Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
Hey LordStar!Elinor here to give you a quick review. I don't think I've looked at any of your poetry yet, but I always enjoy reading your work. I think the strongest thing about this piece is the emotion that it conveys. The imagery is raw and real and I definitely feel like this poem makes me feel everything you did when you were writing it. However, I will echo Pan's comments and say that I tend to get a little bit lost in the imagery, and as a result lose sight of the emotion. Poetry, by nature, is more visceral than prose. In my opinion the main purpose of it should be to evoke a feeling.The feeling I got from your work is that there is more to you than most people will see. That's a pretty universal feeling that I think a lot of people will connect with, and as such I'd try to frame your revisions with that in mind.Best of luck, and keep writing! Feel free to let me know if you have any questions. Elinor
Hiya, LordStar. Poetry isn't my usual haunt, but I thought I'd drop in for a quick critique even so.The best thing about this poem is the imagery. There are some startling, haunting moments in this piece, but the overall meaning remains clear too. Every poem needs a fine balance between mystery and clarity - I always think that the meaning should be visible as if through frosted glass - and for the most part you capture the balance fairly well. There are some areas where you get a little lost in the imagery, though, such as here:
A still frame of how I came to be,you ask, a simple wrapped-up giftneat and simple and lacking complication?
I like this poem because I can feel the emotions and the choice of words helps that, I like the morbidity of some descriptions. This work is really intriguing to me and really fascinating to read. Great poem
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