Young Writers Society

Howdy hey! I’m here to leave a review.

I assume this poem must be about someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with their parents. Their parents set very high standards (“I have straight a’s / I don’t smoke or do drugs; not like the others”) and yet their child still isn’t meeting these standards. The child is trying to fight back against these high standards, but in the end they just give up.

I personally have a good relationship with my parents, but this really put things into a perspective for someone who’s never experienced things mentioned in the poem. I really love the emotion put into this. I think the formatting actually worked well here.

I really hope you recover from what you’re going through!

—GengarIsBestBoy

Wow, this. I felt this. I think especially after my parents divorce it's been hard to have a good conversation with my dad. And BOY did you capture this feeling.
So I guess first I'll say, I love the structure, it goes from the starting feelings beginning to grow, to the outburst that led to this argument. I think the flow adds to the raw emotion. When you transition from sort of a sad feeling to complete anger I think you said it p e r f e c t l y

''i'm not responding anymore

my train of thought;

i don't know where it went

i think it crashed.''

Heyo! PapaSupremacy here for a review!
This poem was AWESOME. I don't have the best relationship with my father, so this poem hit home for me. It seems like a lot of fathers say lots of the same things lol.
Anyway, here are some glows:
I like the stanza set-up you have! It seems like isolated events that keep building and building until it finally bubbles over. The poem is filled with attempted good contacts with your father until the last line:
"I cannot let you hear"
That line basically says "alright Dad, I give up. You wanted me to leave, I'll leave." I like the execution of your story and how it led to that point.
I like the second to last stanza as well, the one where you felt safe and he ripped it away. Thats very symbolic and telling and I loved that!
The simple lines also portray this story well. Its not complex what you're feeling, its just three-five word lines of pain and sorrow.
I don't have any grows for ya I liked this a lot! Thanks so much for writing this and I can't wait to read more from you!

I didn't think the formatting was weird at all! Actually, I thought it flowed really well.

This poem really spoke to me, especially the lines about not letting him hear you cry. Unfortunately, that is something that I have some experience with. I also loved that you mentioned the hypocrisy that most fights like this have, as I think that that's a very important detail.

Overall, this was a gorgeous and well-written poem, and an amazingly raw depiction of anger mixed with sadness. Thank you so much for sharing!

i know the formatting weird and there's like no rhythm whatsoever it was more of a brain barf so eh.