Young Writers Society

It's so painful to witness someone you really love to not be there with you for the rest of your life. Reminds me of the people I have lost. I questioned the the same thing- ''Why does it have to happen?'' One thing that everybody needs to learn is that everything happens for a reason and that its okay to take your time to figure it out.

The question posed are aggressive and full of anguish that helps to maintain a balance in the poem. I actually like the poems that do not rhyme (low-key, lol). A very well written poem. Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I

Hi!
I’m new to YWS, so I’m sorry if this review isn’t up to scratch...?
I’m just really in awe with this poem. Usually, with poems that don’t rhyme, they get a little choppy and just don’t flow the same (at least in my experience writing them), but this one didn’t have that problem. I feel like, in this poem, it’s better without the rhyming; it makes it feel so much more raw and emotional.
Another thing I’m kind of shocked at is the fact that you keep bouncing from thoughts to what’s happening, and then back to thoughts again. And then there are the places where you mix the two, where it’s not italicized, but it’s still a thought. I’m not sure if that makes sense, even to myself, but I wanted to put it down, because it was really good.
The only thing I’m confused about is the people, and how they relate to one another. Wouldn’t the mother’s father be the grandfather? It might just be me, but I was a little confused.
Overall, I loved this poem and how it wasn’t holding back.
I hope this was a helpful review, but please let me know if there’s something else I should be doing!
-Rana Noodles

This is quite an emotional piece Lib - and feels very vulnerable and authentic. I liked the pieces of deep introspection in it, that go a bit deeper than just a "I'm feeling sad" but really dig into those feelings. I think this type of poem is really very intense, and for me could have used some breaks in the intensity maybe with imagery, metaphor, or a memory to break up the internal dialogue chunks. As it is, the piece's strength is really the introspective exploration you've given.

I think these were some of the most powerful lines:

"Why can't it slow down to my pace?

Why does it rush forward like it doesn't care?"

I really enjoyed this. It is very emotional, and rightfully so. You capture the death of a loved one from a younger perspective very well. I also enjoyed how you came full circle at the end and changed the question into why? instead of "doesn't it?". It's as if the character has grown in such little time, but now is more insightful.

There are two things I'd like to talk about though, one being, "Tears leave my eyes, my mother's eyes, when she hears about her father." seems backwards to me in a way. I would suggest "When we hear about my father, tears leave our eyes" but that's if you don't mind conveying them crying before you say what they are crying about.
also, "but he left this world thanks to a mighty truck before she could." also seems a bit discombobulated to me. I would try "but he left before she could, thanks to a mighty truck."
Besides some punctuation however, you're doing great, and I hope to see more of your writing!