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Prologue to "Guiding of the Lost Souls"

by Kay Kay

White fog. That is all I'm able to see is white fog. It's like the kind that comes from the bay every morning and fogs up my bedroom window; adding a slight chill to the room. Only here there is no window. In fact there is nothing. I reach out to touch something, but my hand just feels the misty fog.

Now, I'm running, trying to get out of the mess. Faster and faster I run, but the end is not in sight. The fog is like a blanket over the ground, which I can not see. Is there even a ground?

Becoming very tired, I slow down to a jog. The fog is hugging me, and there is no one to help me. Suddenly, I see that I am not alone, for there is a face in the distance. I skid to a dead stop. He is coming towards me.

This other person is now running to me, and I stand there waiting. He stops in front of me, and smiles. He takes my hands in his, and we begin to fall. But I'm not alarmed, for some reason I know that everything is going to be okay.

The fog is above us now, and we are falling down through a dark mist where there are many stars. Faster we begin to fall. This guy's smile broadens. He knows something, I can feel it through my entire body. We land on the ground in front of a house I've never seen before, and he lets out a burst of laughter.

My eyes open and I sit up in bed; breathing hard. The dream is coming to me more frequently now. Only this time he was laughing and not crying like he usually is. This has got to mean something, I thought. Something terrrible.

Hi, I'm new and this is just an idea of mine that I'm putting into words as it were. So don't be surprised if it's not very good. :D

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194 Reviews

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Sat Jul 07, 2007 4:59 pm
greenjay says...

Ooooo! Interesting. Please write more.


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Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:31 pm
Rydia says...

This is very well written with quite a nice pace and I look forward to reading more. Perhaps work a little on using unique imagery and finding another way to describe the fog so that it's not so repetetive. A very good start though so well done.

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Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:57 pm
Firestalker says...

I agree. you started it good, but ended it bad. Try improving.

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Sat Mar 05, 2005 11:05 pm
hekategirl wrote a review...

I like this, but I agree with VoraciousReader_545. The conclusion isn't strong enough, it doesn't live up to your title. But, I do like this and can't wait to read more :-D

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Sat Mar 05, 2005 11:00 pm
Kay Kay says...

Yeah, I am the Kayla from Real Kids. Who is it that asked me? Thanx for critting...I should be posting chapter one real soon and can't wait to read more ways to make it better.

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Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:31 am
Ego wrote a review...

I liked this...I actuallt wanted to read more...but there is n't any!

I think you could tidy up some of the sentences by nusing a greater variety of words, but other than that a really nice story, is it a beginning or is this all there is?


EDIT: oh, that's a stupid question, it only says PROLOGUE in the title.....duh. :roll:

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13 Reviews

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Thu Mar 03, 2005 10:49 pm
VoraciousReader_545 wrote a review...

Hey, first, welcome to YWS! :twisted: Are you Kayla from RK? Anyway here's my criitque:

I like it but I don't think the conclusion is strong enough. Also:

'The fog is hugging me, and there is no one to help me. Suddenly, I see that I am not alone, for there is a face in the distance.'
Instead of '[i]the fog is hugging me
' I think that you should say: the fog is wrapping me like a blanket
Or something like that.
Also use some other word than 'suddenly'.
Good job!

[/i] :D Post more soon

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket