Young Writers Society

This is an incredibly sweet poem. I can't get over how great that last stanza is,

Sharing sweaters and swapping eyelash wishes,
armed with sharpies and good intentions,
spelling out our resolutions
on concrete walls
and on each other's souls.

-> the phrasing is so smart, and the imagery evokes a lot of emotion and connections for me. Like I don't know what "eyelash wishes" would even be, but you picture the speaker/partner getting close enough to brush eye-lashes, without you as the writer having to spell it out. Really clever imagery, that builds an entire scene and lets the reader fill in the details.

Some little comments/critiques here and there:

stanza 1: "new years" I think normally has an apostrophe, unless it's for plural years - which would be an interesting subtle grammar move. The part I felt was a bit clunky was the repetition of "that" in line 4 - it makes sense, but is a bit awkward to read. The rest of the poem had pretty good flow I thought and your sound devices here and there helped with that.

Also stanzas 2: two issues: I thought "dripping like hard candy" was a bit of an odd visual mix -> since hard candy doesn't drip I don't think? And you repeat "sweet" twice - could change up one for more word economy.

stanza 3: I liked mixed contrasting imagery starting with fireworks and languidly dancing - because it's both exciting and restful, which can encapsulate a lot of emotions people go through with spending time with their loved one. The "friction/friction" I thought was a bit too "on the nose," but it does follow the contrasting imagery thing followed with "smooth/soft".

stanza 4: had the potential to become cliche - with the star/hand holding imagery - but you take it into a more personal/intimate/unique encounter with the lipstick line. I love that twist, and I think it really makes the stanza work, and also makes it kind of fun.

stanza 5: is definitely my favorite, really incredible imagery pairings there. I'm a little conflicted with the last line "on each other's souls" - feels a bit dramatic, like the build-up sort of makes it work, to end in that, but it feels a little extreme to me. I don't dislike it, but did want to point out it reads a bit dramatically. I kept re-reading that last stanza when you posted it in Poem a Week, and was like, "this is good. gosh, that's a good stanza". Really well done!

And then capitalization, punctuation looked consistent, spelling looked fine - so no issues on that front.

Definitely a sweet reflection on a relationship, that gets these really great personal details in it that make the poetry and emotion come alive. I think a lot of people can relate to the story of a growing relationship, of putting a new year's resolution on a person, and of spending time with the people they love. Thanks for sharing your poetic talents Cloud!

Let me know if you had any questions about my review!

~alliyah