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Snickers

by Liberty500, 26Gemini


I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

I bite into my Snickers,
tasting nothing bitter.

While I look at its neatness,
I savor its sweetness.

The last bite is here!
I don't want it to be near!

My sister asks some from me.
Sadly she thinks I'll agree.

I just wish she'd go away,
from my chocolate and play.

I gobble up the rest of the Snickers.
And again, I taste nothing bitter.

Image result for snickers bar


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624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

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Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:54 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Liberty, this is Casanova here with a final review of your portfolio! Let's get to it.

Well, honestly I didn't know what exactly what I was going to review in this, but I guess I'll have to take a crack at it.

So, this is entirely about eating a snickers. I do find it refreshing that someone could find so much detail and life in just this simple act. When I eat something- it's literally just because I'm hungry. Not for any special reason, there's just a rumbling in my stomach, so I'll have to give you props for that. Anyway, onward.

The most humorous part about this is literally when the sister asks for some and you say,"Sadly she thinks I'll agree". That I found to be the best part of it, honestly. It's humorous, and I can see it actually happening.

Now, really the only thing I don't like about this poem, is that...It's literally only about eating the snickers. Like, that's the only part of this. It's the best part of the situation, but also the only thing holding it back, if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway I liked this poem and I would like to see more like it.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Sincerely, Casanova




Liberty500 says...


To be honest, the part where you said: It's the best part of the situation, but also the only thing holding it back, if that makes any sense at all.

That doesn't make sense. It's the best part, but then it's holding it back...? I don't get it.

Also, I wrote this poem so that my father could know that I actually do mindful eating. He wants everyone to do mindful eating and I thought I'd do a poem about it! (I know, I do a poem based on whatever comes to my mind. Mindful eating, not being able to write a poem, dreams, etc.) Anyways, thanks again for the review! :D



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114 Reviews


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Reviews: 114

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Tue May 28, 2019 4:09 pm
xJade wrote a review...



Wesh! JadeLotus here to review a poem. Let's just get to it.

I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

I bite into my Snickers,
tasting nothing bitter.

The flow is a tad off and the syllable count could be perfected. Though, this is a really relatable poem already XD.

While I look at its neatness,
I savor its sweetness.

The last bite is here!
I don't want it to be near!

Maybe change "I don't want it to be near" to "I wish it's not near" or something with 5 syllables.

My sister asks some from me.
Sadly she thinks I'll agree.

I just wish she'd go away,
from my chocolate and play.

The flow is kind of evened out and let's be honest, that's funny!!

I gobble up the rest of the Snickers.
And again, I taste nothing bitter.

A good end to it. Overall, I give this a 7-10. More lighthearted than I expected but that's good! have a great day and I hope this helped.

-Professor JadeLotus-
Image result for snickers bar




Liberty500 says...


Thanks for the review! I'll do some fixing up soon.



xJade says...


I got my 3rd star



Liberty500 says...


Yay! Congratulations!!



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Thu May 02, 2019 1:47 am
averyismediocre wrote a review...



Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem for today! I love how light-hearted this is. The tone is fun. I also really love your slant rhymes at the beginning with snickers/bitter and chocolate/solid. My only qualm is that there were a few slight grammar mistakes, however, they were so small it doesn't even matter. Also, I really like how you included a picture of the snickers bar at the end. It really gave your poem that special touch. Overall, I enjoyed this a lot and can't wait to see more of your fun and silly poems!



-Avery <3




Liberty500 says...


Aww, thanks! <3



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Wed May 01, 2019 9:17 pm
Leviari wrote a review...



Hello! Just a short review for you:

This poem is fresh and light. It made me crack a smile, it's fun without it being childish. I like that you decided to state for two times that you don't taste nothing bitter. It made me stop to think about how we often forget to appreciate the small sweet things of life.
With this poem you shared positivity and it was an entertaining read.




Liberty500 says...


Thank you! <3



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Wed May 01, 2019 4:35 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



Hello Liberty!!

Nummy! Love it, lol.

This is a very creative poem. It makes me wanna eat a snickers now. I love how you used imagery in this. And the details are great! Specialy for a short poem. There is a few grammar mistakes, and one of the lines about sister doesn't make quite sense... But either than that its good.

Keep up the good work!

Have a nice day!

Sincerly Anma




Liberty500 says...


Thanks for the review! The 'sister' stanza is like her asking me if she can have the rest of the Snickers, cuz so little is left.



Anma says...


Oh, okay that makes more sense.



Liberty500 says...


Lol



Liberty500 says...


Tell me how it is now.




"Honey."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi