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Unlucky 13 - Chapter 2

by Liberty


"The Vikings settled in Greenland, starting around 986 AD. Eric the Red and his son Leif, explored further west. For a short time, they established a temporary settlement on New Foundland. They were not able to subdue the Native Americans and the Vikings were soon forced to abandon the settlement in New Foundland." Mr Hiking said in his deadly boring voice.

He was as ancient as this very school. He was around his late 90's so he probably had this entire lecture memorized. Note the sarcasm. He still looked old though.

I felt someone poke me behind my back. I ignored it the first time because it woke me up from almost falling asleep; basically saved my life there! It happened again. I still ignored it. But when it happened the fourth time I looked back.

Duncan.

"What do you want?" I hissed. He shrugged and continued writing notes. He pretended to. I looked back at Mr Hiking.

Another poke.

"What!?" I growled. He smirked and ran his fingers through his blonde gelled hair. I wish I could punch that smirk off his face and pull out every strand of his stupid hair. And that I would do slowly, so he could suffer the pain.

I rolled my eyes, knowing this would continue forever. Thank goodness he wasn't in any of my other classes… I hope. I don’t know his schedule. I scooched my chair forward and it made a very high-pitched squeaky noise. I squeezed my eyes shut. Although Mr Hiking was so old, he had the hearing of a... Very healthy young person with wonderful hearing.

He looked at me. I looked back at him with shame. He had noticed me, and I was feeling horrible about it. He was going to kill me! He’s strict. Even about running down the halls. I was running, once in grade seven, down the hall and he caught me. He told me to never do it again. He said that a good lesson for me would be a two days suspension. He made the principal give me suspension. I was shocked she agreed. She wasn’t that strict! And anyways, I was running for a good reason. Maddie had been hurting my feelings and I wanted to spill out my tears somewhere private. The bathroom. Maddie deserved that suspension, not me.

Ever since then, Mr Hiking, teacher of grade eight history class, has hated me.

"Ms Portman," he started walking towards me. "Might there be a problem?" He looked at me as if he was staring through my soul.

I nodded. Then shook my head. Then nodded again. Then changed my mind and shook my head. He glared at me. "What is it!?" he yelled.

I flinched.

"N-nothing at all, Mr Hiccups, I mean, Hiking..." I trailed of, expecting the worst.

"Principal's office." he ordered, "NOW!"

He pointed to the direction of the door and looked at me while I packed up my belongings. Everyone's eyes were on me. Some started giggling. I felt my cheeks burning from embarrassment.

"What do all of you find funny here?" he growled. I flinched; this class was going to get a good long lecture. I was happy I had to leave.

Maryam, who was also in this class with me, threw me a sympathetic smile. I smiled back.

Once I stepped foot in the principal's office, the principal sighed, "Mr Hikings again?" I nodded. “What did you get in trouble for now?”

“I promise I didn’t do anything; all I did was scooch my chair closer to my desk and it made a really loud noise and I did it because Duncan was poking me, and it hurt!” I took a deep breath, then looked down, “It’s not my fault.”

“Dear, I know. I know. I’ll need to talk to your teacher for a little bit. In the meantime, I’ll just have you sort out the library books as detention, again.” Mrs Spring said. She had her graying brown-blonde hair wrapped in a braid. Her gray eyes looked very tired. Sometimes, I pitied her. It must be a hard job to be a principal and look after the entire school.

A couple of years ago, me and Mrs Spring had developed a strong connection. We had shared many secrets, and I found out that she and Grams were neighbors a long time ago which excited Grams a lot. She invited Mrs Spring over for tea occasionally. The principal ushered me out of her very neat office and told me to go to my next class since first period was already over.

“What time do I have to get to the library at?” I asked Mrs Spring before I left. She said at lunch time. I frowned at the reply. I had promised Ella and Maryam that I’d sit with them at our usual table; right next to the window.

“I’ll be there.” I sighed. She smiled at me sympathetically and closed her office door. I walked down the empty hall and dropped off my history books in my locker and went off to Art class. This was going to be nice and calm, hopefully.

“Oh, I see you’re early, honey bunny!” Ms Artsy said when I entered the room. That was her nickname and she liked everyone to call her that.

I took a quick look around the classroom. The rug that used to be at the side, was now in the middle; it’s a circle shaped one. And the desks were put all around it. There were paintings of many different things all around the walls and to the right side, was a whole bookshelf on famous artists. And at the very front was Ms Artsy’s messy but somehow neat table.

I nodded and slipped into one of the chairs and shoved my bag under the table. There was a whole box of crayons and markers on it. I wondered what we were going to be doing today. As if reading my mind, “We’re going to be doing fashion drawing today, my sweet pea!” she clapped her hands and did a little dance on the spot. I giggled. Ms Artsy was always so happy and cheery.

“Hey!” Ella came into the room. She’s in my class! I grinned at her and waved her over.

“Ella! You’re in this class too!” I exclaimed. We hadn’t shared our classes this year. And since today was the first day, we were going to have some surprises! We never shared our classes last year either because our squad loves surprises.

“Am I?” Ella pretended to ponder over what I said and we both burst into a fit of giggles, then stopped when we noticed Ms Artsy smiling at the two of us. We settled down and took out our notebooks for notes and a pencil to write with.

Very soon, the entire class was full. I looked around at everyone. We had a few kids from the other homeroom as well. And I noticed one specific girl… Samantha! I waved at her and she waved back. Last year, both of us had done a Science project together and we got an A+.

+++

“I think that’s the most fun I’ve ever had today!” I exclaimed while I packed my stuff. I was talking about Art class. Ella nodded.

“Definitely.” she looked sad. I nudged her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing.” she said, “Just stuff at riding.”

“You know you can tell me anything, anytime and anywhere, right?” I said, waving my phone at her. She could text me. She nodded.

+++

Rrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnng!

I got of the hard chair in Math class and gave my worksheet to the teacher. We did polynomials and logs. It was so confusing! We also did algebra. The advanced one. I don’t think I’ll be able to use my brain for the rest of the day.

Ding!

I took out my phone. A message notification on my precious Samsung. It was from the group chat in which Ella included me and Maryam.

Ella: C u guys at lunch?

Maryam: Yup.

Me: Sorting out books in library

Maryam: What happened?

Ella: Y?

Me: Mr Hiking

Maryam: Meet you there.

Ella: C u there then

Me: C ya!

I smiled. I walked into the library and started at the Non-Fiction section. Kneeling down, I started sorting out the books. People put the Fantasy books in the Non-Fiction side! I took out the Land Of Stories book and tossed it into a bucket that had books that needed their correct homes. I shook my head as I saw a couple of Sci-Fi and Drama books that were torn from the edges. Only animals would do such a thing.

"Looks like someone needs a hand," It was Ella. I looked behind me and was greeted by warm dimpled smiles from both my friends. I wish I had a dimple. They look so cute! I nodded. “What happened anyways?” she asked.

I told them everything. Duncan poking me, Mr Hikings yelling, the principal’s office, and everything else.

"Here's the bucket," I handed it over to them, "Put each genre in the correct shelf."

"Okay." Maryam and Ella nodded together and walked away.

I looked at Ella as she went towards the opposite shelf. I could see over the shelf since these bookshelves were chest-high. We'd been friends for over five years since grade three. We were in the same classes all the time. Nothing could break our friendship. But nowadays, I feel as if she's growing apart from me. It must just be a funny feeling.

Then I looked at Maryam. She used to be shy. I was really surprised that she grown out of it. She explained to me over the summer what had been bugging her. She’s just afraid of new schools. Because every single time she moved, she always had a bully who hurt her.

I felt someone shove my shoulder violently. I looked behind me, "Yes? What can I do for you?"

"Move out of the way, idiot." she said. I don't think I've seen her around. I looked at her dead in the eye. Coal black eyes. Pale skin. Wavy raven black hair. Extremely thin figure. She looked older than me. Probably seventeen or so.

"I said, move! Not, stare!" she exclaimed.

"This is a library, you can't yell." I said, "And, I have a name. It's not idiot. It's Julia. What's yours?"

She shoved me out of the way and took out a book. She looked at it in disgust and threw it behind her. Walking farther away from me, she twirled her hair, "Raven Hill."

And with that, she disappeared into the other aisle of books.

“Who was that?” Maryam said. I looked beside me and shrugged at her.

“Probably someone new.” I said, “Definitely not in our grade. Maybe grade twelve. She looks pretty old, eh?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m done!” Ella said when she approached us. She looked at us and saw us frowning. “What happened?”

“There was some new girl named Raven Hill. She shoved me.” I pretend pouted. But I regretted it, because she started asking me all the questions doctors ask a patient – she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Me and Maryam started giggling.

“What’s so funny?”

Me and Maryam dragged her out of the library and went into the hallway.

“Ready…?” I asked. “There’s a bug on your shoulder!” Me and Maryam both plugged our ears and started giggling as Ella stifled a scream when she was face-to-face with a spider.

Other kids looked at us and laughed. Some rolled their eyes. And some threw mean comments at us.

“Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me!” she whisper-shrieked, running out of the school and onto the field. Lunch wasn’t over yet, and all the kids were chilling outside under the warm sun. Maryam and I ran after her and finally, she slowed to a stop. We calmed her down and flicked off the naughty spider.

“Done!” I giggled.

When Ella had caught up with her breathing, she burst into a fit of laughter.


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Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:42 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



This was a really nice chapter! It felt very short and sweet, and I liked that! This Raven character has me suspicious. What will she do? Who will she be? Find out on the next chapter of Unlucky Thirteen!
There was one thing that I saw, and I wanted to point it out, and that's that a boring, strict history teacher feels a little... Please don't take offence... It feels a bit cliché. In almost all the teen fiction stories that take place at school, there's a boring history teacher. I'm not saying change the teachers personality! Because that seems like a great setup, but maybe if he taught something different? I don't know, maybe I'm biased, because I love, love, love history. Keep in mind that that's just my opinion, you can keep it that way if you disagree with me.
Other than that, this chapters really nice! I'm excited to see what happens next! Will Maddie reveal that she's always been in love with Duncan? Will Julia finally admit that she's always wanted a dress like Maddie? Will Ella reveal that she's the one who stole Maryams Mac and Cheese? Find out on the next chapter of Unlucky Thirteen!
(Have a good day, and keep on writing! :D)




Liberty says...


Lol, I love this review so much! Thanks!



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Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:30 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



Hey Lib!

I’m just gonna jump right into it!

I nodded. Then shook my head. Then nodded again. Then changed my mind and shook my head. He glared at me. "What is it!?" He yelled. I flinched.
This is good because it shows that she is struggling to decide whether or not she should tattle on Duncan. I think she should have! Anyway, that’s not the reason I pointed this out. The reason I brought this to your attention is because although you are trying to show her indecisiveness, the flow really just threw me off. Maybe try find a way to make it flow better. :D

I took a quick look around the classroom. The rug that used to be at the side, was now in the middle; it’s a circle shaped one. And the desks were put all around it.
This description sounds a bit forced. I’ll give you an example how to make it less forced.
Example: I took a quick look around the classroom and noticed she had rearranged it. The circle shaped rug that was off to the side before was now in the center with all the desks placed around it. I liked the new look!

I looked at her dead in the eye. Coal black eyes. Pale skin. Wavy raven black hair. Extremely thin figure.
Once again, I love how you took the time to describe her but it feels rather forced again.
Example: I looked at her dead in the eye. The icy black stare I got in return was enough to send shivers down my spine as she tossed her wavy, raven black hair over her pale shoulder.
I know I didn’t mention her tiny figure but one thing I’ve learned is that description can be nursed throughout the whole book.

“What’s so funny?” Me and Maryam dragged her out of the library and went into the hallway.
Who’s talking? Maybe say…

One thing I notice you say A LOT is Me and Maryam, etc… Try slow down on that so it doesn’t feel like you’re repeating yourself all the time.

Other than that, it was pretty good! I look forward to reading/reviewing the rest! I would really like to see who this Raven is because for some reason I feel like you are going to bring her into this book more. I hope you do. It’s always nice to have a badass character around! ;)

Keep on writing!

Your friend,
Honora




Liberty says...


Lol, badass for sure. Thanks for the review! I'll watch out for the description stuff. :) Just noticed, you use the winking emojis a lot, lol.



Honora says...


Np!
Lol I do use the winky face a lot! XD



Liberty says...


:P



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Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:42 am
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xJade wrote a review...



Berty (your new nn)

So, I'm sorry but I'm on a time crunch and can only give my overall thoughts. If you want me to expand/elaborate on anything I said let me know and I will.

I think their reactions (mainly Julia's) are stunted and don't seem too realistic. The flow and detail are really good, in my opinion, but there were a few spots that made me need to read twice.

I like the background and the way you introduce characters, but I think you put too much effort into portraying Julia's thoughts when one sentence (or even better, her actions) could speak louder. OVERALL, I really enjoyed this and I hope this review was not useless.
Jade




Liberty says...


It wasn't useless. It was great! Thanks!



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Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:54 pm
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JabberHut says...



I AM HERE FOR ROUND TWO!

I'm gonna try to just address the changes or new things I noticed. :D

I like that there's a little background as to why Mr Hikings is strict and treats Julia so unfairly. It definitely adds more depth to both characters. I'm surprised and sad that she was caught crying and running down the hall though. D: What did Maddie say to her to make someone like Julia cry and run away?! Unless it was like... a prod at her (now dead) mother.... Oh, that would be low. What a jerk. Has to have been a serious insult to make Julia cry. Or perhaps this is the scenario that started a whole mentality change for Julia, like she suddenly toughened up. Like I could have seen Maryam cry since she's so shy and probably even a pushover, but I didn't expect it from Julia.

She could have been caught yanking Maddie's backpack after Maddie threw an insult at her walking by, and Mr Hikings saw that or instead she yelled something back accidentally loud enough for teachers to overhear. Yanking a backpack isn't a call for suspension and neither is shouting, but an old-fashioned geezer might think it is since "he'd have been swatted for it at her age" or something. I just saw Julia being a little more aggressive. I don't know about physically, but certainly vocally. But like I said! Maybe this was the scene in the past that helped Julia toughen up over the last year. Or maybe is actually a softie at heart and we haven't seen that yet?!

YAY! I like that the art room description is much earlier. I think you might have even added a bit to it. I really just think this works a whole lot better (though "messy but neat table" was kinda goofy XD almost kinda fits with the humorous narration).

Oooh, a new comment from Ella about riding?! How intriguing! I wonder what could have changed between this morning and now that prompted Ella to be sad about riding.

I like the explanation in what they were doing exactly at the library. That or I just didn't catch it before. It makes a lot more sense though (and sounds absolutely dreadful).

Also, I didn't say this before, BUT HOW DARE BOTH HER FRIENDS HAVE DIMPLES. I love dimples. They are so beautiful and I wish I had at least one. My sister and dad have one dimple on the right side and it's just the most beautiful feature <3 <3 <3

Ooh, okay. So I like this added explanation about Maryam. I expected her to have kinda grew a little out of her shy stage, but I didn't think she had completely grown out of it. Is she still a sensitive soul or is she equally as rambunctious as the other two? I have to say, I was remarkably shy in elementary/middle school years. It wasn't until high school I finally was growing out of it, but I'm still very reserved and to-myself, very self-conscious about what I say and do. I don't think I'd say I'm shy anymore, but I'm certainly very reserved.

I just don't want these three to appear too much the same, or there's really no purpose at all to their characters. There should be some notable differences between them, and it should be at least somewhat apparent how these three kind of complete each other. Kind of like how Hermione Granger was the smart one and Ronald Weasley was goofy and Harry Potter himself was the brave and reckless soul of the bunch. Or Blossom was the leader and smartypants, Bubbles was the sweet and innocent powerpuff girl, and Butterscotch was the tough cookie who was willing to fight for what she believes in.

You know, I say ALL OF THAT and like two lines later, I read one about Ella wanting to be a doctor. So VERY NICE! I LIKE THIS. This actually reinforces that idea that Ella is very motherly, which was commented on in chapter one, so this was actually very good. Hopefully, we get more of a nurturing side out of her more later.

I like the added explanation at the end. It actually filled in the picture better for me 'cause before, I imagined gym class occurring while she ran outside. XD I guess I went to a larger middle school, so there were multiple lunches throughout the day. Classes would still be going on for those who didn't have lunch yet or already had it. It's just a different perspective of school, I think.

I like the changes you're making though. It's already shaping up and reading much smoother than before!




Liberty says...


Okay, I dunno why, but I just saw this review. :?: Thanks anyway! Me and my dad have dimples on our right cheeks too! XD



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Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:43 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Liberty!! Wassuup. This is an extra special review for me, because it’s my 350th review... which means my first blue star! Anyway, let’s hop right in!

I’m seconding Jabber on this: this chapter was really funny! I absolutely love Julia’s humor and narration, and it makes this a really fun read. I also like how we got to know a bit more about her friends, especially the little tidbit with Ella and Julia possibly growing apart. I’m interested to know more about that. I thought it a little weird for Julia to say “Ella wouldn’t do that” - it sounds as if Julia is putting the blame on Ella when it reality situations like those shouldn’t have anyone to blame - it’s completely natural!! But I’m sure that’s something Julia is going to learn, too. I do like that really realistic aspect of the story, though. We’ll have to see how their friendship works out!

Right now, I’m wondering a little what the deeper plot in this story is. I feel like Raven may have a part in this - she’s quite the character. I’m really hoping we get to know more of the conflict in the story soon. What makes Julia’s story important? <<—- that type of question may help develop some more ideas !! I have a feeling there’s going To be more going down but I did want to mention this sooner rather than later. :)

He was around his late 90's so he probably had this entire lecture memorized.


I couldn’t really tell if this was sarcastic or not lol. xP Late 90 years old is really old for a teacher though! By that point I would say most people are retired and likely not in best condition to be teaching. o-O Or Maybe Julia was just being sarcastic hahah.

“You know you can tell us anything, anytime and anywhere, right?” I said, waving my phone at her. Ella could text us. She nodded.


Hmmmmm very interesting. I wonder what this is all about :0 We shall see!

Excited for more!!

~ EternalRain




Liberty says...


Lol, the being-in-his-late-90's thing was sarcasm. XP Thanks for the review! I need ta edit some stuff here so once it's been edited, I'll notify you and @JabberHut ASAP. ;)



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Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:34 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Omg I love the humor in the narration. It's just so wonderful. It's spot-on Julia and amuses me so much. It makes it so much fun to simply read.

I was worried about the history lesson at the beginning, but you cut it off pretty quick -- let alone with a hilarious line about his deadly boring voice -- so I think that worked incredibly well! It gave us a taste of boring history lectures as well as Julia's take on it too. And the humor keeps going with calling him Mr Hiccups and saying he's in his late 90s (I mean THAT'S PRETTY OLD XD).

Why does this professor keep sending her to the principal's office?! How many lectures has this teacher gotten from the principal?! Apparently it's a habit of his to pick on her, or does he do this to other students too? WHY IS HE PICKING ON JULIA.

AND WHO IS THIS DUNCAN! Why is he incessantly poking Julia?! (Probably because he's also bored. And clearly he has a crush on Julia. I know how boys work. I'm a sage.)

Ms Artsy is also so much fun. I like how the atmosphere is so very clear in each of the classrooms. I think I'd have liked the room setup to have been mentioned as Julia entered the classroom since the desks are apparently set up in a circle (if I read that correctly). My brain had to rearrange the room when the scene was almost finished because of the late timing on that explanation.

I'm also surprised the trio hasn't exchanged schedules yet?! Are they really as close of friends as the narration indicated (save for the speculation of losing touch with Ella)? Usually, especially with phones now in the picture, schedules are just being shared between friends almost as soon as they get them. Maybe taking a picture of it or typing it out, however it may be. So seeing Ella (and Maryam actually [WHY DIDN'T JULIA GREET MARYAM WITH EXCITEMENT? D: POOR MARYAM. I WILL LOVE YOU, MARYAM.) would just be more excitement to see a familiar face again, right? Unless there's explanation later, like Ella not sharing her schedule is a clue to Julia that Ella isn't as close anymore. But then this would at least be true for Maryam, right? Do those two know each other's schedules?

The list of names in the classroom is kind of a repeat of the attendance scene. I'm not going to remember ANY of those names, but I like that it shows Julia's attention to detail -- people-wise. She identifies people, she knows faces. Something tells me she never forgets a face.

WHY IS ELLA SAD AFTER ART CLASS ?? IT'S ART CLASS. Ella. D:

Oh, did Julia just forget to text her friends about detention? Why aren't they texting each other these details? It makes me wonder if they're actually as close as I was told. D: POOR MARYAM JULIA JUST WANTS FRIENDS.

I might be sympathizing a bit with Maryam. I have a soft spot for shy people.

Okay WHOEVER THIS RAVEN CHICK IS. Is the library really, like, closed in? Like is there no space to walk places? Why is this Raven Hill person tapping Julia's shoulder. Also, it totally freaks me out when people tap me on the shoulder. Usually they just lean over and say "excuse me" BUT THIS CHICK TAPPED HER SHOULDER AND NOW SOUNDS WORSE THAN MADDIE. But yeah, the layout of the library and where they are in that layout kinda confused my brain.

Do I have to choose between Maddie and Raven beCAUSE I DO NOT LIKE EITHER OF THEM.

I like the spider scene. Totally relate to Ella on that and probably would have smacked someone for teasing me like that, but Ella is clearly a nicer person than I am. I did, though, have to reread the scene a few times. I was confused at the mention of their "amusement" since we were JUST talking about Raven, and there was nothing amusing about it. I also find it VERY interesting that Maryam is the one that says "ready? SPIDER" 'cause it sounds so much more appropriate for Julia to say.

Screaming in a school hallway is proooooobably going to attract some teachers. Or students. Or security. Or all of the above. And I'm actually surprised she ran all the way out to the field?! IS THE FIELD LIKE RIGHT THERE?! Would the teachers allow students to just run around then outside to the field?!

It was hilarious though. XD I hate spiders with a passion. I get you, Ella. I get you.

PLEASE KEEP ME POSTED. I would love to keep reading to see where this all goes. I wonder what's up with Ella?! AND WE STILL MUST KNOW THE RESULTS OF THE CONTEST. HNNNNNG.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review, Jabber! I really appreciate it and I definitely will be making some edits. The stuff you pointed out %u2013 I didn%u2019t even see them myself, considering I%u2019m the author. ~_~ Anyways, I%u2019ll tag you for chapter 3. Also, I didn%u2019t want the Duncan stuff to be crushing. Just boredom. I don%u2019t want any romance in moi book. Crushes not allowed. Thanks again! :D :D




cron
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