Hello again! It took me a while to get here, but I knew I'd review it eventually 
Now, since this is the second part, I think it's worth revisiting my first review, just to see what's changed since then! I'll focus on the actual writing here at the very end too, so don't worry 
Spoiler! :
I like the story, it's gripping. Developing a story using entirely character interaction is pretty cool, and I think it works well here. For a story that's so short, the characters have been brought out pretty well!
I mentioned last time that your primary skill was in your character interactions, and honestly, that hasn't changed. I still enjoy reading about these people's lives. Jenna seems like a really interesting character, and I was thoroughly invested in every conversation she had here. That being said, some interactions do seem wasted, like the one where the main character talks to Sarah. It could be used to do something far more pertinent, or otherwise just removed altogether. In fact, I do think that there might actually be too much character interaction here! It's hard to grasp so much at once, as Tuckster mentioned. Try keeping it to the ones that truly matter, and it might help everything flow better
One thing you might need to work on is pacing. I felt like the whole thing happened way too fast.
Unfortunately, this point from my last review still stands. Your story moves very quickly. I think it has improved since last time, but the issue is still there. There's a lot more narration and time for breathing and digesting now, so that's great, but a little more might still be needed. Stretching out the first half of this and then putting the second into a new chapter might help with your pacing problems. Length isn't a perfect account of time, but it can be a decent enough approximation here
Also, I found myself a bit confused as to who the characters were sometimes.
This issue has been eradicated
I know exactly who you're writing about now, so well done! You've introduced characters to the reader properly this time
Okay, there's my review rap-up
As promised, my overall view of this chapter is that it's an improvement from last time. I like the attention you've paid to narration here. It's not just conversations, like it seemed to be last time. The narrations really help stick the plot together, especially combined with your good knack for bringing out your character's thoughts and body language. Trying to slow yourself down when writing will probably help you out the most
Points: 13147
Reviews: 108
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