Young Writers Society

Hey Lupa22, it's lily here for a review.
Good poem,I really liked the first stanza and the way you described fairs.Your poem is so relatable. All most every child has such longing.But I think your poem could add a little more description that kinda forces the reader to go back to those days of fairs.But personally I don't really like the format of the poem.It looked more like a conversation between two people. I'd suggest to you just write them as stanza's one upon another.

"
but i saw you outside the gate,
called for you to come
and you shook your head, said--"
In the line 3rd line,last stanza
I think you could rewrite this line as "you shook your head and said...." or "but you shook your head and said...."

That's upto you though.

Anyways....Like your poem..Keep posting.


-Lily^_^

Hey Lupa22! I'm here to review your lovely poem.

I really love the first stanza and the beginning to the poem. I'm like the Queen of Nostalgia haha so yes I love that stanza. I'm a little confused to why some of the stanzas are on the right and some are on the left. At first I thought it was like two people talking but apparently not. I think I would also prefer more imagery. A fair is such a colorful, imaginative thing and it doesn't really come off as that in the poem. Give a little bit more to really show the power of your metaphor.

sorry for the short review
marmalade