Hi, I quite like the scene. I felt the dialogue was really realistic and it was easy to tell the relationship between the characters and the scene played out. Overall I felt it was really well written. I like the use of Nokia phone to help characterize the mom with her old fashioned ways. I just feel like it was a little bland. The dialogue could be a little more interesting to keep the readers wanting to read. We all understand the argument between Kaila and the Mom but I feel like the things that they're saying are a bit obvious and bland. Maybe you could throw in a joke or some interesting characterization to set about your script from any old boring conversation a kid would have with their mom.
"KAILA: It’s a flip phone, Mama."
Like here you could prehaps have Kaila call it a dinosaur phone and play off of how old they are by calling it prehistoric. Even though it's dramatic it would add an interesting layer to the story that would make it less bland and a little more humorous.
Points: 508
Reviews: 9
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