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​a poem about hope and giving it to others

by Magebird


sometimes you feel like you’re stumbling
through the darkness
so you go running towards the sunset
with an endless stream of torches in your hands.

you run over plains and through forests.
you trod past a herd of horses you could never tame
and watch as cows shepherd their young
to a green patch of grass.

and sometimes you’re so busy looking down at the ground
that you can’t see you’re walking right into a tree
but your feet guide you when your mind can’t.
they let you place torch after torch
on the newly made path through the wilderness.

then you hit the water.

and you keep trying to place your torches
so others can find their way
but the water keeps knocking them out of your hands
and scattering the sticks into the cold sea around you.

you can’t stand back up.

your feet can’t climb the sandy slopes
like they could maneuver across
endless plains.

even if the torches are never-ending,
sometimes you just can’t place another.

so you climb out of the water.
you fly up into the sky, ready to see the mess
that you know you’ve made across the landscape.

but there is no mess.

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/556539928532746241/795723087428583434/Screenshot_179.png?width=680&height=425

you’re greeted by a trail of a thousand fallen stars
stretching out into the darkness
as they try to reach the distant horizon
and join their kin
in the night sky above.

they twinkle and shine and remind you
that you’ve made something out of your despair.
that your hope isn’t just forever running with no end in sight.

it’s placing torch after torch
so others don’t have to stumble through the darkness.
it’s looking back on your trail
and reminding yourself that you’ve made it this far.

you can’t pass the river, but your feet will guide you
to sturdy hills made of stone and dirt.
you will place more torches and light more stars.

and when you look back towards the horizon
after you finally run out of torches,
you’ll realize that your stars
are leading you right towards the sunrise.


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Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:03 pm
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EthanWrites wrote a review...



Whilst I am sending this as a review. I can't really find anything to improve at my stage of writing. As a reader however, I have never felt like this towards Minecraft of all things and think this is beautiful. It has a deep message that really touches the heart and makes you feel something. Even if it is based on Minecraft it really doesn't have to be (although having that many torches is stupid and probably a fire hazard in real life). Overall, it is just a touching poem that people can relate to even if not physically but mentally. The emotion is evident and your vocab and style really makes it pop-out. ANYWAY, that's about it from me, this was great and I hope you keep making things like it. (I would put a heart but I don't know how to yet).




Magebird says...


Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed my poem. I usually don't feel this way towards Minecraft, either, but there was just something about seeing those torches and the sunrise in the game that made me feel really at peace.



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Tue Jan 05, 2021 12:07 am
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LordMomo says...



I love this.




Magebird says...


Thanks! :)



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Mon Jan 04, 2021 11:15 pm
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ChesTacos wrote a review...



I have never felt this emotional about Minecraft I-
Props to you. This almost made me tear up, wow, just wow, I don't know what to say.
OK um...critique...see how good I am at my job? This is too good. I'm sorry lol. OK, OK, wait I'll find something...eventually. OK, OK I re-read it again. This is nitpicking and you probably did this on purpose and this probably doesn't even count and you can just completely ignore it but I think in some places there are unnecessary periods like here:

that your hope isn’t just forever running with no end in sight.


and here:

and reminding yourself that you’ve made it this far.


and here:

in the night sky above.


and here:

you will place more torches and light more stars.


and finally here:

so you climb out of the water.


So that's it for the periods I could find, while I was looking for these periods I found this and I think you can remove the period here since it's not connected to the last sentence.

and sometimes you’re so busy looking down at the ground


Same here.

and you keep trying to place your torches


OK so yeah that's everything I could find. Really small stuff. Overall great poem!!! Very emotional and well written!!! Keep up the good work!!!




Magebird says...


Thank you so much for your review! I know you didn't feel too confident about it, but it was really helpful. <3 <3

The periods weren't entirely on purpose - I just used them because it made sense to end a sentence there. But it wasn't something that I absolutely needed/wanted, so I'll definitely try removing those periods in revisions!

(Also, if you're ever struggling to come up with critiques, you can always talk about what you really enjoyed in a work - and why you enjoyed it. I've been in similar situations where all I can come up with is grammatical things, and talking about my reasons for liking what I enjoyed really helped me come up a review I felt proud of afterwards. :))



ChesTacos says...


OK I'll keep that in mind for future reviews!!! Thank you!!!



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Mon Jan 04, 2021 10:03 pm
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yumi wrote a review...



Wow! Literally, WOW!
This poem literally made me tear up, and feel that strangling heat in my chest, as if a balloon inside me were suddenly filled with air. The tingling in my feet could either be a signification of an over-long stint in my wheelchair, or else my assenting to heaven...
My only complaint is that, after capturing the full power of my imagination to rapturously imagine the vivid contents of your imagination, you dawned an imps motley and nearly goofed the whole effect by posting that picture, which could only be dwarfed by the conjuring's of my brain.
This, to me, is a moving and motivationally superior miracle-if nothing else, you have made my whole day.




Magebird says...


Thank you for your review! I'm glad that this poem made you feel the way that you did. Now that I'm looking back on the poem, I can see what you mean about the image. When I wrote this poem, the scene that I saw in the game really felt like something incredibly beautiful. I think it lost something after the moment, but I wanted to capture that moment with a picture as well as words.



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Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:14 pm
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whatchamacallit says...






Magebird says...


<3



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Mon Jan 04, 2021 6:49 pm
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Liebensteiner says...



Ah this is beautiful <3




Magebird says...


Thank you so much! :)




My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew