Hey Adam! I'm back for more, and I just realised it was this song I said I'd review, not the other one right? Oh well, now you've got two from me xD
Okay onwards and upwards with the review, I prefer this much more to the other lyrics I just reviewed as I really thought this had more of a meaning and message behind it. Not only that, but something quite relatable in today's world, obviously there's always been soliders about, but the media tends not to focus on it sometimes. Songs about war and pride are really cool in that sense.
Well I'll take one more chance
I'm drowning in slow dance
In sequence, secrets raw
I know about your whore
Two things I didn't really like about this park, firstly, if you read it aloud it doesn't exactly flow well. So it might be hard to come up with a melody (unless you've come up with one already) and the rhyming is a bit forced. I mentioned this last time, but seriously don't feel forced to rhyme anything with anything. I mean is the 'slow-dance' thing and actual reference to something (if so, that's fine), or was is there just to rhyme?
Also, I kind of agree with another reviewer in saying I didn't really like the chorus. I mean can you imagine that being sung, that'd get quite boring. Although.... it would be quite easy to sing along to . Anyways, I suppose it's all about what genre you were going for with this, if you wanted it to be more punk-y then this is fine- but if you wanted it more smithsy it's a bit basic at the moment.
My overall view of this is that it's a really cool song and one of the best I've seen from you. What I like most about this is the message of it. My suggestions are don't feel too forced to rhyme things, and maybe spruce up the chorus a bit? *cue jazz hands*. I hope this review helped, please PM me if you have any questions or would like another review.
Keep on lyricing!
-Arc
Points: 27927
Reviews: 532
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