Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Article / Essay » Humor

E - Everyone

My adventure on a volcano, that was gonna blow up

by LadyMysterio


The lava bubbled, I clutched the railing, both in fascination and fear. Nothing but air and sulfur between me and a fiery grave. Now you are probably wondering, what the heck, am I doing, standing by lava, and no, I am not Indiana Jones. Did I mention that I am about a thousand yards away from it?

I am standing on the edge of Kilauea, one of the volcanoes in Hawaii (or the Big Island). You probably heard about it in the news last year. I am staring at a fiery pool, something that hasn't been seen in this volcano in two years. The reason, because little known to me, it was gonna erupt in about a week, a few days after I got home. Now let's ignore the fact that this thing is gonna blow soon and get back to my story.

I had just come back from dinner ( Pad Thai! ) and a walk through dark lava tunnel ( Never doing that again! ) With my family. The air was cool, and there was the WONDERFUL smell of sulfur in the air( I am kidding it smells horrible, think of the grossest smell you can, that's it).

Tons of people were gathered by the railings, taking pictures or looking through some of the stationed telescopes. It was evening, so you could see the lava pretty well, it basically looked like a pit of fire. It was pretty cool, I mean it's LAVA, yes you are a few thousand years away, but I mean, LAVA!

It's quite an interesting experience, it’s cool that this is the first time lava has showed in about two years, but it also gives you the feeling that it's gonna blow or something. I was scared, and excited. I wanted to get off this volcano, but I also wanted to stay. Volcanoes are quite dramatic.

Now you can imagine how intrigued I was to hear that, about five days later. When my friend excitedly texted me that the very volcano I had been standing on, in awe of fiery lava, had erupted and was causing some viable damage.( Sorry Leilani Estates) and a tone of smoke was covering one part of the island. We now have a joke that it was mad because we put a Canadian penny in the penny pressing machine.

Hopefully if you ever get to stand on volcano, it doesn't plan on blowing up in a few days. And if you don't like small dark tunnels, are somewhat tall ( my dad hit his head) don't go in a lava tunnel. I basically ran through the whole thing, half thinking the lava was gonna come back and chase me.

Aloha!


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
361 Reviews


Points: 19431
Reviews: 361

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:10 pm
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello! I saw that this piece has been sitting in the Green room for a while so I came to rescue it, haha.

As Figsandpigs said in their review thanks for sharing this with us. I enjoyed reading it and it was pretty fun. Now, I don't know if you're looking for any criticisms or for any suggestions but I have few and hopefully they'll help you out.

I thought this sounded too preppy than the content actually needed. Especially since the volcano erupted and created more physical damage, I felt like you could have changed the tone a bit. I thought you could have added character by talking about the volcano a little bit more, like, you could have included your family's reaction on seeing the 'fiery pit'. And how you felt after your friend sent you the message of the volcanic eruption. I don't know, maybe you had a word count or something.

The little reactions in the brackets were entertaining to read. Which is why I thought you could have gotten serious at the end and then it could have had a nice balance, again it's only a suggestion in the hopes that you didn't have any restrictions to write this piece.

had erupted and was causing some viable damage.


viable or visible? Since you go on to explain "smoke covering half the island"

and a tone of smoke was covering one part of the island.


Did you mean "ton" here? Even then, I don't think smoke's density can be measured in tonnes. Hm. :P

Overall, good reading. It's nice to see you try different genres. ;) Keep up the good work!

Keep writing!

Cheers! :D




User avatar


Points: 1349
Reviews: 4

Donate
Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:49 am
Figsandpigs wrote a review...



Hi Lady Mysterio,

I really enjoyed reading your essay. Thank you so much for sharing. It is always so fun when we get to write something for school that we maybe actually enjoy writing.

I found your use of asides or parentheticals very interesting. I enjoyed the very conversational tone that these worked to add to your essay. I also think that they acted as a great way to add humor into the piece. I think that maybe the use of the emdash could be a less disjointed way to add those moments in. I also enjoyed the descriptions you had in this paper; I loved learning about your trip to Hawaii and the experience you had.


I do have to mention a few little grammar things I noticed. Personally, for me, one of the best strategies I use to catch grammar is reading my work out loud. It helps find missing words like in the first paragraph, you say, "Now you probably wondering," In this sentence, you are missing the word: are. So, I think an additional read-through could help you find the small mechanic things. Also, having other people read your work (like posting it on this website (: ) is a great strategy to improve grammar and overall writing.

Thank you so much for sharing!




LadyMysterio says...


I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the review! I will totally try reading it out loud.




You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind