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E - Everyone

Unlucky 13 - Chapter 12

by Liberty


“Mamma-mia!” Mom said when she came out of the car and looked up at the house, “Sim, what’s your job? You’re rich as heck!”

Uncle Sim laughed as he got out of the van. Everyone else followed. “I’m a lawyer.”

Mom squealed and hugged him, “You’re amazing.”

I looked at Aunt Martha and I swear I saw a flicker of jealousy pass her eyes. When she saw me staring, she plastered a smile on her face, but her eyes didn’t match her mouth.

“Wait up,” Ave groaned, rolling out of the car. He had fallen asleep. “Are you guys gonna leave me here, or what?”

Uncle Sim opened the huge oak door, stepped in, and held the door open for everyone else. “Whoa.” Mom gasped, “I haven’t seen a house like this in a decade!”

Aunt Martha rolled her eyes. “Anthea, you used to live in a mansion yourself. No one asked you to leave.”

Dang. That hurt. Ave nudged Aunt Martha and she winced, slapping his arm away.

“Well, I had to leave, Martha.” Mom said, “I had no other choice.” she smiled at her and kissed me, giving me a one arm hug.

“We’ll be talking for quite some time, eh?” she asked me. I nodded.

We were taken to the living room. The same one that me and Grams had been invited to on our first day here.

“Tea or coffee?” Aunt Martha grumbled. Even if she was in a bad mood, she loves serving.

“Water is fine.” Mom smiled at her politely, “Thank you.”

Aunt Martha left for the kitchen. Tim followed. The rest of us sat in the living.

“She’s just jealous.” Uncle Sim said quietly, shrugging. “Sensitive lady.”

Mom smiled, “It’s okay.”

“I’ll go talk to her.” he said, looking down. He got up and left, leaving Grams, Izzy, Ave, and me with Mom.

“So.” Ave said. The usual Ave. Always starting the conversations. “What exactly am I supposed to call you?” he asked.

“Anthea. Aunty A. Cowgirl. Anything, really.” she said. I gaped. “I’ve got tons of nicknames back in London.” she grinned.

“Uh, okay…” Ave said, scratching the back of his head, “Aunty A?” Mom nodded. Ave smiled. “Sounds good!”

“And I’m calling you Mom, right?” I asked and I was replied with a cheery yes from her.

Awkward silence.

Ave started talking and we all were taken into a deep conversation about the best weather.

"Um, can I steal... Mom?" I asked, "For a little while?" I got up and looked at Grams. She smiled and nodded. She knew we had a lot of catching up to do with each other.

Mom got up beside me and we walked away. I sneaked a glance into the kitchen and saw Tim and Unlce Sim talking in hushed whispers with Aunt Martha. Tim caught me and so he got up shut the kitchen door.

They were probably talking about Aunt Martha's behaviour.

Me and Mom walked up the stairs. Her hand brushed mine and I felt tingles go up my spine. She jogged ahead of me and I looked up at her. Her wavy hair, streaked with white, was swaying side to side with each step she took. Her small body moved so swiftly, it was as if she was floating. Her green off the shoulder sweater, by the way, looked exactly like the one I had at home.

"Top floor. To the right." I said, when she almost stepped into the second floor.

"This is like a palace, isn't it?" she aked me. I nodded behind her, even though she couldn't see.

"Right here." I said, pointing in front of her. "Izzy's room."

We went in and I was ashamed to let her come in. The room was a mess. In my mind, I tackled Izzy to the ground. "Sorry. I'll clean up." I started picking the bits of paper off the ground. Mom took a seat on Izzy's twin bed. She started folding the blanket.

"So." she started, "I'm assuming you've got tons of questions for me."

I nodded and threw out all the bits of paper, "Firstly, I love your accent."

She blushed, "Thanks. I like yours too." she said, "American accent is great." For a second I thought she was joking, but by the look on her face, it was obvious I was wrong about that.

"Why did you leave me?" I asked suddenly, arranging Izzy's things on her dresser. "I know you left me with Grams. You couldn't take care of me..." I trailed off, and found it hard to speak.

"I'll take the spotlight from there." Mom said, "You know that we had a mansion. A literal one, that is. And we had tons of maids, messengers, drivers, and so on. We were known to be very rich, your father and I." she laid the blanket on the bed and sat back down again.

"One day, one of the maids betrayed us. She was cleaning the rooms and she stole some of jewelry. We obviously fired her, but from that day on, we didn't keep a single maid or anything. Not even a driver. Your father drove. Not me, goodness no. I still don't. Anyways - take a seat now, darling, you've been standing there, staring at me for goodness knows how long." I blinked and looked down. I took a seat on the beanbag chair.

"So, later, your father had a business trip to Peru, and that was the last I had heard of him." her face turned down into a frown, "Anyways," she shook her head, "I decided then that I would never be able to take care of you because most of the time, your father wa sthe one to tend to your needs. But obviously, I fed you and changed you, but other than that, he was your hero."

I felt a pang in my chest. That just makes me miss him more.

"Anyways, so, a few days of me suffering with taking care of you, I thought - why not just take you to Mother? So I called her. She booked a flight as soon as possible. In the meantime, one night, in the quiet streets on London, I had forgotten to lock the doors. Also, don't blame me. There were five different doors in that place." she put her hands up in surrender and I laughed.

"Didn't you have guards?" I asked.

Mom shook her head, "I was a stubborn young woman. I thought that maybe even the guards would betray us. I did it for you. I fired 'em all!" she exclaimed, shooting from a pretend gun that she made with her hand.

"Anyhoo, the same maid who had stolen my jewelry came home and stole basically everything we had." she said, shuddering.

"What was her name? She sounds like a nasty old hag." I asked.

"To be honest, I've kind of forgotten." she said, scrunching up her nose, and looking up at the ceiling, "Something like, Brittney or Doe. Or no, Brittney Doe. Actaully, Brittnia Dove. Wait!" she looked back down at me, "Brittney Dove. That's what her name was."

My face went pale.

"What happened?" Mom asked, her voice thick with worry, "Did I say something?"

I shook my head.

Mom shrugged, "Well, I found out from the cameras that we had put in in every corner of the house. I was too scared to live there anymore. I took the last of the money - a thousand pounds - we had a fled to our cabin. It was ours. Yours too. I told Mother that. She came there instead. The mansion was abandoned. No one lived there. Not since the house was burnt to ashes."

"Wow, you've been through some serious trouble, huh?" I said. Mom frowned, and plucked a loose thread from the edge of the blanket.

"I found a job at McDonald's and when the day before my first job, Mother had come and I told her everything she needed to know. The next week, she left with my daughter." Mom looked at me and smiled, "And now, twelve years later, me and my daughter have reunited."

I smiled back at her. Gosh, she has a dimple! Two! Why don't I have dimples?

"I have a question." I said. Mom urged me to continue, "Um, didn't I have a caretaker or anything? Like, Alice? In Alice and the Brady Bunch?"

Mom squealed, "That's my favorite TV show!" I stared at her. "Oh right, yeah, um, yes, we did..." she trailed off then winced, "We sorta fired her too."

I blinked at her.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm a protective mother!"

"Right, and it shows since you sent your child overseas to your mother. Lovely." I started clapping sarcastically.

"Oh, be quiet." Mom said, giggling. "Anyways, tell me about you. What's been going on?" she jumped up and started doing stretches.

"What are you doing?" I asked, bewildered, that was random.

"I'm a healthy woman." she said quickly and sat down to do splits. I flinched. Ouch. "So, about you, my love."

"Um, I'm in eighth grade, and life has been pretty cruel." I said. I continued and told her everything. About Maryam, Ella, Maddie, Grace, Raven, the science competition - she screamed and hugged me because of that news. She smells like peaches and mangos by the way.

I even tolld her about Brittney. And her face was priceless when I told her she was the same person who was her house maid. I started rolling on the ground with laughter when she made that scrunched up, one-eye-open-one-eye-closed, tongue sticking out, face. Ave, Izzy and Grams came running into the room to see what had happened.

It looked like my bowl was slowly turning the right way.

It was almost lunch time, and so me and Mom went down to go check on everyone else. Mom went only, I went outside.

I breathed in the fresh air and saw a car driving past. There was a crow in the middle of the road. Oh my god, the freaking bird looks drunk. It's walking so slow. I went to the edge of the side walk and waved my arms like a maniac. It looked like the person in the car was drunk too. Ugh. The crow! Oh man.

"Oh hi, young woman." the person had rolled down the window and was looking at me. He stopped the car. I went onto the road and ushered the crow onto the sidewalk. I stood beside the poor thing and it flew off. The car drove away too.

Sad bird number five.

I shook my head, crossed the road, and went back into the comfort of the house.


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15 Reviews


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Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:51 pm
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crazybanana505 wrote a review...



Hello Liberty yet again this was a awesome chapter it was not really all that sad except for when her mom lost everything from this one maid that's just sad. I also noticed that you accidentally put a space to soon when you were writing was so then it formed with another word. I also cant wait to read the next chapter because this book is super duper awesome your also a really good writer i really do want to read the next chapter. I also wonder what happens in the next chapter will Britney come back and steel everything from Julia's cousins house or will Julia find out one more piece of information i don't know i'm just a reader. Also what else will make me wonder something crazy maybe the cousins house will burn all the way down to the ground and then they are all crammed in Julia's mom cabin that would be pretty funny to me. I really like how you are using mixed emotions with unlucky 13 well its the only thing that i have read from you well besides the "your to young" story which was good not too lie.




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Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:55 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hey Liberty! Sorry I didn't get to this chapter very soon, I was very busy this week, and was to worn out to do anything but sleep. XD
This was a really great chapter, and I feel that it properly shows Julias Moms character.
Like JabberHut said, I didn't really understand why Aunt Martha is jealous. If it's important later in the story, it might be a good idea to make this part seem less forced.
"Unlce" should be "Uncle" by the way.
And the last thing I'd like to point out is that there were a fair few unnecessary lines, such as, "The usual Ave, always starting the conversations" There was another line like this in one of the other chapters that had the same problem, your telling us, not showing us. It feels kind of pointless. There were a few other lines like this here and there as well.
Other than a few other punctuation errors, this chapter was really good! I can't wait to read the next one! Keep on writing, and have a great day or night!




Liberty says...


Thanks so much for the review. I'll go through the chapter and fix it up. You'll find out why Martha's jelly about Mom. It's pretty stupid and childish, lol.

Also, d'ya mind showing me where the punctuation errors were? This is for a competition and I need it PERFECT.

Thanks again! <3 :D



Horisun says...


I looked back at it, and I just realized that I was wrong, and it wasn't a grammar error. Oops, sorry...



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Thu Jul 18, 2019 12:45 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



HELLO!

omg he's a lawyer. A PRETTY GOOD ONE TOO. I see Anthea did not get the smart genes. I wonder if she even went to school.

WHY IS AUNT MARTHA JEALOUS? THEY'RE SIBLINGS. AUNT MARTHA. >:[

Oh, shush, Ave. You're like 14 now. it's fine.

AUNT MARTHA, WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY BEING RUDE ??

I don't knwo if it's because she loves serving but is being a polite hostess because she's simply good at it. Dobby likes serving Harry Potter. Aunt Martha likes hosting parties. In this case, though, Aunt Martha is just going through the ropes of hosting 'cause APPARENTLY SHE DOESN'T LIKE ANTHEA ??

LOL AVE. "Tell me more about this girl who was following you." The only way I can picture this line of dialogue working is if he's smoking a cigar and sipping a glass of wine while wearing a nice suit in his favorite armchair. Natural dialogue would be more like, "And we'll call the stalker girl Stalker Girl," cueing some giggles because Ave is clever and funny. Keep in mind that last chapter ended with this topic of Raven, so they would either have talked about her a bit, or one of the adults (Uncle Simon?) insisted on a topic change, intending to talk to Anthea later about it in hopes of finally getting this Raven kid arrested. But not wanting to spoil the visit. After all, Anthea was gone and is now found! This is a time for celebration! But yeah, a topic change at the airport could leave the subject of Raven forgotten, so it was never discussed in the car, leaving this discussion in the living room as believable and simply adjusting Avery's subject change.

Basically, my brain is trying to fill gaps in the timeline, but the gaps are vague enough that it would take a little explanation from the narrator to fill.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY TIM IS MAD. IS IT THE FURNITURE? I FEEL LIKE UNCLE SIMON OR MARTHA WOULD BE UPSET BY THE FURNITURE BEING MUDDY.

Instead of blue five-seater, perhaps call it a blue sedan or four-door? Also, does Julia know it's Tim's car? I guess she does. As far as I know, she doesn't know these cousins well though, so I would guess she doesn't. Unless that detail changed!

LOL the you-know-who stay in the you-know-what. That's adorable.

Okay, why is Tim here? This, again, feels like an Uncle Simon thing to do. Maybe Uncle Simon is going to be furious with Tim later for just leaving to see Brittney. And why did Tim drag the other teenagers with him? Why are they necessary? Carter, I understand, and maybe Ave since they're best friends, but Julia?

Raven just ADMITTED SHE WAS JEALOUS OF JULIA'S LOOKS. That is some courage right there. And she must be very bad at lying. Or just really wanted to talk about it?

I wonder why Raven is working for her mother if she doesn't believe her mother is worth the effort. Like, mom's in jail. Now's your chance to live a good life? Why is she playing spy for her mom if she doesn't believe her mom's in the right?

RAVEN, YOU'RE A SPY. YOU SHOULD HAVE SUSPECTED A COP WOULD ARRIVE IN THE PRISON PLACE.

TIM. TIM, YOU KNOW JULIA WAS IN THE WRONG FOR SHOVING THE COPS.

This is putting the police in a really bad light, and it's making me slightly uncomfortable.

OKAY! So let's talk about what happened here at the end. We never really found out why Brittney wanted Carter there in the first place. Why (AND HOW) is Brittney forcing Raven to do these criminal things for her. Grace was able to resist her, so why can't Raven? And why, again, did Tim drag all these teenagers to the prison? I'm guessing Tim must have some sort of past with Brittney, otherwise he has no reason to be there. I would have guessed it would be Uncle Simon to talk to Brittney from one parent to another, you know? To protect his family? But I'm curious as to why Tim is the guy to do it.

I also don't believe for a second that the officers would be so unforgiving as they were portrayed here. They seemed amused by Julia's story, and that bothered me a lot. Also, if they believed Julia's story to be true, they need to investigate how Brittney is getting away with using Raven the way she is and sever whatever connections the two may have. I don't know what it's like to have a parent in jail for murder, but I do have an idea of what it's like to have a parent in jail for something else, and basically, the imprisoned parent was never allowed to see the kids as they were minors (unless accompanied by an adult). SO I DON'T KNOW IF THAT APPLIES HERE as it was another crime at the time, but it might do well to research this a bit for accuracy.

HOPEFULLY some of my questions help straighten out the plot a bit. It sounds like you're making a lot of good changes to your novel already, and that's incredible! Your next draft should be an equally-fun read. :D

I THOROUGHLY EXPECT that Brittney is actually part of a mafia group and Raven is still tangled up in it despite her mother being in jail and now there's a whole crime ring to find and take out and Brittney wants Carter and Grace to join but Grace is resisting Brittney's efforts for some reason and is secretly the hero of this story told from Julia's standpoint and Raven secretly cares for Grace immensely and wants Grace to be happy and so protects her from the mafia people and Julia winds up befriending Raven well enough that they and hte other teenagers with Carter all intend to take down the mafia by telling the cops and finding their headquarters for the cops so that MAYBE THEY'LL BELIEVE THE TEENAGERS and they infiltrate and arrest the mafia head and everyone lives happily ever after.

Or something else. BUT IT WILL BE A GRAND ADVENTURE!




Liberty says...


Thanks so much for the review! Like I told Rain, I felt like something was wrong with this chapter. It was def the police stuff. Do you guys mind if we at some point pop into a WFP and you guys can help me?
Spoiler! :
@Horisun @JabberHut @xJade @EternalRain @Honora @FlamingPhoenix I need you guys' help really badly right now.



JabberHut says...


Absolutely! Give me a time and a place, and I'll try to make it work. :D (I'm free this evening, otherwise afternoons AND evenings are golden Fri/Sat.) Or I can just pop in with comments slow-mo style!



Liberty says...


Um, what time zone?



Liberty says...


Evening is good with me too.



JabberHut says...


Oh, how rude of me. Whoops. XD I'm in CST! Smack in the middle of the U.S.



Liberty says...


Okie dokie. You're two hours ahead of moi. So... I won't have the laptop in two hours. D: I'll probs have to go to the library. I'll ask. ^-^ But if not today, def tomorrow. :D



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Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:48 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi!!

So WOW! We meet Brittney. I expected she must be in jail or something. Although if she was a murderer, she would probably be locked up in a much more strong prison? This one seems like some local county jail and they probably shouldn’t be keeping murderers there lol!

Raven popping up, classic. So she’s good? Or is she just pretending? I thought maybe she was pretending to be innocent. Otherwise why wouldn’t she just be like “peace bro” and not listen to her mom? Maybe her mom is blackmailing her? There must be some reason, otherwise the whole “forcing” situation feels a little unrealistic.

Why did the police let her go, though? :0 If she’s really done bad things, that’s a bit corrupt... hmmmm. Seems like they wouldn’t just let her off the hook haha.

Did Carter join her??? I have to know. I’m still not convinced Raven is good, so I’m a bit scared for Carter.

I think you did a really good job creating Brittney to be pretty creepy. Like the whole “give me a hug, Tim” yikesss. Super creepy. I’m also happy the jealousy thing was confirmed and it’s about Julia’s looks - I mean, young teen girls can be SUPER ruthless with that kind of stuff (ugh!!). I bet Raven is pretty, though. I can feel for her though when it comes to insecurities like that. :(

A lot happened this chapter! I’m looking forward to the talk Julia’s mom promised. It’ll be good to catch up and maybe exchange some feelings.

Peace!<3

~ EternalRain




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! I knew something was wrong with the jail thing. And you've pointed it out. I don't exactly know how I'm gonna fix that, so any tips?



EternalRain says...


I think it%u2019s a bit unrealistic - I can definitely help out in a WFP :) Ping me when you%u2019ve created one and I%u2019ll join asap



Liberty says...


Thank you so much!




We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind