Young Writers Society

ZeldaIsShiek here back for another review on realistic poetry! I have not been doing a lot of these lately, so let's dive right into it!

First off, I like how you titled the poem. Being fond of poetry myself, I really like it when a poet will name their poem something that has little to do with the main poem itself. This guarantees a swift opening and an astonishing start to the poem! I liked this comparison to the cigarettes and the tootsie pop commercial later in the poem, too. It really helped me grasp the effect of the title and how you paced the poem.

Next, I'd like to talk about the poem in general. I like how you compare cigarettes to the thought of 'you' in lines 4-6. I also really liked how you ended the poem! Reading it again, I realized that the pacing was not just creative license, it was a device to alter the feeling of the poem! It's like Rogue One: Once you read/see it once, the confusion from the beginning goes away since you understand what it's about!

Thank you for the freat work, and keep writing! -ZeldaIsShiek

Oh my gosh. I adore this. It was delicious to read, thanks for sharing.

A short review for my lack of time, but I think you'll appreciate the brevity for the aim of really mantling this.

Introduced motif (tootsie pop) intro is very chill and subtle, very welcome as far as introductions. There's a slight jarring nature between the intro and the immediate stream of consciousness where you bring in menthol cough drops (maybe consider menthol candies instead, therefore lessening the leap between candy and medicine.)

The inference taken here is so reflective that it's only to be appreciated and acknowledged with a knowing nod from a distance as most can relate to that familial seethe or longing for a different nature in one way or another.

The problem, I feel, is the ending; more specifically how brittle it is, and how suddenly it stops. I understand the effect you're going for, but if you're going for a whispered end, the effect is generally given by an auditory image--not the removal of auditory as you've given us. This is up to your creative demons, but ultimately my ideal ending would have the removal of the last line entirely.

All the best,
Ty

Not gonna lie, this poem is really great! However, there are a few grammatical mistakes. The "i"s need to be capitalised since it's referring to yourself. Also, the very first letter of every sentence needs to be capitalised, too. Other than that, it's a really great poem of referencing the Tootsie Pop commercial to make the poem more interesting enough to capture the reader's attention.

Wow! This is really good. So, your poem is about coping with someone, i'm guessing. Maby you could elabrate a bit on who that person is? was it someone who angered you? Or someone who you can't stand? Was it maby a breakup? Is this poem in responce to a breakup? I was thinking this because you talk about smoking afterwards. I was jusst wondering. This was just my interpertation of this. Sorry if this was a different interpertation than what you were meaning. Either way, you did a great job. I TOTALLY remember the Tootise pop cermercals from the 90's, the one with the boy and owl. Anyone who was a kid from the 90's will totaly get this. If anything, it's kinda funny because it's so nastalig and relatable.

Great job

Keep writing.