Something about the form of this poem just throws me off, especially the form of the first half. I don't know why it's disjointed other than just for the sake of being disjointed, because it interrupts the punch of some of your imagery and kills the momentum. You have some really startling imagery, but then there are these pauses when I don't want to pause. Its a short, snappy poem that also forces the reader to rest for no good reason. Something about the second stanza feels off to me (the one starting with Something beautiful...) I think it feels too abstract whereas the poem smacks the reader hard with this concrete imagery. "You're like a bone that has to break first in order to heal properly?" Uhh, if the bone doesn't break, I don't think it has to heal at all. Because it's not broken.Ultimately nice work on this poem, just needs some fine-tuning and I think you'll have a really nice creation. Keep it up.
Whoaaa. First let me say, I usually don’t like love poems at all, just the way they’re usually written annoys me but that’s just me haha xD BUT I LOVE THIS. I REALLY DO. Especially the lines “the wine in the mouth of an alcoholic universe” It’s just so beautiful and original and I feel like I’d get it tattooed on me hahaYou write amazingly and I love how you formatted this poem.I actually just wrote a “love” poem, but well, it’s dark and about someone who is abusive and calls it love and this is a perfect parallel and what i was trying to explain in part of mine.Once again, this is BEAUTIFULLY done and I look forward to reading more from you.
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