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E - Everyone

Look Here. Look There.

by Liberty


Look at the sun, 

it's just one

huge lamp.

Rising above the trees.

~

Look at the trees,

waving in the breeze.

They all give shade.

To the lion.

~

Look at the lion,

walking along.

If you stop him...

You won't have a single limb.


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Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:32 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Liberty, Casanova here to do a review for you.

The first stanza for me doesn't really hit much, because it's just... Well this isn't exactly what I mean but it just seems bland? Like, there's really nothing much there besides a lamp. Anyway, onwards.

The second stanza isn't really all that much better, but it does give more information than the first one so I would give props for that. Although I would like to see more imagery than just trees billowing in the breeze, or a lion trying to find shade from the sun. Anyway, onward.

And then the last one, I don't like how it ends, honestly. It just says,"If you stop him." Although I think that is pretty comical and everything, I don't really understand the poem in general? Like, on one hand it's just a simple warning, and then on the other hand.. Who's talking about it? Why do you have to warn the person you're talking to? Is there a history of it? Does everyone know about the lion? Why hasn't he been captured? All these are questions I would like to see answered in the poem, and I would love to see what you could do with this scenery. Like, could you describe the habitat, would you want to incorporate other species, is this personification, etc? All these are good things to think about, and I would love to see what you would do about it.

Anyway, I think this is a good poem idea and I like the way you want to go about it.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Sincerely, Casanova




Liberty says...


Thanks again for another review! :) The lion is wild - I didn't make that clear, which is very stupid of me. I'll get to that. When I do editing of all the other poems you reviewed for me.

Thanks again.:D



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 11:46 pm
Butterfly7 says...



Sorry, I realized this was doubled for some reason. Sorry! <3




Liberty says...


No problem. :D



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 11:46 pm
Butterfly7 wrote a review...



Hello Libby!

I like this poem! I love the way you described one thing and said something about something else, and then described that 'something' in the next part. It was interesting how you described everything too. It was amazing. By the way, I didn't see any mistakes or anything so good job on that. :D

Also, that last bit at the end:

"Look at the lion,

walking along.

If you stop him...

You won't have a single limb."

made me laugh! Because, obviously, if you get in the way of a lion he'll eat you up! And you won't have your body anymore, let alone your limb, haha! This was very fun to read. Keep up the fantastic work, Libby.

Happy Review Day!

-B




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! <3



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Sun Mar 03, 2019 12:39 am
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AmadeusW wrote a review...



This is a cute poem and I like the morbid humor at the end. That was quite subtle and well written.
One thing that I am critical of is the structure of the poem itself. The lines don't read very smooth to me. Many read choppy and disjointed, such as "It's just one/huge lamp./Rising above the trees." Or the other one "They all give shade./ To the lion." Those two parts especially seem odd to read, and the fact that there is a period placed in the middle of your thought is a bit jolting. I'm not sure how you would want to fix that, but I have confidence that you can figure it out just fine.

Other than that, you have an excellent concept and a bit of subtle humor that makes this little poem a pleasing thing to remember. Reading this poem was like sipping a small cup of herbal tea, except every time I sipped, it would splash on my nose a little. In other words, I feel like if you were to take out a period there, change a word here, everything would be fixed up nicely.




Liberty says...


Thanks! I'll take the advice. :)



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Sat Mar 02, 2019 11:26 am
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FlamingPhoenix says...



Yet again this is another really well written peace of work. :D




Liberty says...


:D



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Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:39 am
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Eros wrote a review...



Heya, Liberty!!

Eros here with a review for you!!

I must say it's such a nice poem!! I really loved the title and the whole poem... It's rhythmic and is really sweet...

The best part is that it is correlated. The last word of one stanza is the idea for the next stanza. The poem is basically based on nature... The elements you have used here are awesome. It's a short poem and that makes it sweet. You have used very less words in here to describe the depth of everything. I find this very fascinating, because it is difficult to get your ideas out of your mind and also get them reach the minds and hearts of the reader using very little words. I really love the words you have used and the rhyming scheme makes it even more beautiful. The rhymes don't feel forced in any way.


"Look at the lion,

walking along.

If you stop him...

You won't have a single limb."

Lool this is so realistic!! loved it and it made me smile actually.


The first two stanzas have painted a beautiful scenario. First stanza has a very cool imagination and beautiful comparison of the sun with a biiig lamp.

Mention of lion is cool. Lion is a powerful creature and is a mighty creature really.

Overall, a very cool poem!

Keep writing such awesome poetries and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them!!




Liberty says...


Thank you!



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Sat Mar 02, 2019 5:13 am
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xJade wrote a review...



This poem flows. I like how you made it short and sweet. It was light and funny though I wish it had just a smudge more detail and more of an ongoing theme. I like how you called the sun one huge lamp. Like the source of life is just one thing. I hope you keep writing poems because this was very good so I will rate it seven out of ten stars.




Liberty says...


Thanks!



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Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:25 pm
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moonlitwriter1108 wrote a review...



Hello Liberty!!!

Just stopping by to do a review :). I love this poem. It is short and simple. In my opinion, however, I think doing something short and simple should have a bit more meaning or a clear theme or meaning if that makes since. I understand this is about a lion but it just doesn't seem detailed enough. That is really just me though everyone has their own style and opinion! :)

Other then that, I think this is great. It has a good rhythm and I'm able to make a picture in my head because you gave very clear descriptions.

Great Job and never stop writing :)

Moonlitwriter




Liberty says...


Thank you! :)



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Fri Mar 01, 2019 8:46 pm
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GigiNicole17 wrote a review...



Liberty,

GREAT JOB!!! I love the rhyme scheme you used. I really have no critics for this. It's just so great. I would say that maybe you would want to incorporate a theme next time, but you really don't have to. It's just that lots of poetry has a theme that you want to leave with your readers. This stanza was my favorite:

Look at the trees,

waving in the breeze.

They all give shade.

To the lion.

Great job, yet again, Liberty!!! Please keep writing. I look forward to what's to come from you. Loved it(I could legit tell you that all day, lol)

~Giginicole <3 :D




Liberty says...


Thanks! <3



GigiNicole17 says...


welcome!



Liberty says...


:D



GigiNicole17 says...


<3




According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
— The Bee Movie