z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Unlucky 13 - Chapter 4

by Lib


I was choosing between the souvenir that said I LOVE CHICAGO, or the one that had the world and the word CHICAGO in bold in the middle. They were both keychains. Avery loved having collections of them. He had Face Timed me once and showed me all the ones he had. He basically had half the world’s souvenirs. I laughed at the thought and tossed both of them in the little cart I was dragging along with me in the market on that sunny Tuesday morning.

I went to the kids’ section and saw something that Isabella would adore. I lunged for the slime kit and tossed it into the cart. It costs fifteen dollars. I flinched. I bit too expensive, but it should be fine. Then, I rolled down towards the front and suddenly realized I had nothing for Timothy. I quickly dashed towards the clothes section. I saw a hat that said CHICAGO BULLS on it. I decided that would be good enough, hopefully, and ran back to the cashiers. I saw a gift bag and took that too.

The elderly man behind the counter smiled at me and noticing how much of a rush I was in, quickly checked out everything for me, “Your total is twenty four forty plus tax.” he said. I gave him the cash and told him to keep the change. I thanked him and rushed off with the shopper. Grams was there waiting for me in the taxi with both our baggage. My bag and the purse that I was hanging around my shoulder. And Grams’ bag and her purse.

I hopped in and tossed everything in the gift bag. “To the airport, sir!” Grams said.

He nodded and zoomed off, “We should reach in about half an hour. By ten thirty, we should, hopefully, be there.”

Before I realized it, I had fallen asleep.

+++

“Honey,” a voice said. “Wake up!”

“Where…? Airport…” I mumbled. The person chuckled then poked me.

“We’re here.” the voice said. I snapped my eyes open. We were here! Then I realized that the voice was Grams. I smiled at her and jumped out of the taxi. I thanked the driver and then Grams paid. We took out our bags from the trunk and walked into the airport.

We checked in our bags and went off to gate number 29.

I asked Grams if she wanted anything from Starbucks. “A blueberry scone and a Cinnamon Dolce Latte.” I nodded. Then, I walked into the café and the man behind the cash register asked for my order.

“A blueberry scone, a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Caramel Frappuccinoand a chocolate chip cookie.” I said, ticking off the items on my fingers one by one.

The man – Doug – nodded, “Anything else?” I shook my head. “The total will be twelve ninety.” he went off to get everything ready while I paid with the credit card.

A few minutes later, I was walking back to my seat where Grams was and held out her order so she could start eating.

We waited there for some time and then the woman over the speaker told us that our flight had arrived. People were coming out of the plane, so we had to wait first.

As soon as everyone came out of the plane, everyone waiting at Gate 29 went in. Our seat number was three and I got the window seat! I grinned at Grams who was sitting beside me. Or so I thought. I looked beside me and almost jumped out of my seat. The lady sitting there had a smug look on her face and while she was talking to me, her breath smelled very funny.

“Um, excuse me. Just need to go to the bathroom.” I got out of my seat and squeezed past her. The person sitting beside her was Grams. She looked at me apologetically. I squeezed her hand and smiled. It’s fine. I mouthed. I walked to the front of the plane where two of the flight attendants were talking.

“Eh-ehem.” I cleared my throat and the flight attendant guy looked at me.

“Yes?” he said kindly.

“I think there’s a drunk lady on board.” I whispered. His face turned grave and he asked me where she was sitting. He followed me past the other few passengers that were in front of us. Just nine other people.

“Here.” I said.

“Excuse me, miss.” he said sternly but not rudely. “May I get you to hop out of that seat for a second? I need to talk to you at the front on the plane.” The lady giggled and then suddenly, out of the blue, she burped really loud.

She got out of the seat, “Wooo!!” she stuck out her arms and half staggered, half zoomed towards the front and waited there for the flight attendant. He looked back at me and mouthed a thank you. I nodded slightly at him and went back to my window seat.

Grams gave me a questioning look and I filled her in. “They’ll probably take her off-board.” she said to me. “Don’t worry.” She patted my hand and her green eyes flickered towards my neck.

She saw the necklace.

I had tucked it under my shirt! I remember! But I guess not…

I gulped, “I-I’m sorry Grams. I c-can explain.”

She patted my hand again and leaned back.

“Grams, I found it a long time ago!” I said then plastered a smile on my face as the same flight attendant came back and told us that the drunk lady was taken off the plane.

“That seat is free for your use now.” he nodded towards the empty seat between Grams and me. I thanked him and he walked off.

The two other flight attendants started explaining all the emergency exits and everything. I closed my eyes and sighed. I was hoping Grams would move to the middle seat. She was probably upset with me.

When I moved to the middle seat, “Don’t you like the window seat?” she asked me. I sighed again and moved back to my window seat and stared out of the window. I buckled up and dozed off into sleep as the plane started flying.

+++

We had gotten off our three hour flight to Quebec (yes, our cousins live in Canada) and it was currently four o’clock. It took us some time for us to retrieve our bags. Someone almost stole them.

And now we were in a mini-van, driving on the highway. Uncle Simon was driving, and we were having the time of our lives! Music was blasting from the radio and we all decided that we loved this song. Avery had come along too. We had instantly clicked when I showed him the souvenirs.

Grams was glad to be with her son right now. When the song ended abruptly, we all cracked up.

“And we’re here!” Uncle Simon exclaimed cheerily. Their house was huge. By huge, I mean seriously huge. It had three floors and it looked as if it took up a quarter of the neighborhood. It looked as if. There were trees surrounding the neighborhood too. It was a nice and peaceful sight. Uncle Simon turned off the engine and unlocked all the doors. We all hopped out and as Uncle Simon was walking down the pathway. His face suddenly turned red.

“You raccoon!” he started talking in a different language – which I guessed was French, since this was the national language. There indeed was a raccoon in their front yard nibbling on an apple core. It scampered away, scared. Avery shook his head.

“Raccoon has been annoying us for quite a long time now.” he sighed. Me and Grams followed Uncle Simon and Avery into the house, I gaped when I stepped in.

This house… Oh my god… This is nuts! I have to tell Maryam and Ella this! My cousins are so rich, and I didn’t even know. Aunt Martha had run out of some place – probably the kitchen, because she was wearing an apron – and hugged us all.

“It’s so good to finally see you, Jules!” she exclaimed, grabbing me into a warm hug. I hugged her back. She smelled like fresh muffins. Timothy and Isabella had come out of their places, too. Timothy and I shook hands and Isabella and I hugged.

Uncle Simon and Timothy took mine and Grams’ bags and purses and took them upstairs. Probably to the guest room. We were still standing at the front chit chatting. I told Isabella I have a gift for her, but I’d show her later. I still have my gift bag with me.

“It’s almost time for supper.” Aunt Martha announced, “Oh! You should both get comfy in the living room.” she smiled at us and ushered us into a huge room with beautiful furniture. Me and Grams sat down. I was careful not to ruin anything. It all looked so precious!

“Ave and Izzy, listen.” Aunt Martha said, “You will help your grandmother and cousin. If they need anything, give it. Just be good, okay?” The two kids nodded. “Also, go get your father and brother from upstairs. They probably continued with video gaming again.” she rolled her eyes and jogged off towards the kitchen – I think.

I giggled slightly. I had learned from all the times we chatted on the phone that Timothy and Uncle Simon loved playing video games! One of their favorites is Fortnite. I’m not very into video games so I have zero clue what that is.

“So how was your trip here?” Avery said. He sat opposite from me. Grams was beside me on the leather couch.

“It was good. We had some troubles along the way, but thankfully, we were safe.” Grams smiled. I continued for her as the rest of the Ashtons filed in. Aunt Martha had brought muffins too.

“We had encountered a drunk lady on board. She smelled very strongly of liquor.”

Everyone gasped.

“She was taken off the plane, don’t worry.” I continued.

Everyone laughed. “We had also had our baggage stolen!” I exclaimed.

“Almost!” Isabella said, “They’re upstairs now.”

“That’s right!” I said and smiled at her. “I like your dress by the way.” I said, pointing at it. It was lace and poufy. I liked it. It was a royal purple and it went right below her knees. She smiled at me.

My clothes were nothing compared to hers. I had a black sweatshirt on and denim jeans. Boring.

“Mum made it.” she said shyly, looking down.

Grams gasped, “You did!?” she shrieked. She got up and dragged Aunt Martha with her. I heard her mumble about teaching her sewing. We all laughed, and Uncle Simon got up. “I better go watch this. Mother needs to stay sane for the rest of this vacation, especially to go back home!” he shook his head, chuckling. “Or else, she’ll be told to get off-board.”

“I guess it’s just us then.” Avery said. He smiled at me.

I nodded.

“Just saying, call us by our nicknames. I’m Ave, Isabella is Izzy, Timothy is Tim, and Dad is Sim. Mum doesn’t like nicknames, so nothing for her.” He laughed.

I chuckled, “Alright.”

Is Uncle Simo – or I mean, Uncle Sim – okay with his son calling him by his name? I bit my lip then shrugged slightly.

I had a lot of getting used to!


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 374
Reviews: 15

Donate
Sun Dec 01, 2019 9:27 pm
View Likes
crazybanana505 wrote a review...



Hello I really liked this chapter its just so happy nothing bad had happened in the story or sad just that one drunk lady that was not good to be on board so good thing she got taken off board. You might want to reread the story for spaces you forgot to put then you could check for any punctuation errors so then your story would be easier to read. The story your creating is still really good and i just really love the unlucky 13 story and what if one of Julia's cousins get really sick that would be really bad. What would happen if the plane they take to go back home crashes while their on it but no one got hurt but then they would be stranded and eventually run out of food and water that would be a big plot twist.




Lib says...


Haha, glad you have such a wild imagination! I hope the next chapter won't disappoint. ;) Also, the drunk lady thing is based off what happened to me once, lol.



Lib says...


Oh, and thanks for the review!





yeah thanks



User avatar
460 Reviews


Points: 7326
Reviews: 460

Donate
Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:12 pm
View Likes
Horisun wrote a review...



This is a really nice chapter! I'm very intrigued by the necklace. My personal theory is that it's her moms, and her grandma and her didn't get along. That's my guess, anyway.
Really, the only thing I saw that I feel the need to point out is that there were a few unnecessary details that broke the flow a bit, but other than that, I really saw nothing to point out! This turned out amazing, and I look forward to reading the next chapter! Have a good day, and keep on writing!




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!



User avatar
232 Reviews


Points: 1778
Reviews: 232

Donate
Sat Jun 29, 2019 11:59 pm
View Likes
LadyBug wrote a review...



Wow, so, this is pretty good. I'm just trying to get this done quickly so I'll give my overall thoughts :).

I think you have definitely gotten better at writing over the past few days and I love how your story is tying together. Be more descriptive in places and try to sustain your readers' interest because there are a few patchy places. Other than that this is really good and I'm off to the next part. I'm sorry if this is useless just tell me if you want me to elabortabe.




Lib says...


The encouragement is everything and more. <3 Thanks!



User avatar
1464 Reviews


Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Donate
Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:55 pm
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



I'm here to review the edits! At least, I think I only saw edits in the part where they arrived at the estate. I didn't notice any changes earlier on SO LET ME KNOW IF I'M WRONG. I can then edit this post with corresponding comments.

But I really like the changes you made here. Timothy and Izzy are already there now to say hello. The handshake made me giggle. But I do like that Julia and Izzy are excited to see each other now. This makes me wonder if they talk to each other often, so Julia maybe knows her better than the other cousins. They hug like they know each other or at least hyped themselves up for meeting each other. There just seems like there's some history there. I like the idea of allowing them to have had regular contact with each other at the very least.

I still don't really think Uncle Simon would have escaped to play Fortnite. He seems like a responsible host after having picked them up from the airpot. Timothy, I could see. Maybe he's filling the rebellious teenager stereotype, but Uncle Simon... I don't see him doing that.

The visit in the living room feels more natural than before though, so the adjustments are absolutely working. It sounds like Uncle Simon did make it back since he left again with Grams and Aunt Martha, but Timothy wasn't mentioned again, so I guess he's still playing Fortnite? XD

Definitely just be sure you don't lose all of these characters. There's a lot to juggle here, and the story is moving very quickly!

It just crossed my mind though: With such a big house, would they have hired help? At the very least, maybe a maid that occasionally visits to help clean the place? I don't really know for sure, but it seems awfully big for one housewife to tackle.

Changes are looking good! I like how it's shaping up. :D




Lib says...


Thanks again for the review! I really appreciate it. :)



User avatar
456 Reviews


Points: 69427
Reviews: 456

Donate
Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:09 am
View Likes
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hiii Liberty!

Woohoo, cousins time! The shopping at the beginning of the chapter was really sweet - Julia’s very thoughtful!

I’m still curious why Julia and Grams are here - everyone seems cheerful so I didn’t get a funeral/death vibe and I’m not sure what other reason they would have to visit on such short of a notice!

Mother needs to stay sane for the rest of this vacation, especially to go back home!” He shook his head, chuckling.


This line makes it seem as if it’s a vacation or a trip to visit the cousins just because, but that doesn’t make sense for two reasons: 1) why so unpredictable? If it was a vacation Grams and Julia would’ve probably talked it over, considered it, etc etc, and 2) why after like the first day of school??!

Drunk lady - adds to the comedy! I loved her. I’m surprised Julia was able to tell she was drunk so easily lol. Would someone really be taken off the plane though? (Not even sure myself ha, but it seems like they wouldn’t - although I suppose if they were making someone [Julia] uncomfortable, probably). Anyway, she was hilarious lol.

I like how the Starbucks guy’s name was Doug lol xD I don’t think it really needs to be specified, but it made me smile anyway haha.

One other thing - necklace??? Whaaaaat. Definitely excited to learn more about that. I feel like we were given almost too little information - the reason Grams is mad doesn’t need to be specified, but maybe Julia specifiying what the necklace is (gemstone, charm, locket, whatever it is) just so the reader can have a little visual info as well as maybe wonder more what it’s about.

I hope Izzy and Julia get close! Izzy seems really sweet. I’m excited for more of their interactions.

Those are all my thoughts for this chapter!

~ EternalRain




Lib says...


Okay, about the drunk lady thing - it happened with me. It's illegal to fly when you're drunk or high. It was quite the experience... And, the necklace thing, I have a feeling you'll enjoy the next chapter. And for them to be so suddenly coming into Canada to their siblings, that'll come up soon... You'll see what's gonna happen. :P



Lib says...


Thanks for the review by the way!



EternalRain says...


Oh it is?? Yeah, that makes sense lol xD

I%u2019m excited to uncover more!!!



Lib says...


The next chapter's already posted. ;)



User avatar
1464 Reviews


Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Donate
Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:10 pm
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



Bahahaha, I love this whirlwind trip to the store to buy gifts. It feels super last minute, but I wonder if this entire trip was rather last minute. I could see Julia being like TOYS. WE SHOULD GET TOYS.

I don't know if Julia knows Isabella to know if she'd adore something, but I guess Julia glossed over the idea of having talked to them all on the phone a couple of times. Perhaps they were extensive calls, and maybe one of those phone calls was actually a FaceTime with Avery. :D

She made it sound like in chapter 3 that she didn't know what they were like, and the shopping scene here makes it sound like she knows them well enough. Maybe a slight modification in the previous chapter when she's talking to her friends, saying that she kinda knew them but not well enough to say she does. Just the bare facts like Avery likes the Chicago Bulls.

omg a caramel frappuccino and a chocolate chip cookie sounds freaking aMAZING right now.

OMG A DRUNK LADY. HAHAHAHA. How in the world did she get on board without anyone noticing!? omg. omg she woo'd. XD SHE WOO'D.

Oh no. Oh no, I don't remember a necklace. Do I remember a necklace? OH NO. I NEED TO LOOK.

Ooooh Uncle Simon speaks French. Since Julia doesn't understand French, I'd suggest either writing out the dialogue in French or just skipping the dialogue part and say he was shouting at a raccoon in what she assumed to be French. That way, the reader is still in Julia's head. :D Uncle Simon is explaining why he was shouting at the raccoon anyway, so it would make sense to us without knowing what Frenchy "You raccoon" meant in English.

LOL why is Simon dragging her into the house?! I wonder if how many times she's even met Simon. Are they close enough that Simon dragging her wouldn't freak her out?! XD

omg Aunt Martha is adorable.

duuuude julia I would also be freaked out by the richness omg. ARE YOU SURE I CAN SIT HERE, AUNT MARTHA. IT'S TOO CLEAN.

So she must know her aunt and uncle well enough 'cause Martha greeted her rather warmly, and Simon (though we didn't really get to see) was comfortable enough to just start singing with them in the car. It just must have been a long time if she hadn't met her cousins face-to-face. I can relate to this as I have an aunt and uncle in Michigan, but I don't really know their kids well as I have hardly met them or anything. But I have precious memories with my uncle growing up.

WHY IS SIMON GAMING. or is simoin ont the father. THEY LITERALLY JUST GOT HERE. OMG XD

Wait, did they get their dad and bro?

I like the Ashton namedrop. Very smooth! :D

D'aww, the storytelling about the drunk lady was so brief and, like... factual that it was disappointing. Julia is so much funnier and more clever than that! The story totally deserves laughter, it just didn't match with the dialogue of the story around it. XD

I have such a weird pet peeve about namedropping in dialogue. When Julia says "That's right, Isabella!" it makes me cringe for some reason. It's probably just a personal preference. xD BUT IT MADE ME CRINGE. Isabella is right there, and Julia is obviously responding to her, so I don't really understand why she says Isabella. AGAIN THOUGH: It's a personal pet peeve. That's not to say this is wrong to put here. Maybe that's just how Julia talks!

Actually, I wonder if Julia says that statement so formally because Isabella is ten. But isn't Julia only a couple years older since she's in middle school? I don't think she'd have to talk down to a ten-year-old like that, maybe a six-year-old.

Commenting on her dress though. <3 ADORABLE AND APPROPRIATE. I highly approve.

D'AWWW. DOES GRAMS NOT SEW? omg that's adorable. She has an interest in sewing! I wonder what she does at home though. She must have some hobbies if sewing isn't one of them!

Is it weird that Avery knows Simon's nickname is Sim and introduces him as such? Maybe my family was a little too formal. I never introduced my dad as anything but my dad. He'd introduce himself as Tim or parents would introduce him as Uncle Tim, but I was never allowed to call him anything other than Dad. So maybe that's just me. (My dad was rather strict. Simon and Martha seem rather friendly.)

I like that this chapter transitioned us right into Quebec with the cousins. This wrapped up rather nicely for the next arc, really, of this novel. I wonder what will go down here? What will happen here? And will it have anything to do with the goings-on back home?!

I wonder if the meat of the novel will take place here, or if Julia will learn something/pick osmething up from Quebec that affects her life back home. I also wonder if it was significant that this all happened after the first day of school, after she learned of the science competition results, Ella's competition results, and just! so! eager! for more!

Fun stuff! I'm still giggling about the drunk lady. That's hilarious. XD

Jabber, the One and Only

EDIT: OKAY. So it JUST occurred to me that the Isabella namedrop Julia says in "That's right, Isabella!" ties in with Avery saying to just use their nicknames. I don't know if there's another way to do this, like Julia maybe asking what "Uncle Simon and Timothy are playing" and Avery corrects her with "just use our nicknames" or something like that. Maybe Julia getting Isabella's attention by saying "Hey, Isabella, where did you get that pretty dress?"

JUST IDEAS. Your call in the end! <3




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!! And also... to reply to what you said here:
V

You're going to LOVE the next chapter. I can already tell. The naming-to-nicknames thing, I totally understand. I was hoping someone would give me ideas! Thank you for that. I felt as if it sounded weird too. Lol. Anyways, thanks for the review!
PS: The drunk lady thing? It happened to us when we were flying in the plane to go see our cousins. :P It was crazy. And she woo'd. XD



Lib says...


***To reply to what you said HERE:
I wonder if the meat of the novel will take place here, or if Julia will learn something/pick osmething up from Quebec that affects her life back home. I also wonder if it was significant that this all happened after the first day of school, after she learned of the science competition results, Ella's competition results, and just! so! eager! for more!



JabberHut says...


LOL the drunk lady was real?! That's HILARIOUS. omg. I love that you incorporated it into this.

OOOOOOOOOOOOH I'M EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER THEN! GUH.



Lib says...


:D




Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller