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E - Everyone

ORWEO (Working Title) 1.2

by Tuckster


A/N: Previously, Skylar, Issac, Darien, and Kiersten infiltrated a government building with the goal of seizing some important files. They've split up, and Skylar and Darien were just caught by a security guard in the middle of a hallway. Enjoy!

Skylar froze, holding her hands up and staying perfectly still. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see Darien taking the hint and barreling straight at their assailant, but the guard spun around and knocked Darien to the floor with one punch. Darien landed flat on his back, his baton flying out of his hand and skidding across the floor. Skylar sprinted straight for the guard, ducking her head down and attempting to ram straight into his ample stomach, but he saw her coming just in time and hit her across the face with her gun.

After that blow, the guard seized the opportunity and tackled Skylar to the ground'. The fall knocked the wind out of Skylar, and she felt blood trickle down her cheek from a cut right below her eye. She was in a position of complete helplessness, and now she could only hope that Darien had managed to get to his baton or draw his gun in the commotion.

Twisting around, she saw Darien frozen in the middle of the hallway, his baton halfway across the floor and his hands up in a gesture of surrender, His eyes flickered down to meet Skylar's, and she saw desperation in his watery blue eyes. He shook his head gently, and Skylar's heart dropped. There was nothing they could do.

"Hands behind your head! Drop your weapons! On your stomach!" the guard bellowed at Darien, and Darien obeyed, moving as slowly as he could to buy them both time. The guard tapped Skylar on the back of the head with his baton. "You, too."

Skylar couldn't help but roll her eyes as she maneuevered onto her stomach, letting her face lie against the cool tile floor. This is the end. She closed her eyes as the guard removed his handcuffs from his belt and clasped them around Skylar's wrists.

Moments after he had started to fit them on Skylar, the stairwell door flew open and Issac and Kiersten stormed in. The guard whipped around, surprise written all over his face, and Kiersten swung her baton at him, and Skylar heard a crack as it connected with his head. Issac offered her a hand up, and Skylar accepted it and let him pull her to her feet. "Thanks for that," she whispered to him, and Issac just nodded. Issac grabbed the lockpicks from her pocket and handed them to Skylar, and Skylar thanked him with a nod and a grin. She was able to pop the handcuffs off after a moment and handed them to Kiersten. "Think we'll need these?" she asked.

Kiersten shrugged. "Can't hurt. Let's go."

The four of them made their way down the stairwell, spreading to either side of the steps and making their way up the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible, all of their hands shifting from their batons to their guns. They climbed 3 flights of stairs until they reached the 8th floor and then flanked the door, splitting up like they usually did.

"Wings 1, 2, 3, and 4 are at the top of the staircase. Awaiting directions," Skylar whispered into her com device as the rest of the wings caught up to her. They paused for a moment to catch their breath and wait for headquarter's response.

After only a moment, there was a short crackle and then "There are 4 people standing directly outside this stairwell. You're approved to incapacitate them. There are no security personnel in the nearby area. Wait for further instruction once that's completed."

"Copy that." Skylar adjusted her helmet and turned to look at the rest of her group. "Ready?" They all nodded, and Skylar mentally counted to three and then kicked the door open and baged into the hallway with her gun drawn.

A group of four men and women in business outfits jumped and stared at the door, but weren't fast enough to stop the four powerful blaster shots that ripped through their chests. The squad pressed their back against the wall, with Issac closest to the hallway perpendicular to the hall they were in at the moment. "First obstacle breached. Waiting for further instruction."

They waited for a few moments, the suspense building every second, and then finally the response came. "All clear. Proceed to the final destination, but keep a sharp lookout."

"Copy that." Skylar nodded to the three others intentionally, and the three of them sprinted down the hallway, took the first left, and barreled down the hallway until they reached a thick black door labelled "Classified Files".

Skylar immediately set to work picking the lock while the other three kept a sharp look-out, their guns drawn. As soon as the pins were all aligned, Skylar gently tested the handle, and the door swung outward, the four of them quickly stepped inside and then closed and bolted the door.

"Wings 1, 2, 3 and 4 are inside the designated location. Beginning the second part of mission," Darien reported, and Skylar couldn't help but grin.

"Excellent work, team. Work quickly; there are a few security guards making their way towards you."

"Copy that," Darien replied, and the four of them paused to survey their surroundings. They were in a room that was perhaps 30 feet by 40 feet, with shelves lined with folders filled with paperwork. Each of them immediately flocked to a corner; Darien and Kiersten began to navigate the back half of the room, while Skylar and Issac worked their way through the shelves on the front of the room. The shelves were metal and had gaps between the bars, so it was easy for them to keep a lookout while they browsed through the files.

For a few minutes, it was silent as they hunted through the folders, combing through every paper as methodically as possible. The four of them worked quickly and efficiently, but after a few minutes, Issac slammed his folder shut in frustration.

"We're not getting anywhere. It could be anywhere in here, and we might spend all day here. Any second now, the security personnel are going to burst in here, and then we're all going to be screwed."

Kiersten walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Listen to me. Whatever happens, we're going to handle it. You hear me? So pick up your head, shake it off, and keep fighting. We're going to push through this."

Issac nodded and picked up his folder, gently shaking his head. Kiersten moved back to her little corner of the room, and everyone else returned to their work, the mood greatly solemned.

"Any progress?" HQ asked, and Darien replied immediately.

"Nothing. We've been moving at a solid pace for almost 10 minutes now and have no idea what we're going to find. You got anything?"

"Based on the order we've deduced, I think that it'll be somewhere in the center of the room, closest to the door. Try there, and if there's nothing, return to your original posts."

The four immediately shifted over to the center of the room, where they eagerly flipped through pages of the files until Kiersten slammed the file on the floor. "Got it!"

Skylar, Darien, and Issac immediately dropped what they were working on and moved to look over Kiersten's shoulder. The document she was holding contained the full and complete budget, which might not seem like the type of information that was worth killing for, but Skylar was convinced that it would change the world.

"We got it. Let's go," Kiersten whispered to the three of them


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75 Reviews


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Tue Feb 19, 2019 10:14 pm
Honora wrote a review...



I'm back again!
"but he saw her coming just in time and hit her across the face with her gun." this sentence confused me a little because before this, you mentioned nothing about her gun being out so how did he get it? I'm not sure if this is just me but I thought that I'd point it out.
One thing that I found a bit hard to follow was how many times you would use the word 'and' in each sentence. Try to find alternative words or make shorter sentence or it just gets to be too much. Also, are these guys part of the government or are they something else? I know you said something about the military but maybe make that a little more clear.
Again, it was very impersonal to Skylar, who I assume is the main character.
Overall, I enjoyed it and will definitely be reading 1.3! You'll probably see me there! :)




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Mon Feb 18, 2019 9:29 am
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi Tuck! Back again! First, just a comment about your author's note:

Previously, Skylar, Issac, Darien, and Kiersten infiltrated a government building with the goal of seizing some important files.


Did we know that they were after files? I can't remember being told anything about what they were searching for in the previous chapter, so this confused me a bit.

Small Comments

She was in a position of complete helplessness


This is a bit tell-y. I feel like her helplessness should be obvious without being overtly stated.

Also, why did Skylar and Darien take it in turns to run at this assailant guy? They'd have surely had a much better chance of overwhelming him if they'd both lunged at him at the same time. He can't focus on both of them.

Skylar couldn't help but roll her eyes as she maneuevered onto her stomach, letting her face lie against the cool tile floor. This is the end.


Mind your tenses.

Kiersten swung her baton at him, and Skylar heard a crack as it connected with his head.


Are they intending to kill the guy? Because this would definitely kill the guy.

A group of four men and women in business outfits jumped and stared at the door, but weren't fast enough to stop the four powerful blaster shots that ripped through their chests.


Oh, okay. I guess they definitely have no qualms about killing people. :P

The document she was holding contained the full and complete budget, which might not seem like the type of information that was worth killing for, but Skylar was convinced that it would change the world.


Again, too tell-y. You shouldn't really have to explain why what your characters are doing is important. And the 'convinced it would change the world' part is too on the nose.

Overall Thoughts

I think this chapter is more exciting than the previous one. It seemed like the squad's actions were more varied and we had a slightly better sense of what they were aiming and searching for. Your writing continues to be clear and easy to follow, though I still think that you could do with more sensory description. I don't really have a great picture of what this place sounds and smells or even looks like. I also think your characters are coming across too much like a unit. We're probably about 2k words into the story, but I'm not picking up any individual personalities or motives. That's probably because the scene requires them to work as a cohesive team, so there's not much scope for individuality. You could've shown more of their characters at the end of the chapter, though, when they're searching for the files and starting to argue a bit.

This part of the chapter makes me even more convinced that you're starting the story too late. Not only are these characters breaking into a facility - they're killing people. I'm guessing that you want me to sympathise with these characters and their cause, but seeing them murder people right off the bat doesn't exactly endear them to me. That's why I think you need to build up to this a bit more, so that I have some sense of the weight of the task and why it's important. Or, at the very least, you could allude to the gravity of what they're doing a bit more. Have Skylar almost hesitate before she pulls the trigger, then remember something that pushes her forward. Weave in a bit of mystery, a few references to Skylar's life and why she's motivated to do something so terrible. It's very blasé at the moment.

On balance, though, I still think this story should start earlier. The characters feel stifled and the motivations unclear, making it very difficult to sympathise with what they're doing. Still, I am glad to see that they've achieved their goals and got the files. I'm interested to find out why this budget is so important, and why it matters to Skylar personally.

That's all for this one! I'll review the next bit when I can! :

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:13 am
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neptune wrote a review...



Tuck! <3

Back for the next chapter! I'll go through my nitpicks and then break down my overall thoughts at the end! Let's get into the review.

He shook his head gently, and Skylar's heart dropped. There was nothing they could do.

Maybe this is just me, but I'm a little confused about why Darien couldn't do anything? There could be a chance that the guard was keeping his eye on Darien, though there's also chance that Darien could have grabbed his gun/baton? I think there may just need to be some patching up here, maybe clearing up the small plot hole about that.
The guard whipped around, surprise written all over his face, and Kiersten swung her baton at him, and Skylar heard a crack as it connected with his head.

I feel like connected isn't the right word here? For me, at least, it's just hard to imagine a baton connecting with a head. I think of a baton as making contact with something.
They all nodded, and Skylar mentally counted to three and then kicked the door open and baged into the hallway with her gun drawn.

I think you meant to say "barged" here!
"Classified Files".

I thought this was funny considering all of the classified stuff going around the site haha.

Anyway, some overall comments/thoughts:
What happens to Darien in the scene where Kiersten and Isaac come in to rescue them? He feels a little lost in all of the action and frankly, I almost forgot about him until he was finally mentioned. It makes me a little curious as to what he was doing while the other three were busy. Nothing big needs to be said about him but maybe just a little acknowledgment of him might be nice! :)

The way this was written had me on the edge of my seat the entire chapter! The intensity kept building up and I couldn't stop reading. We've uncovered a little more about the mission and the characters as well.

Speaking of the characters, they've got quite interesting personalities. Though their characters are still new to me, I've definitely grown so much closer to them. Isaac's character is especially intriguing—when he almost gave up towards the end, I was really shocked! It seemed like all of them were really prepared for this mission but to see some sort of flaw in one of them made this much more real. Also Kiersten's kind words <3

I can't wait to read more! See you next chapter ;)




Tuckster says...


Thanks so much for the review neptune! Your nitpicks are definitely helpful in helping me work out some of the more detail-oriented stuff, and I did completely forget about Darien in that scene xD. I'll make sure to take all of your points into consideration when I edit. Thanks again!




If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems