This was amazing I loves this so much it was amazing
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"Oh, Jenny! The way you lay in my bed!
With all of those dirty thought, inside your head!
Tell me more! Oh please, tell me so much more!"-
"Before you ask me, no I am no whore."
-"But you have the look, you have the figure,
You have a passion that fuels fire quicker!
And your lips; they drive me out of the door!"
"Yeah, well no need for that. I am no whore."
-"I think you are worth, more money than me!
Your agency is great, so lovely to see.
You've grown up fast, and done it without law!"
"Do you listen to me? I am no whore."
-"Remember underneath the iron bridge?
Where you gave that man a longlasting kiss?
I want you to do it, all over this door."
"Hah, don't mock me you fool. I am no whore."
-"Just like the old days, just like the bright eyes,
that seem to glimmer, fade into the skies.
You don't mind do you, to bring love galore?"
"Well I could, but I won't. I am no whore."
-"You could do me all night; twice, maybe thrice!
Please say you serve the same customer twice!"
"Dear boy, you're scared- there's something you've ignored:
I have morals and rights- I am no whore."
Oh my gods I didnt even realize this was you until a clicked on it and I read Mikko's response and i was wondering "husband?" Getting back on subject, I am probably to young to read this... ( naughty child) but i really can't say much about it. It's a good poem and all, but im not one for poem like this. Dont get me wrong it is an exellent poem. Keep writing,AJ! ( why did you get rid of that hot guy?! i liked that picture!)
Oh my goodness, husband, I like this. like, a lot. I like the rhyme and... how light is sounds eventhough it's quite a heavy subject. I believe this "light" effect is achieved brilliantly with the male character whom you've managed to potray as a slightly comical sex-freak. Well, not really a freak but this is clearly harassement. xD
I like your female character's response. Yeah, I know, you must see me as some feminist "preacher" or whatnot but I'm a girl, and I truly apeciate women who have the strength to stand up to men who want to ... you know...
There's just one tiny thing I thought you should touch up on:
"Oh, Jenny! The way you lay in my bed!
With all of those dirty thought, inside your head!
Tell me more! Oh please, tell me so much more!"-
"Before you ask me, no I am no whore."
Points: 343
Reviews: 10
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