Young Writers Society

Lily is in Elementary school? I think she’s in sixth grade because she doesn’t sound that young. But I could be wrong. Luke used Google Translate? This fairy world sounds cool. They use modern technology! But how will Lily help the diary after the conversation she witnessed with the diary and Luke? Hopefully she does! I want to see the diary as the original fairy she once was! Random question:Are there mermaids in this world? I wish you a lovely day/night.

Hi Liberty! Hannah here to leave you a short review on your newest chapter. With no further ado, let's begin!


I won't be super detailed here, as I've gone over my main concerns before, but I didn't like this chapter very much. It is a cultivation of everything I have pointed out before. Thankfully, your writing improved, and it has been years, so I won't spend too much time going over it. But if you read this aloud, the flow will seem off, and in some places, it feels like every character is the same one.

The opening was sort of cute and funny though, I liked the language touch. But do they have Google in this world? THAT was a chance to make a fairy joke, not fairy faces!!

Keep writing! You're doing pretty okay sometimes <3

Hi!!
Your friend Fanta here with the review you requested!
I am SO sorry it took so long! I've been a bit... Nah, I don't know how to explain it.
Anyways, let's get right into the review.
Though there is really nothing to comment on, I just wanted to tell you that this is a very good story idea, and it's very well written!
Honestly, I've come up with some pretty weird ideas (as you have seen on my profile), but this was a really imaginative story!
I haven't read the other chapters, so I hope you'll excuse me for that, but I might just get into it in the near future.

"How did you know? You're an actual mind reader, Diary!

I saw you search it up on Google Translate."

This was by far my favorite lines. Just thought I'd let you know.

Again, I'm so sorry I didn't get to you sooner, and I'm sorry this review wasn't that helpful.
Still though. Great story.
Continue writing!

Your friend,
Fanta

Loved it! Can't wait to read the next one!

Loved it! Can't wait to read the next one!

Hello, your friend FlamingPhoenix here with another review for you.

Let's get started.

I didn't see anything wrong with this chapter, so I'm here to tell you how well you did and what I liked.

What I like

I will have to say it is a lot easier to see who is talking now that you have made the words Luke speaks in bold. I was able to see who was saying what, so I would do that for the next chapter it's a much better plan to the last one.

Now that I've been reading your story and the plot has been reviled a little more I have finally figured out what the name to your story means. So I'm really happy about that.

Plot

I'm really happy your letting us get to know a bit about to plot, It's making the story really exciting.
And now your going to bring the queen into the story, well I think you are. So I'm looking forward to see what will happen next.

Characters

Wow were do I start here? I'll have to start somewhere.
I really like what your doing with Luke at the moment, you seem to really be diving into his character, and I really like that. I feel like I'm getting to know a lot more about him with every chapter.
I also like what your doing this Diary. You seem to be letting a little more of her personality out with every chapter. To me she seems a little sassy some of the time and yet she seems to be quit a strong person, and she seems to not like not being taken seriously. She can be really funny some times, like when Luke says hello to her.
I also like that one know where you added Louis in for a second,

Ugh, Louis needs help with cleaning the house, I'll be right back.

AHHHH I need more!

Hi! Here for the review as requested. Let's get right into it, shall we?

To understand what was going on, I had to briefly read some of the previous installments of this work, and so I can see that the main character is a fairy, and she has fairy friends that go to school together. I'm assuming the diary is the italics, because you used that in other chapters. It took a while to figure out who's speaking, however. Luke, the main character's brother, is currently writing in her diary instead of her, which has caused a conflict last chapter between the main character and her diary. (Please correct me if this is wrong. Or any other times I explain out the plot.)

In this chapter, Luke and the Diary interact, and they seem to have a plan to turn the Diary back into a regular fairy. The dialogue is very realistic, yet I feel like we need more details to fully understand what's going on.

Dialogue is to be used as a tool to guide the story forward, but sometimes, I feel like you use it as a filler. By this I mean that some of the interaction doesn't bring us closer to the conflict, but by the end, most of that problem is resolved. Because of this writing format, we don't know much about the setting (except for in the beginning), and what things look like, and the mood. I mention this a lot, but I do so because it's extremely critical - You need this to establish tension. Tension encourages the reader to follow along with the story. I also suggest to give the characters time where they are not writing in the diary, so we see how they interact naturally with their setting and each other. (You can try that by writing some scene.)

Um, er, I, can I have time to think about this?