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A Quotation Poem

by Lia5Giba


“If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.”

Yellow strands of grass whip against the car window;

I keep a low crouch on the top of the rickety van,

Camera clutched in my white-knuckled hands;

In front of me the darkened sky twists like fabric,

Wind distorting the clouds into a funnel

Pulling dirt and plucking clumps of grass

As if they are lighter than feathers.

It is a beast, savage and dangerous and magnificent,

And I want to capture every part of it.

The twister slows to overturn a rusted car

Laying off the highway, a rotting corpse,

And the wind throws it like it’s nothing.

I bend, signaling to move faster to my driver,

And we speed down the road, wind whistling through my hair

As the smell of danger grows more and more pungent.

I lift my camera, clicking the button, but the image is a mere outline.

The distance is closing, closing ever so quickly,

But we are slowing, as if the car is driving into mud.

I bend to the window with a question--

The driver just points to the twister, a churning monstrosity

So far, and yet too close.

The wind whirls around me, drowning me,

Luring me towards the twisting beacon of possibility,

Of peril, of power.

Too close, yes, but also too far.

I point forward through the window, and

The rickety van lurches forward,

A mouse skittering toward a dinosaur.

I raise my camera, ready, in tightened hands

Into the welcoming embrace of danger--

“If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.”

***

Quote by Mario Andretti


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103 Reviews


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Reviews: 103

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Mon Mar 23, 2020 8:36 pm
JesseWrites says...



This is really good. You wrote this so well. The amount of detail is insane! I feel like I'm there just by reading the first few lines. Mario Andretti's quote was a great choice. it has a lot of depth. It brings out the flow of the poem.

I love poetry. I can see some of the influence from famous poets. (that might just be me over thinking everything)

Good poem!
~S.M.Locke~




User avatar
103 Reviews


Points: 268
Reviews: 103

Donate
Mon Mar 23, 2020 8:35 pm
JesseWrites says...



This is really good. You wrote this so well. The amount of detail is insane! I feel like I'm there just by reading the first few lines. Mario Andretti's quote was a great choice. it has a lot of depth. It brings out the flow of the poem.

I love poetry. I can see some of the influence from famous poets. (that might just be me over thinking everything)

Good poem!
~S.M.Locke~




User avatar
103 Reviews


Points: 268
Reviews: 103

Donate
Mon Mar 23, 2020 8:35 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



This is really good. You wrote this so well. The amount of detail is insane! I feel like I'm there just by reading the first few lines. Mario Andretti's quote was a great choice. it has a lot of depth. It brings out the flow of the poem.

I love poetry. I can see some of the influence from famous poets. (that might just be me over thinking everything)

Good poem!
~S.M.Locke~




Lia5Giba says...


Thank you so much! I did not really take any influence from other poets, I just kind of took the quote and went with it. But thanks!



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Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:11 am
anarki wrote a review...



Hello, Anarki here for a review!

Wow, such a lovely piece. I love this poem! How you have created visual and olfactory imagery in this poem is far beyond how most poets can! The words you have chosen have made me feel as if I was in the scene too; about to be sucked into the tornado! You have progressively described the scene, line after line and several lines down the poem, I am already immersed in the environment.

I have read it a couple of times and it still feels new. I like how the persona can still manage to appreciate the beauty of nature's power while close to danger's lethal grasp; how she still want's to capture the experience with a camera even when death is imminent!

The only fault I find in this beautiful piece is with punctuation. I am not good at punctuation but I think I can point out that after commas and semicolons you have uppercase letters rather than lowercase letters. For example:

It is a beast, savage and dangerous and magnificent,
And I want to capture every part of it.


I think it should be 'and', not 'And'. I feel like 'And' disrupts the flow noticeably. Feel free though to punctuate how you feel best brings out the style you desire.

Have good day/night!
Anarki :-)




Lia5Giba says...


Ah, yes. I completely understand that. It's just that after each line in a poem usually you capitalize the line, no matter the punctuation. If you look at The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe, he uses a bunch of commas but he still capitalizes his lines.

Thank you so much for the feedback and the review, honestly!




I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield