Young Writers Society

Hello friend

I guess that i'll be reviewing your poem now, I hope I do it justice.

I enjoyed it quite a bit, even though the topic is clishe doesnt mean nothing new ( or beter ) can be said, and this poem prooves that. I love the phrasing in this poem, it has a certain flow to it that I really appreciate.

Now for the things i don't like/understand about your poem.

I don't understand the rhyme, it's here, and then it's not. Was that intentional? That put me off a little bit.
Also, some more vivid imagery would enhance it tenfold in my opinion. He fears the darkness, this is true, but to him it's not jut the absence of light. It is his tormentor, people tend to personify their fears. ( mine looked like a naked humanoid creature that breathed into my ear when i closed my eyes )
The lines
"You remember when you looked into the night,
All you saw was the pleasant moonlight"
lead me to believe that there was a time when he did not fear the dark, but i'm having trouble understanding them because people usually have this fear as children, and grow out of it as they grow up. ( By that i mean they stop wondering about the misteries of the unknown and cluter their minds with the fear of new foes, like taxes ) So i begin to question if something happened to turn "the pleasant moonlight" evil?

All in all I really enjoyed the poem, and found it easy to relate to, to an extent. Keep up the good work MagicAce. I would love to see more of your work.

A review by Siri.

Sorry, i posted a comment by accident and now i can't delete it

Hey MagicAce!
Welcome to YWS. Hope you've been enjoying it!

This is a very nice poem, and I love the ideas behind it, but it could just use a bit of polishing. Great start though!

First of all, you have a field full of commas! Commas are great, and I personally put too little punctuation in my poetry, but you may want to tone it down a bit. Try reading this out loud and pausing every time you hit a comma. Does it make sense to pause there? If not, then maybe you might want to take it out. Or maybe something else belongs there- like a hyphen, period, or semicolon.

You look to the stars up high so bright,

You linger deep in the moon at night,

With a toss and a turn,

Your body at rest but your eyes still weighed open with fear,

Hoping that when night falls again,

Someone with no fear will hold you tight,

As night falls again,

You remember when you looked into the night,

All you saw was the pleasant moonlight,

But now when you look into the night,

Allover the dark and deepening sky,

Hey there, Kitty here!

I enjoyed reading this poem and I thought it was very relatable. The last few lines were beautiful and I thought they were really great. I also liked lines 4 through 6, I think these are the most relatable to myself. There was a lot of feeling in this poem and I can tell it was created with a lot of passion and imagination.

The only thing I have to say about it is that the beginning of each stanza is capitalized, except for line 10. I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not, it seemed like it might be but you never know.

Another thing that I liked about this poem was how you spoke about first seeing a pleasant moonlight, but now a dark death. I thought it was a creative perspective of the events playing out in the poem. I also liked the repetition of the last few lines when you restated "How you wish", I thought this conveyed the emotion.

Wonderful job! I truly enjoy this poem and I thought that it was very beautiful, as well as touching and thought provoking. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Best of wishes,
Your friend, Kat Kimberly

PS HAVE NOT WRITTEN POETRY FOR A WHILE SO I MIGHT BE A BIT BAD AT IT!!
SORRY >< >< >< >< :I :I :I :I