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Mardi Gras in St. Louis

by LZPianoGirl

(A/N: Feel free to review, this is just random, something I wrote while watching people pass by our house.)

Mardi Gras in STL. Let me help you picture it. It's the second biggest Mardi Gras celebration in the United States, behind New Orleans. It's people getting so drunk that outdoor bars stop selling booze at 8pm; pubs at 11pm.

It's people partying on the streets in front of my house into the early hours of the morning, so my family always goes to my grandparents this weekend, to get away from the city. It's people peeing in your front yard (yes that actually happened once) and then running off.

But it's also kind people giving you bead necklaces when the walk down the streets. It's sitting on the front steps, watching golf cart after golf cart of people dressed up pass by (Soulard allows golf carts on roads).

It's enjoying a hot chocolate while the neighbors across the street drink beer in their front yard, while their toddlers play in the grass. It's those toddlers dancing around and singing when older ladies give them beads and feathers.

Sometimes it may be bad, but overall, it's really fun.

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39 Reviews

Points: 4095
Reviews: 39

Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:08 am
imaginer2018 wrote a review...

Mardi Gras! I’ve seen it so many times on tv, yet I’ve never experienced it for myself. I really like this narrative. It’s written in the first person, which I think makes it more personal and adds to the experience of the reader.

I like how this narrative is really short, but so much is happening. There are a lot of details. The narrator gives us her full experience. Nothing feels abrupt. The words run smoothly, and the reader leaves the narrative satisfied.

Lots of really short stories have one paragraph, which makes it look clumpy and unappealing, but you broke them up. It’s easier to read.

The only nitpick I have is the abrupt ending, but tgham99 covers that very well,

Great narrative!

User avatar
111 Reviews

Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

Sun Feb 23, 2020 12:39 am
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tgham99 wrote a review...

I like that this piece is written in first person, because narratives are always super fun for me to read. Mardi Gras is an event/day that I don't have much experience with, so forgive me for not being able to comment more on the context of this piece, but I figured I'd leave a review anyway!

Structurally, I like that the paragraphs are broken up instead of lumped together as is the case with a lot of short stories/narratives. In terms of readability, this makes the piece a lot easier to read and understand.

I personally would like to have had more intense descriptions of what goes on physically during Mardi Gras. What do the bead necklaces look like? What are the facial expressions of the people passing by? Is there a certain feeling or sensation in the air that you can feel? Descriptory words would likely lengthen the piece considerably, which I'd love to see, because as I mentioned, I love reading anything in first person!

The ending was a bit abrupt and could use a little more intensity; one suggestion I have is to maybe end it with a line of dialogue or a more revealing train of thought from our speaker. Just a suggestion to spice things up!

Very simple and straightforward read nevertheless, and as someone who's never experienced Mardi Gras for themselves, I enjoyed reading your telling of what it's like.

Write on!! <3

LZPianoGirl says...

Thank you, and go Blue Jays!

LZPianoGirl says...

Thank you, and go Blue Jays!

I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield