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I Chose You

by LUNARGIRL


When can I see you again?

Will it be on heaven or on land?

My only dying wish is to see

your lovely face once again.

...

And spend my days with you,

because that's who I chose.

And fate cannot tear us apart,

even if it were written in the stars.

...

The expanse of the universe cannot

span the distance that I will go for you,

die for you, kill for you,

because I chose you.

...

Even if you were my destruction,

I would find a way to be your salvation,

even in the end of the world,

I would still choose you.

..

If the world went up in flames,

I would rather burn with you,

then live a thousand lives without you.

Because at the end of the day I chose you.

...

No matter what,

it will always be you,

I just don't know how to tell you,

that I love you.


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11 Reviews


Points: 258
Reviews: 11

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Fri Mar 05, 2021 5:42 pm
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ILUVBUNNIES08 wrote a review...



LUNAGIRL i love this. This is very romantic. I am trying to publish a poem on here called I love you my dear. Be looking for it. I love the way your character is expressing themself. They are telling the way they feel and it does not seem at all pushy. i lover how they are saying that they will do anything for their loved one. The only thing is i wish that there was more of a back ground. I am more of a story writer so i don't know much about poetry but i think this poem could be even more heart warming is if you gave a bit more of a story line to it. This is like my favorite poem i have read on young writers society this month though




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks for the review, glad you liked!



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15 Reviews


Points: 87
Reviews: 15

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Fri Feb 19, 2021 8:55 pm
Emivanz1 wrote a review...



I love the way your character is expressing themself. They are telling the way they feel and it does not seem at all pushy. i lover how they are saying that they will do anything for their loved one. The only thing is i wish that there was more of a back ground. I am more of a story writer so i don't know much about poetry but i think this poem could be even more heart warming is if you gave a bit more of a story line to it. This could go along the lines of,

"I loved you since i laid eyes on you
all those summers ago
ect.

over all this was an amazing poem and i hope you keep writing.




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks for the review!



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8 Reviews


Points: 58
Reviews: 8

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Thu Feb 18, 2021 3:44 pm
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nightshadows says...



Wow all I have to say is wow! Actually take that back that is definitely not all I have to say! Your poem was absolutely amazing!




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks so much!



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Points: 316
Reviews: 1

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Thu Feb 18, 2021 9:21 am
ruffledmycoconuts wrote a review...



First of all, I absolutely loved the flow of it all. I've critiqued a lot of poetry since I just finished my poetry lesson in creative writing. I would've loved to see more rhyme schemes in here, but if this is a free verse poem, nevermind the rhyme scheme part. The poem seemed beautiful overall with its artistic delivery and the beautiful imagery is wonderfully interwoven into the poem. The piece itself is amazing and I love the romantic aspect that goes into it.




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks for the review, glad you liked it!



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153 Reviews


Points: 1571
Reviews: 153

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Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:25 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



hello. i am 1234 and is here to give your poetry a review. okay, so let's jump to the review.

first of all, the review will be a short one.don't mind. in the first stanza, I loved these two lines

When can I see you again?

Will it be on heaven or on land?


especially the second line.

the other paragraphs too were quite good. I genuinely liked your poetry. it was a great one.

it was an enjoyable read. hope it helps




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks for the review



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44 Reviews


Points: 90
Reviews: 44

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Wed Feb 17, 2021 2:22 am
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mordax wrote a review...



Hi there! I loved this poem so much! So let's get started:

When can I see you again?

Will it be on heaven or on land?

My only dying wish is to see

your lovely face once again.

First stanza... I don't have much to critique. this was one of my favorite stanzas in the whole poem. The only thing I have to say is the repeated 'again' in the first line and the fourth. I think it would flow better if that word wasn't repeated, but if you wanted the repetition intentionally, ignore me. It still flows beautifully and that critique is a very minor one.

And spend my days with you,

because that's who I chose.

And fate cannot tear us apart,

even if it were written in the stars.

Second stanza... I love the imagery of the stars and the added splash of fate, showing that this love isn't one of destiny but of choice, which is beautiful. The only thing I have to say is that I wonder why you chose the word "chose" rather than "choose". As the latter, it could imply that the narrator continues to choose this love, but the former confuses me a bit. I'm sure it was intentional, so what was your reasoning? I think its very intriguing.

I have nothing to say in regards to the third stanza. I love it so much, the sudden flip into the repeated "you" and the extent that you show the narrator will go for their loved one. Perfection.

Even if you were my destruction,

I would find a way to be your salvation,

even in the end of the world,

I would still choose you.

In this stanza, I adore the first two lines. They are likely my favorite of the entire poem. The second two lines, however the second two lines seem to disrupt the flow you have created. The line "even in the end of the world" feels a bit awkward on the tongue. As for the last line of this stanza, you suddenly switch to "choose". I like this take rather than the previous "chose" in the second stanza, but I wonder why the switch between the two? The "chose" before makes the love seem almost bittersweet, as if the narrator is declaring to the universe how they made this decision and how this decision was final. Whereas the "choose" implies that the decision is constant.

If the world went up in flames,

I would rather burn with you,

then live a thousand lives without you.

Because at the end of the day I chose you.

Again, the "chose" here adds almost a declarative tone, and I wonder if that was intentional. As I am rereading it, I have mixed feelings on it. I almost like this tone that the narrator is declaring that they will do this because of this decision they made, but on the other hand, it takes a bit away from this sweet, undying love you also display. Then again, this contrast may have been completely intentional.

No matter what,

it will always be you,

I just don't know how to tell you,

that I love you.

I love this ending and how it wraps up the poem. My only critique is that I think the repeated "you" in the third line could do without. Like: "I just don't know how to say the words -- I love you" or something like that. I love the repeated use of "you" throughout the poem, but the flow feels a bit disrupted here.

I loved this poem, though! Wow, great writing. All of my suggestions are only my opinions (obviously lol) so feel free to completely disregard them. I loved the concept of this poem and the passion you conveyed.

mordax




LUNARGIRL says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it!




Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman