Young Writers Society

Hey! Plume here, with a review!

ASHDD I cannot believe this is like, a month old, and still doesn't have another review. So I brought the task upon myself. Hopefully something in here is helpful.

You know me. I love all of your songs. They're alll soooooo great and I just-- yeah. I love them all. You're so great at singing, songwriting, and just music in general that when they all come together it's just *chefs kiss*

One thing I really love about this piece is the whole rhyme scheme you've got going on. It's great. There are a ton of slant rhymes that I'm not sure were intentional, but are so crucial in songwriting. Since you're the one signing it, you're able to choose how you say certain words, and that's why slant rhymes work so well. Even though there's no audio for this one :`( I was still able to pick up on it, and I think that shows real talent. (In case that was unintentional, I'm talking about wonder and colder, and twisted and missing. That's just lovely.)

Also, I really love the lines "We thought I would grow/And though you watched me every day/The seeds you sowed/Would always drift away." They're just so singable, and have lovely imagery, and are a metaphor, and there's just so many layers to them that just makes them beautiful.

That being said, I have a few critiques and one question.

1) I thought "Until you break like glass" was a very interesting choice. Nothing really rhymes with glass in that same stanza, unless you count "else" and even that doesn't really work (not because of the sounds, just because of where they're placed in the song. It doesn't form a natural rhyme). Plus, glass is such a hard and striking work, with the gl- sound at the beginning and ending with that sort of hissy double 's' at the end. It just seems kind of out of place. I'd suggest perhaps adding two more lines after it that give it more context.

2)The way you've structured this is quite interesting. I'm not sure which parts are chorus, which parts are bridge, and which parts are verses. Your pattern is something like A B C A' B C. So I'm assuming A is the verse. I think you could possibly benefit from having a slightly different verse the second time round. You really only change the last part, I think, so maybe a little variety would be good.

3) This is just a question. I noticed the song is called Infertility. I was just wondering if it's about not being able to have children, especially given the lines about seeds being sown. If not, I'm just curious as to why you titled it the way you did!

Well, hopefully there's something good in there. Keep being awesome and keep writing and keep singing and-- yeah. I'll stop now.

This song is beautiful. Everyone would at least have one person which this would apply to. And everyone interprets this in a different way. For me, I think, it applies to my friends who have moved away. They always said they would call me and all that. But we all know how that ends. Even though they have moved away, I have learned and grew from it. So, I think this song would apply to all those. Thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Beautiful. So beautiful. I'm not sure if there is one particular meaning to the song but for me, most lines seem like they could be interpreted differently based on the reader. And the way I interpreted it actually reminded me of a friendship in my life falling apart right now and this just really hit hard.

I'm sorry if my interpretation is so so so far off the mark XD this just really reached in to my depths.

Thanks for sharing and keep growing <3