more stage directions so that we know how these people are saying their lines, how they look and what they're doing. A script without stage directions is very static.

I must say, I love how matter of fact they are and I love the movie knowledge and stuff. Films and books forget about that too often and have people screaming and being stupid. I like how your characters are handling the situation.

Jerry runs inside. Cut to outside. Jerry goes out of the house. Lee is shooting a zombie with a machine gun, Fred gives Jerry a gun, and Jerry starts shooting, Fred goes back to what he was doing which was hitting one of the zombies, Harvey picks up a pistol and shoots some zombies and Dean is having a fight with one of them. Cut to Dean. He kicks the zombie, and punches it repeatedly. When done, he spits on the body. Cut to Harvey. He fights off two zombies and shoots them both back to back. Cut to Jerry. He almost gets bitten, but shoots it up through it’s mouth. Cut to the zombie. Blood is all over it’s face. Cut to Lee. 3 zombies corner him. He shoots away until they both fall down. Individually, he kicks their heads in. Cut to Fred. He’s beating down on a zombie. He turns, and a zombie bites his neck. Cut to Jerry. He turns, and looks ahead.
This is a lot of action all in one big chunk! Is there no dialogue during this part? It would be pretty boring to watch on screen if there's not at least some screaming or someone crying out for help, or just little pieces. Remember that you with scripts, you need to intersperse the dialogue and the action so that you have a good level of each and there's always both sound and action.

Overall

Alright so you had some good action here but I didn't really get a chance to care for your characters or to hear their back-stories before they died. So if you were planning to re-write this, you might want to work that in more. But there was some good dialogue going on here, a few funny moments and some nice zombie destroying actions. All in all, not a bad attempt. Thanks for the read,

Heather xxx




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Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:39 am
Vapor wrote a review...



I'll be honest I'm not into zombie films, or games. The closest to zombie I get is I Am Legend, which this reminds me a lot of. :)

Anyway, I have a lot to point out, but overall I want to say it wasn't a bad script. I don't know too much about scripts, but I'm assuming they wouldn't include a lot of details. However, I feel like there should be some details especially when describing city scapes and the house and what not. But that's a minute opinion of mine that doesn't really matter. Anyway, here's what I found.

Ammo. And a lot of it. Luckily, the military failed to take them down, so we took some guns. See if there is more ammo, Fred. Particularly#FF0000 ">a machine gun.
Question:Where do they get ammo from? It seems like they just kinda get it from no where.

HARVEY
Ok, newbie, you got what it takes?

Cut to the outside. He is practising his shooting.

HARVEY
Fire!

Jerry shoots. Harvey laughs and claps.
Question: Harvey was randomly out praciticing shooting and Jerry just kinda goes out back with him? Or is it Jerry out practicing originally and Harvey just sort of yelling? What's he shooting at?

He almost gets bitten, but shoots it up through it’s mouth
This happens a lot. "It" refers to zombie in this case, but try to watch your pronouns some, because with such a fast moving script it's easy to mistake "it"s for something they aren't.

A zombie g#FF0000 ">ets in his way, but he shoots it and when it goes#FF0000 ">[color=#FF0000 ]falls instead of goes[/color] on the floor#0000FF ">[good spot to use a more descriptive word, to enhance imagery in the script] he shoots it in the head.
This a good spot to include some imagery. I mean, it's a script, so like I said before there shouldn't be too much detail, but little words of it wouldn't hurt at all.

Harvey turns and punches him. Lee holds him back.
Okay in this scene, did Harvey actually land his punch and Lee held him back before he did more damage? I got confused here.

He pushes him away into the wall. Lee storms #FF0000 ">out. Cut to the garden. Dean is putting soil onto the ground. He looks down.
What's Dean putting soil on the ground for? I'm assuming it's for the death of his friend, but I wasn't sure...

Another one comes, but he punches it#0000FF ">the zombie and shoots it while #FF0000 ">it'son the ground.


He goes back to sleep. We fade out. Fade in to the street. We cut to several empty parts.
Empty parts of the city/town? Or the forest? That little sentence is slightly confusing.

I think it's a pretty good script. I mean, it is three years old so I know you've probably come a long way from this. It's very fast movingy; one second Jerry is completely and unexplainably unconcious, the next he's killing the last of his living friends. Who'd have thought? :)




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Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:50 am
MasterGrieves says...



Don't worry- it's posted now




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Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:47 am
TAZmania says...



Ummm...mind you but...I don't see anything here. I just tried to post a photgraph and all my points just went up in smokes!!! Holy! What script again???





"For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein