Young Writers Society

What a do, What it is. It's your boi here with a review.

You have talent. You wrote things that people actually think of in real life situations.

The theory that I have for your poem(Just a theory) is that the narrator/your situation is going through a lot. Like her boyfriend/best friend left her or passed away, and she is grieving, but she is deeply feeling the pain. They are feeling it to where they can't think straight and they want to die.

You have compared the mind to tangles and kinks. This makes me think that the persons thoughts are so jumbled that it is hard to get through one thing, and that it takes a lot of time to get out of their head.

Anyway, it was really good, you had a lot of imagery, and you also showed emotions that some readers can even relate to.

I really hope to read more of your work in the future. Keep doing a great job!

~Namjoon~

This was a creative concept and it paid off well. I enjoyed reading this and the constant fight you have with your mind and dealing with your emotions. You excellently captured the events of a psychological war. I relate to this very much. It is a pretty hard thing to deal with and push through so if you are personally feeling this, I want you to keep pushing because although it seems like you are alone, so many other people care about you. Keep up the good work xoxo

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

FINALLY someone who understands how it feels!
I'm with you, sometimes, you just stand there, with a weight on your chest and hope someone will come see you're upset. But you're too upset to go and talk to other people about it!
Everyone keeps saying to 'get it of your chest!' but without the pain, there would be no other feelings and with no other feelings comes emptiness and back again comes the feeling on your chest.
I'm in a jumble too, crossing things out, trying to get words write, er... right, but it's just easier to write out of order, crossed out, messy and "jumbled" rather than to never get those feelings out there, somewhere.
Great job writing though. You made me FEEL

Dear Lake,

(Sick name by the way)

So first of all, WOAH. So that was quite the... um... what do you call it?

Obviously, I can tell this is a very personal piece. I enjoyed the aesthetic of some lines to be bolded and the difference in alignment.

I also enjoyed the fact that some of the words were crossed out. For some things, the crossed out lines made sense, like the first one really caught my eye: "That sounds good right about now." But for other lines, it didn't seem like it quite fit.

How I see crossed out lines is that the writer was going to put it in, then cross it out because they no longer want it in there, like it reveals too much, or they let their mind wander and they wrote it down subconsciously or accidentally. So, for some lines it doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense, I kind of had to think about it for a second. Actually with most of the other lines.

One way to look at this might be to write it as if the main character/narrator is writing happily, but adding in small things that show her real emotion. Like, if you were to change "She tries to talk to me.../What do I say?/The usual: 'I'm fine'?" to this:

She always asks how I am.
I just smile and say "I'm fine."
I want to die.

And have the "I want to die" part crossed out. As if she's writing sadness accidentally then crossing it out because she doesn't want to reveal that. (I kinda just assumed it's a "she". Oh whale.)

I might have totally have taken a completely different track on your poetry as you may have wanted. And that's not a bad thing, it's good to see how your readers interpret your work, right?

Anyways, I really liked reading this piece of work! I just got confused when it came to some of the crossed out lines, that's all.

Keep writing! I'll be looking forward to reading more of your pieces! I'll look out for "Lake" in the green room!!!

Sincerely, Bailey

This will be my last work before I have my break. Please don't try to help me...I can't be fixed...



((I will not be wasting my valuable time to do homework to tag everyone. So everyone who reads this, congrats, you've been mind tagged.))